http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards: Forum: Encore - Recent Topics en Tue, 14 Feb 2012 06:08:49 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-read-his-divorce-decreehave-you-done-the-same#post-263001 Thu, 16 Jul 2009 07:47:31 +0000 TheEncoreBride 263001@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>As Mr. Encore was packing a few things the other day to move to my house (after he sold his) he found a draft of his divorce decree. For the record, it was not the final&nbsp;&quot;stamped&quot; copy but I am assuming it was the final. As I started reading the thing I could feel my heart sink. She keeps the house and car, he pays off both for her, he pays child's undergraduate degree with all living/medical, etc. expenses...AND she takes what is entitled to her from HIS retirement. OK at this point I'm clearly P** O** but hey, this happened years ago and it had nothing to do with me. Obviously he wanted to end it pretty bad if he agreed to all this stuff. </p> <p>I asked him if he understood what all that jargon meant? He responded that&nbsp;it wasn't what they'd agreed on and he was confident she didn't want his retirement. Well...I asked him why wasn't that spelled out in that agreement if they agreed to that. Anyways, he was pretty bummed after he realized that I was seriously concerned about the text in that paper. Bottom line is: we will be visiting a lawyer with both of our decrees before we get married. I just want to make sure I am not building something with him just to see it be taken away by her.</p> <p>Have you guys read/shared&nbsp;each (yours or his)&nbsp;other's divorce decree?&nbsp;&nbsp;Did you find anything in there you were surprised by? Have you consulted an attorney together?</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/this-is-my-encore-weddingweird-to-have-a-shower-and-b-party#post-3177499 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:47:46 +0000 AirForceWife78 3177499@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>This is my second wedding. I'm in my mid-30's and we have a house full of things, meaning we don't need much. Isn't it a little odd to have a shower? Kind of like having a baby shower for the 2nd and 3rd child? Also, we're having a courthouse wedding before the big wedding (FI is military) so isn't it weird to have a B-party?? AFTER I'm already married?? Opinions please!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/what-did-you-do-with-ring-from-first-marriage#post-2956024 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 18:43:22 +0000 Cupcake2012 2956024@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Hi fellow encore brides! My first marriage wwas a very bad and unhealthy relationship and he was a total prick. The ring was very nice, although not exactly what I would choose, but pretty nontheless. &nbsp;It was a one carat round in white gold. It had some sentimental value, not much though, and I do love diamonds so much in general.&nbsp;</p> <p>However I got into a lot of credit card debt during the relationship, and a lot of it due to my shopping to try to help my unhappiness. I held onto the ring for a while. When I got engaged again, and my fiance proposed got me gorgeous .87 cushion in platinum with pave band. (different than the first and I had input!) &nbsp;I felt odd hanging onto the old ring. I got almost $2k for selling it and paid one of my credit cards. It was a step toward our future and a small dent in my massive debt. FI is very responsible and I will never have to worry about money with her. She helps me while I continue to pay off my high interest cards. I care about our future, getting a house, etc. I love her more than life itself.&nbsp;</p> <p>Sometimes though I am haunted by my decision to sell the first ring, although I know it was the right choice, and showed responsibility to make up for my credit mistakes. It represented a horrible marriage and bad chouces and I would have felt weird with it in a necklace I think. However I second guess myself. I have no emotional attachment to it, I just love diamonds!!! I love her more though. I thought maybe some of you could share what you did with the first ring/rings, and/or reassure me I did the right thing. Thanks!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/giddy-038-at-the-same-time#post-3214769 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 20:44:49 +0000 lorie 3214769@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Objective opinions welcomed! I'm feeling incredibly giddy about my upcoming marriage but wonder if it's silly for me to feel this way. I'm 52. I was married when I was 19 &amp; in college because it was a sin to live with a man and we were the shame of our families. We did the right Catholic thing &amp; got married. We did love each other but 3 years later, his blossoming bi-polar disorder (only identified years later) tore our lives &amp; marriage apart. We were SO young. 2 years&nbsp;after that divorce&nbsp;I married a man I thought was stable because he was so without emotion. I stayed married for 25 years (didn't want to "fail" a second time) but endured plenty of emotional abuse. He was incapable of loving anything or anybody but&nbsp;I was sure I could make it work with enough therapy, patience, changing myself&nbsp;etc.&nbsp; When I couldn't take it anymore and the kids were a bit older, I had to end it or I'd end myself. Lots of therapy before I came to this decision. By the time we separated I'd gone through all the stages of loss and was ready to move on. While waiting for the decree to be finalized, I met an amazing man and we've been together ever since. He's never been married, is quite a bit younger than I am but he is kind, loving, open, sincere, loves my daughter...all the things I never had. He is a gift in my life and I think I'm the same to him. He adores me and my 87 yr old mom adores him, which is saying a lot! My problem is, I'm over the moon with excitement that we're getting married! I never thought I'd do it again but I'm so sure of him and us that I can't believe how lucky I am after so many years of total soul-crushing unhappiness. Is it silly or ridiculous to be this age and feel like I'm a kid again?</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-was-a-bad-wife#post-3183473 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:09:30 +0000 HappierKate 3183473@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I wasn't really, objectively. &nbsp;I'm sure I wasn't. &nbsp;Logically, I know that I made an effort to be a "good" wife and to love my husband to the full extent of our vows. &nbsp;Obviously I wasn't perfect, and snapped at times, and didn't always keep up with the housework and put upon my ex-husband more than I should have, but I think that's just what happens with every relationship, you need to learn how to work together and there will always be fights and bad moods no matter how hard you try to avoid them. &nbsp;We're human!</p> <p>It was a very bad relationship and I'm so glad it ended, and only wish it had ended sooner. &nbsp;Now I'm engaged to a wonderful man and I'm finding that every now and then, I break down and sob that I don't want to make him unhappy and I don't want to be a bad wife, and when he tries to reassure me that I won't be, I just tell him that I already was. &nbsp;He is exceedingly patient and won't accept that, but is this normal? &nbsp;I have this overwhelming sense of failure, sometimes over things that I couldn't control. &nbsp;Just the fact that I got a divorce makes me feel like I failed as a wife and I'm going to fail again, and I know that's ridiculous. &nbsp;I would never say to anyone that because she got divorced, it means she was a bad wife.</p> <p>Does anyone else ever feel like that? &nbsp;If so, what do you do about it? &nbsp;I'm excited to be marrying FI, but didn't expect this all to be dredged up like this.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/curious-what-other-encores-are-paying-for-second-wedding-vs-your-first#post-1863715 Tue, 08 Mar 2011 17:02:46 +0000 southshorestarfish 1863715@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I'm just curious...&nbsp; my first wedding was when I was 26 years old and my parents footed the entire bill.&nbsp; We paid for the honeymoon and the grand total rang up at $28k</p> <p>This is both my FI's and my second wedding.&nbsp; We each have a small child (under 5) and we each have a mortgage.&nbsp; So, since we are paying for everything ourselves this time and we already have some major expenses we are trying to stay "small and simple".&nbsp; Unfortunately, my goal of being under $10k has now gone to trying to stay under $18k.&nbsp; I can't believe how much more expensive everything has gotten in only 8 years! :)</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/telling-family-they-arent-invited#post-2731486 Tue, 11 Oct 2011 11:46:45 +0000 Couple Number One 2731486@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>New to the board, and I know it's been discussed before, but no harm in an updated discussion.</p> <p>My FI and I are planning our encore wedding for the both of us and budget is a big concern.&nbsp; We want to keep things small, which means limiting guests.&nbsp; My family isn't as big, and not as close, so saying no to cousins and even Aunts and Uncles isn't too tough for me.&nbsp; But my FI family is close and is used to inviting everyone to everything.</p> <p>She is stressing about telling certain family no, and other they are invited.&nbsp; I have told her to just explain that we have a budget and if they cared about you they would understand and not take it personally.&nbsp;&nbsp; Of course her Mom and Sister reinforce that she "has to invite" this family member or another...easy to say when you aren't paying or planning.</p> <p>Anyway, how do you guys handle this?&nbsp; What is the best way to tell family or friends with out them getting bitter?&nbsp; Have you ever had to deal with a bitter non-invite?&nbsp; Did it change your opinion of them?&nbsp; How long did it take them to "get over it"?</p> <p>Thanks!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/including-grade-school-aged-children-in-ceremony-procession#post-3212951 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 13:14:20 +0000 Razmataz 3212951@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I have 3 children from my first marriage- Girl 6th grade, Boy 3rd grade, Girl 1st grade.</p> <p>I don't think I want them to 'give me away' via an escort down the aisle&nbsp;(and the logistics of having 3 of them and one of me kind of puts the damper on that idea&nbsp;anyway)&nbsp;but I certainly think they should be part of the procession as they will be our 'attendants'.&nbsp; I think I might have my son walk with a sister on each arm, but I know that that might be a little awkward to pull off since he's only 9.&nbsp; I want each child to feel just as important as the other- and no one should get a particular spotlight or feel that they're not as important or as cute or whatever....that's why I feel like my son should walk in just like my daughters.&nbsp; And that no one should walk alone.</p> <p>Typically my older two fight like cats and dogs, but I'm hoping they'll buck up and 'touch each other' nicely on the day of the ceremony.</p> <p>Anyone BTDT or have any other&nbsp;suggestions?&nbsp; I think my girls would really like to walk down the aisle versus just stand at the front and watch me walk.&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/encore-brides-do-you-mind-sharing-why-and-if-you-have-any-advice#post-2884914 Mon, 21 Nov 2011 08:53:55 +0000 roxy821 2884914@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Now that the excitement and the fact of being newlyweds has worn off, I find that marriage really is a lot of hard work and we seem to be getting into more arguments as we really figure out our roles within the marriage.</p> <p>Do you mind sharing how or why your marriage ended in divorce and if you have any advice for anyone newly married for the first time?</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/eat-drink-and-re-marry-is-this-too-much-for-some-guests#post-3074959 Wed, 11 Jan 2012 06:46:52 +0000 mypinkshoes 3074959@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>will our guests be okay with us poking fun at the fact that we will both be remarrying?</p> <p>i wanted to make a menu for the bar and looking at some of the diy menu projects, i really like the 'eat, drink and be married' ones.&nbsp;&nbsp; my fiance and i have both been married before so i wanted to put 'eat, drink &amp; re-marry' on it instead.&nbsp; just to make our guests chuckle or put a smile on their faces.&nbsp;</p> <p>our family and friends are totally fine (in fact thrilled) with the fact that we are both divorced and getting married again.&nbsp; i just don't know how they will feel about that poke (about remarrying) at a wedding.&nbsp; half of our guests have been divorced/remarried, the other half, married once or still single. (stats are correct).&nbsp; i of course would not mention this during the ceremony but is the wedding reception too sacred to make light of this fact of life?</p> <p>first timers or encore brides, please, tell me what you think. </p>