http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards User Favorites: LatteLove en Tue, 14 Feb 2012 01:27:15 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/anyone-else-a-seminary-studentpastors-wife-or-fiance/page/2#post-1248267 Mon, 06 Sep 2010 18:15:15 +0000 spitfire229 1248267@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Thanks for starting this thread. My FI is a M.Div student and plans to be a chaplain in the Canadian Forces.</p> <p>I've learned that as his Greek Orthodox wife (I still need to be confirmed), I will be a Prebytera.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/anyone-else-a-seminary-studentpastors-wife-or-fiance/page/2#post-1245787 Sun, 05 Sep 2010 15:28:32 +0000 Scottielass 1245787@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Though I'm not either, my brother is getting his doctorate at a seminary in Chicago and his FI is finishing her pastor studies next year.&nbsp; We've given him some good natured ribbing about becoming a Pastor's wife, but we all think it's great.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/anyone-else-a-seminary-studentpastors-wife-or-fiance/page/2#post-1245772 Sun, 05 Sep 2010 15:19:36 +0000 MissMeg 1245772@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>It's so encouraging to know there's more of us out there! My fiance was a High School History teacher, and now is a director of youth ministry (aka "youth pastor" but not ordained) at the church I grew up in. He just started his first seminary class this semester. He's only been at the church job 4 months so he will be doing seminary part time for the next few years. He says he's on the "10 year" track to his MDIV. Dating, and now being engaged to, the youth director has been quite the experience. I've worked with the youth group for years before I even knew him, but now that we're together I feel like I have to watch every move I make even more than before. I'll definitely have to get used to the "fishbowl" of being a church worker's wife.&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/anyone-else-a-seminary-studentpastors-wife-or-fiance#post-1139925 Fri, 23 Jul 2010 09:34:19 +0000 erine 1139925@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Hey ladies! So glad I found this blog.&nbsp; My husband is applying to seminary here in St. Louis this fall.&nbsp; He has been the youth pastor at 2 different churches in our area.&nbsp; Really would love to chat and get to know all of you!!</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Please respond!</p> <p>Erin VanHorn</p> <p><a href="mailto:erinevanhorn@gmail.com">erinevanhorn@gmail.com</a></p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/nearly-called-off-our-wedding-because-of-stags-night-two-weeks-out#post-802231 Tue, 16 Mar 2010 06:41:02 +0000 said8me 802231@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Thanks for the update!&nbsp; So glad to hear you guys worked things out and are moving forward.&nbsp;</p> <p>When I said, "Think of the message that it sends to your FI..." I guess I was sort of playing devil's advocate, hoping you'd see the other side of things and not be so angry with him.&nbsp; I do understand what you're saying though.&nbsp; You did what was best for you, bottom line.&nbsp; And there's nothing wrong with that!</p> <p>I've been to strip clubs, and I've gotten lapdances.&nbsp; Maybe I'm just a little desensitized.&nbsp; <img src="http://boards.weddingbee.com/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />&nbsp; I would draw the line at prostitutes though.&nbsp; Yucky, and no thanks!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/nearly-called-off-our-wedding-because-of-stags-night-two-weeks-out#post-801734 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 21:41:35 +0000 eryepye 801734@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I'm very glad to hear things are going better with you and your FI :) &nbsp;Thank you very much for the update and best of luck to you both!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/nearly-called-off-our-wedding-because-of-stags-night-two-weeks-out#post-801174 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 17:40:57 +0000 Tanya123 801174@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Hi Velveteen.&nbsp; I'm glad things are working out for you two!</p> <p>No I wasn't trying to say christianity=easy forgiveness.&nbsp; But I thought since you were a strong Christian, forgiveness would be important to you.&nbsp; (And you indicated already that knew he was in the wrong.)</p> <p>Thanks for updating us.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/nearly-called-off-our-wedding-because-of-stags-night-two-weeks-out#post-800604 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 13:56:24 +0000 Miss Velveteen 800604@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>This is a long reply - my apologies! But I wanted to respond to the main points raised. It's been a bit hectic as it's now four days out from the wedding, but I have snuck back on weddingbee and did get to read everyone's comments, but only had time to write out a proper reply now.</p> <p>Fi and I are really good now, and have come closer together because of what happened and from working through it together :)</p> <p>@said8me - It doesn't matter whether he planned, asked to go there, or whether it was one night or all the time - he chose to go there. He went into the strip club, he accepted the lap dance.</p> <p>I haven't been to a strip club myself but I'm pretty sure lap dances are nothing but sexual. They are designed to (and do) arouse and stimulate. Those feelings are for between fi and I once we are married. He would be upset, justifiably, if I say read raunchy romance novels for an erotic fix, or got turned on on by a hot actor in a movie.</p> <p>Basically, arousing lust for someone other than your husband/wife is not okay. Clearly we are not coming from the same view point, but as fi and I believe in the bible we try to live by verses such as 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5: <em>For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God...</em></p> <p>Whatever your personal beliefs are, surely you would agree that visiting a strip club and having a lapdance goes against what fi and I believe?</p> <p>@Arachna - That was exactly my concern. If this is what he does now, how will the future be any different? However after talking and praying about it a lot together and seeing him respond to people since I feel confident that it is in fact capable of standing up for his beliefs and for our relationship. He let me know his own plans for making sure things don't get out of hand again in the future, by not getting drunk and by distancing himself from these particular friends. He has given me confidence in him again :)</p> <p>@okqueenbee - Thank you. That was a really good idea :) I suggested talking to our pastor about it and he didn't want to at first - basically because of pride - he doesn't want anyone to know what he did because they would think less of him. But he prayed about it, and thought about it, and eventually was humbled and said he would in fact like to bring it up with our pastor, so long as I was there with him. He is trying really hard.</p> <p>@Vonniegurl, Meghan V &amp; monitajb - thank you :)</p> <p>@eryepye - thank you! Exactly.</p> <p>@Tanya123 - you hit a few key points. As far as what Jesus would do, well, I do believe he forgives the repentant, but it is not a light thing to sin despite knowing it is wrong.</p> <p>Take Hebrews 10:26-27: <em>If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.</em></p> <p>It's not that I think he cannot be forgiven, or that I shouldn't forgive him, or even that I don't ever sin despite knowing it's wrong. But, I don't think Christianity should be equated with easy forgiveness (I do not think you believe this, but your post does read that way). It is not just love and acceptance, there is right and wrong and we know the difference</p> <p>The other specifically Christian aspect I considered was spiritual maturity and ability to avoid temptation, in relation to readyness for marriage.</p> <p>@whitesonnet - I totally agree with your first paragraph. It's really made fi realise that he needs to be firm and that it's okay to say no, or be honest and say things that aren't what the other person expects to hear. I've seen him do this a few times since, which is nice.</p> <p>I didn't take of my ring because I was angry, I took my ring off because our agreement, our relationship, had not been honoured and I did not want to continue with the wedding unless I could be sure that we were entering it with the same morals and convictions. What do you mean by the reality of taking off a ring? It was not an idle threat but an honest sentiment.</p> <p>@amariem25 - oh gosh yes! He has apologised multiple times. I know he still thinks about it because he will occasionally apologise again and tell me how grateful he is that I forgave him and still love him.</p> <p>I don't think it's okay just because it happens all the time at bachelor parties!</p> <p>@CurlyDreamer - It is not that I think this is the worst thing I think we will ever face, but that I have much more choice about how I proceed since we are not yet married. What other boundaries do you mean?</p> <p>@said8me (again&nbsp;<img src="http://boards.weddingbee.com/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /> ) - the 'yes' that matters is the 'I do' at our wedding. We not yet made our vows and are not yet husband and wife. In my eyes that would be a very different situation to our current engagement.</p> <p>Out of curiousity, is there not a point at which you would abort your engagement? Strip clubs aside, what if your fiance visited a prostitute, had a one night stand or committed a crime as a part of his last 'wild night of freedom'? Is there nothing he could do that would shock you and make you reassess who you though you were marrying?</p> <p>Taking off me ring was indeed a bold move, and that is why I did it. I wouldn't desribe what happened as a misunderstanding, but a choice that he made. There was no grey area about what or why or how, and he has never claimed there to be.</p> <p>To turn your words around - Think of the message that his actions sent to me... I trusted him with my heart, and what he did indicates just how easily he can forget about me and forget his word.</p> <p>@Neato andedo - I have no regrets about taking off my ring :) I couldn't stand to wear it - it represented such a lie to me when I first found out, a broken promise. And it was important to me to make sure he realised that I was perfectly serious (as my ring is quite special to us). Thank you for your support :)</p> <p>@2PeasinaPod - oh no! I do not want to live with bitterness and resentment. It is forgiven and we have moved on :)</p> <p>Thank you for taking the time to reply... you guys are great :)</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/nearly-called-off-our-wedding-because-of-stags-night-two-weeks-out#post-785187 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:16:48 +0000 2PeasinaPod 785187@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I'm only going to try to make one point b/c you mentioned you were Christian. A very huge part of Christianity is forgiveness. You have to decide if you're willing to forgive your FI for going against your wishes. It sounds as if he's humbled and is asking for it. Keep in mind that once you forgive, you shouldn't punish him for the rest of his life for this. He was honest, came forward and told you what happened (he could have hid that from you). So, you need to figure out if you want to forgive AND forget.</p> <p>I hope that helps.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/nearly-called-off-our-wedding-because-of-stags-night-two-weeks-out#post-785181 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:15:48 +0000 Neato anedo 785181@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I don't think you should feel guilty for taking off your ring. Only you and your FH know how important your morals are to you, and how important the agreement that you made (and had broken) was.</p> <p>I have no problem with other women being okay with strip clubs or strippers, but I do have a problem with other women trying to push their beliefs on others who don't share that point of view.</p> <p>I am like you. I would consider a lap dance cheating, especially because my FH knows how uncomfortable I am with the idea of strippers. By knowing that, if he chose to engage in such an activity, it would be in complete disprect to me. It would also be a lie, and I am not fan of liars. I would call off a wedding over cheating. I think you were justified in doing what you did because it showed how you really felt. It is NOT okay to be disrespected and lied to, and just because you are engaged to your FH does not give him any further entitlement to do so.</p> <p>We all have our own comfort levels, so please do not reget your decision to take off your ring. If you can work through it, that is wonderful, but do not feel pressured by society telling you "it was just a strip club; all guys do it", because that is not true. To you it was a display of your FH's moral weakness, as well as his CHOICE to blatantly disrespect you. You should make yoru decisions based on how you feel, and how you and your FH deal with this issue. Do not let others try to persuade you.</p> <p>And @veganglam, AMEN! Reading these posts about all these women who are "sick" and anxious because their FH is out for his bachelor party really makes me sad. I wish these women did not feel such an obligation to such a petty tradition. It is not worth the relationship insecurities that usually follow.</p>