http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards: Forum: Catholic - Recent Posts en Mon, 13 Feb 2012 22:28:02 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/engaged-encounter-weekend-what-to-expect#post-3224942 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:14:31 +0000 mweiler 3224942@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>We are going to our EE weekend in March.&nbsp; Now that your weekend is over, any advice?&nbsp; Ours is similar to yours in that it lasts all weekend but I think we have private rooms (me in one and my FI in one but no roommates).&nbsp; I'm hoping we get more information about what to bring/wear/etc!&nbsp; I like to have a plan and I don't feel like I know much about it yet!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/catholic-but-no-catholic-wedding#post-3224917 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:08:31 +0000 SizzleC 3224917@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p><a href="#post-983832">@domestic_cat:</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I could not agree anymore. I was born into being a Catholic and my fiance is not. That is the most stressful thing about my wedding, religion. My fiance does not believe in the Catholic ways and I'm not so sure I do either... especially after how the priest treated me about the situation. There should be no judgment on others. Now, we're getting married at the hotel where our reception is and I am much relieved. Luckily, my family is accepting. I originally wanted a church wedding so I could have God as my witness but realized God is all around! I'm going to have a beautiful cross in the ceremony so intensions can still be incorporated. Just thinking about religion can be stressful...&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/calling-all-catholic-brides-wedding-ring-question#post-3224880 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:02:30 +0000 mweiler 3224880@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I think you should feel free to get your other rings blessed before OR after the big day but if it helps we are getting my engagement ring and both of my wedding bands (top and bottom wrap) blessed on our wedding day, in addition to FI's wedding band.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/catholicnon-catholic-christian-wedding-mass-issues-very-long-but-pls-help#post-3222995 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 08:04:27 +0000 CallmeC 3222995@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Do what makes you and FI most comfortable. That being said a Non Catholic taking Communion or kicking up a fuss over getting a blessing would be a bad scene all around. I've seen the argument brought up &nbsp;that " Oh I take communion/have been baptized in my church so I can take it and be considered baptized in any church" and it just doesn't work that way. It's not meant as an insult or to belittle a person's faith at all. It's just when you are in a different church you should respect that church's teachings and principles. The way Catholics and non Catholics view communion are fundamentally different and for that reason alone it would be wildly disrespectful to take communion as a Non catholic. Getting a blessing instead is the appropriate thing to do and I guess it is puzzling to me that your family wouldn't understand that.&nbsp;</p> <p>As for the wedding with no Mass that seems like it would be the best option as you are not catholic. MOG should give the same respect she is wanting and recoginze having Mass could make your wedding feel divided which is the last thing you want to feel on your wedding day. Good luck to you, I have navigated similar waters and it is tough.&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/catholicnon-catholic-christian-wedding-mass-issues-very-long-but-pls-help#post-3222834 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 07:29:33 +0000 hisgoosiegirl 3222834@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I'm a Lutheran married to a Catholic. We compromised on getting married in his church, but no communion. His parents weren't thrilled, but that was tough nuggies for them. My side had very few Catholics and DH and I agreed that we didn't want to exclude half the guests.</p> <p>You should do what makes you and your FI the most comfortable, not just his parents or just your parents. You are adults and it's your wedding, so you get the final say. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/catholicnon-catholic-christian-wedding-mass-issues-very-long-but-pls-help#post-3222785 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 07:17:19 +0000 MAlove 3222785@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I'm a Catholic married to a non Catholic and we definitely had a mass but only because it was important to ME (DH didn't care either way). You re right that different parishes/ diocese have different rules which doesn't help. I strongly suggest you speak privately with the priest or deacon at the parish you're going to be married at. Our priest told us that he would only consider the wishes of the bride and groom since they were the ones getting married so that helped give us the confidence we needed to put our foot down on what we decided.</p> <p>At the end of the day you are making your vows and FI is making his vows, so I don't know why MOG is getting such a big say. I understand you're doing your best to make everyone happy but since you've tried to compromise, I think it's fair to do what you feel is best.&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/full-mass-if-marrying-a-non-catholic#post-3222735 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 07:05:09 +0000 Rachel631 3222735@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>"Just following up to say we decided to just go with the Nuptial Rite instead of a full Mass. I will likely go to Confession the evening before and receive the Eucharist the morning of along with my family. The last time I received three sacraments in one weekend was my Confirmation... excitedly looking forward to a weekend full of grace and the Spirit!"</p> <p>That's a lovely thing to say! I'm glad you feel happy with your decision.</p> <p>I have a similar issue, but the other way around, which I've posted another thread about (very long, and which you are not obligated to read, BTW!). I would love to go with the same solution, actually (but with FI and family doing the three sacraments, obviously), but FMIL is not keen...</p> <p><a href="http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/catholicnon-catholic-christian-wedding-mass-issues-very-long-but-pls-help#post-3222643" rel="nofollow">http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/catholicnon-catholic-christian-wedding-mass-issues-very-long-but-pls-help#post-3222643</a></p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/catholicnon-catholic-christian-wedding-mass-issues-very-long-but-pls-help#post-3222643 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 06:47:36 +0000 Rachel631 3222643@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>OK, yeah... I can see why the blessing thing is a bit confusing. It's quite confusing on all sides, really. Non-conformist churches of various denominations have, over the decades/centuries, gone through phases of allowing infant baptism, phases of rejecting it completely and only allowing adult baptism, and phases of allowing both. I was raised in quite a hard-line family tradition of only allowing adult baptism... this is unusual nowadays, actually, partly because relatives of different traditions like to see babies baptised, so people tend to give into the pressure as it is expected.</p> <p>The reason this matters, is that traditionally (in this type of church) then baptism should only occur after a moment of personal conversion... a moment in your adult life when you put aside the habits of childhood, soul search, and come to the conclusion that a) God is real and b) you want to follow X set of Christian traditions. Before your adult baptism, you may not receive communion. Instead, you receive a blessing. After your baptism, and your moment of personal conversion, you receive communion. I'm not sure what happens if you were baptised as a baby... there were a few kids at my old church in that position when I was baptised who seemed to start taking communion about a year or so after me. Presumably there was some sort of course for them... doubtless modelled on the first communion course for Catholics, but aimed at much older kids/young adults (16+).</p> <p>Now, nobody from my side will openly make a fuss about receiving a blessing because there is no offence intended. They know this. But at the same time, it's a bit... hurtful to them because (follow my thinking here) it negates both their baptism and their moment of personal conversion, if you see what I mean... I tried to find a round about way of explaining all of that to the family. Nobody quite got it. Nor does FI. He says that "I don't really understand your thinking... I think it's a Catholic/non-Catholic thing". He has also tried to explain various other Catholic bits and bobs to me. I have pretty much had to give him the same response (interesting that two such similar people raised in Christian traditions have such different ways of thinking about religion that they just don't get each other at all...)</p> <p>On another note: "(2) In Catholicism, to be viewed as a valid wedding, there are three elements - In a church, said by a priest, during a Mass.&nbsp; I know the Rite and Catechism says you can receive the Sacrament without a full mass and that it's routinely done in both conservative and liberal Catholic churches, but at the same time, it seems like your FILs are very conservative and do not follow the more liberal view that the Sacrament does not have to take place in a full mass."</p> <p>Darn. I was hoping I could rely on the fact that a wedding without a mass is considered the preferred option in many churches when a Catholic and non-Catholic marry, according to some of the older posts on here (some people said that you had to get special dispensation to have a mass in such a wedding in their parish, and others that priests strongly encouraged them not to have a nuptual mass in this case). Well, in that case I think my first port of call is going to have to be a few priests in the churches around my wedding location, to get a few priestly opinions. Ugh. Then I guess I'll have to sit around with the priest and FI's family and thrash it out in as civilised a manner as possible. My family live on the other side of the country, so I won't invite them to the meetiing, probably. To be honest, they won't really want to get involved (they hate conflicts like this), and they will probably just say that religion is a deeply personal matter and that the only opinions that matter are mine, FIs, and God's. Which is all very well in its own way, but I don't think that God is likely to give me his opinion on a postcard... if he was in the habit of doing that, there would only be one Christian church and we wouldn't be having this problem! Anyway, they also won't want to give an opinion as they will say that they don't want their feelings to be a cause of conflict. In theory, that should make it simpler, but I don't thiink it's fair that people who keep their feelings close to their hearts never get their own way, or that it's OK for them to feel a bit put out.</p> <p>Ugh. This whole thing makes me feel so unhappy about what should be the best bit :-(</p> <p>EDIT: Just found this on another thread...</p> <p>"I just want to point out a few things:</p> <p>Your fiance isn't considered to be a Christian by the Catholic Church. I only point this out because if your fiance was a Christian, you would have a choice regarding a Nuptial Mass or a Rite of Marriage without Mass.&nbsp; However, Unitarians deny the Trinity and Original Sin, and are considered to be non-Christians for that reason.&nbsp; Because of this, your marriage would be a Natural Marriage and not a Sacramental Marriage.&nbsp; It would be incredibly (as in next to impossible) to be granted a dispensation for a Nuptial Mass for a Natural Marriage."</p> <p>Er... well, my lot do believe in the Trinity but don't believe in original sin (that said, as there is no catechism in my tradition, you will find that some people believe in it and some do not). That aside... so if this is true... then I can't have a Nuptual Mass anyway. But then, do I really want to bring this up and risk not having a Sacramental marriage? I mean, that's not really a great option either... so complicated! Ugh!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/not-your-parish#post-3222599 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 06:36:37 +0000 NavyBride2013 3222599@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Thanks guys. &nbsp;</p> <p>We are in a strange situation anyway b/c I live on the east coast and my FI lives on the west coast. We won't live in the same state for at least 2 years (and maybe not even then if he deploys), so we don't have a home church that we share. &nbsp;And, I am moving in about 5 months, so I will be at a brand new parish in a new state about the time we start signing contracts and finalizing location. &nbsp; Point being that neither of us wants to get married in the "temporary" locations we both live in now and would rather go to a location that has meaning for us.</p> <p>We are prob going to have to do a weekend encounter for pre-cana classes since we live across the country from each other; I am less worried about that b/c I think the priest will work with us b/c of the military situation.&nbsp;</p> <p>I guess I need to figure out whether to start with (1) my FI's church; (2) my parents' church in another state; (3) my church that I will be leaving in a few months; (4) wait until I move and talk to the priest at my new church!&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/catholicnon-catholic-christian-wedding-mass-issues-very-long-but-pls-help#post-3222355 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 03:19:44 +0000 abbie017 3222355@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>(1) The blessing in the Catholic tradition is very sacred and bestowed upon any non-Catholic.&nbsp; From a Catholic perspective, it's not insulting at all, so I can see why they were put off when you said that it might be offensive to your side of the family.&nbsp; Regardless, I don't know anything about your tradition, because I was raised and still am a practicing Catholic, so I don't know where the offense comes from on your side.&nbsp; In Catholicism, the blessing is given to anyone not in a State of Grace - which means, you have a sin on your soul for which you have not confessed, you are unbaptized, you have not received the Sacrament of the Eucharist, or you are not Catholic.&nbsp; My FI is Jewish and routinely receives a blessing at Mass.&nbsp;</p> <p>(2) In Catholicism, to be viewed as a valid wedding, there are three elements - In a church, said by a priest, during a Mass.&nbsp; I know the Rite and Catechism says you can receive the Sacrament without a full mass and that it's routinely done in both conservative and liberal Catholic churches, but at the same time, it seems like your FILs are very conservative and do not follow the more liberal view that the Sacrament does not have to take place in a full mass.&nbsp;</p> <p>Honestly, I have no advice for you.&nbsp; It seems like your FMIL is dead-set on having a full Catholic wedding, while it makes your family uncomfortable.&nbsp; Someone has to give here.&nbsp; Is it possible to bring your parents, and your FILs, and your FI to the church to meet with the priest and discuss what options there are?&nbsp; Maybe if a priest tells her the ceremony without the full mass is considered a valid marriage in the eyes of the Church, she'll be a bit more compromising?&nbsp;</p> <p>Good luck with all of this!&nbsp;</p>