http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: Living together before marriage? en Sun, 07 Sep 2008 17:15:42 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-51886 Tue, 20 May 2008 14:10:17 +0000 ErinMarieMack 51886@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>We are also not living together, for personal and religious reasons (It also doesn't hurt that my parents said they would not contribute to our wedding if we did live together). I really have been surprised at how much judgement I have encountered for NOT living with FI, even though there are valid reasons not to. For me,&nbsp;I want to live like a single when I am single, and have something to look forward to when we get married (even though&nbsp;I understand that living together will be challenging too).&nbsp;That being said, I think it really does depend on the individual couple, and it is always important to resepct others' choices even when they differ from your own. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-51851 Tue, 20 May 2008 13:20:30 +0000 GetMarried4Less 51851@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>distance seperates us currently, but for the first 4 years of our relationship we did not live together. (religious reasons)....and even though we are engaged, i have chosen not to move to his city yet bc its not right for us personally. </p> <p>since not living together for religous reasons seems to be in the minority, i felt the need to speak up.....bc those who haven't taken that plunge yet need to know that they are others out here.</p> <p>i'm nervous about living together primarily bc i do like having my own space and currently he lives in a one bedroom apt, but I am excited too. it will be an interesting transition, but i know our faith will bring us thru it.</p> <p><img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_wink.gif" /></p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-51818 Tue, 20 May 2008 12:23:54 +0000 futuremrsbrown 51818@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>We've been together 7 years now and living together for about 3.&nbsp; We love it but I think it just depends on the couple.&nbsp; It really can make or break ya.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Of course, you have to handle the issues the right way.&nbsp; It's normal to be scared about moving in, esp. since you've been enjoying your own space for so long.&nbsp; If you do move in together before the wedding, it'll be a lot less stressful after the wedding, b/c you can just relax.&nbsp; Before, you'll be able to get the move out of the way first, at least.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>But good luck!!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-51585 Mon, 19 May 2008 17:06:40 +0000 Anti-Zilla 51585@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>we dont live together b /c we are in different cities for our respective careers</p> <p>it's a huge pita - but for us - it works.</p> <p>more than likely we will live apart after we're married - for about 6 months - again due to our careers - he cant just leave and i just cant leave.</p> <p>however, i think if we lived in the same city, we would still not be living together before being married - it's just not our style i guess. not to say that we wouldnt be at one or the other's place - but i think we'd both still have our own places until &quot;i do&quot;</p> <p>i think each couple has to do what's best for them under their specific circumstances...if that means living together, then by all means, move in together... if not, then dont - i dont see why there's such an uproar about it</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-51563 Mon, 19 May 2008 15:56:55 +0000 pado84 51563@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>We were together for nearly 6 years before marriage. And lived together for 5 years, to the day, when we were married. It made sense financially to live together, and we couldn't think of a good reason not to do it- so we moved in together after dating for about 10 months. It was a wonderful decision and I don't regret it one bit. I see no problem in getting used to living together before tying the knot. And it's still special when you get married, I promise! (Married 9 months now :) </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-45328 Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:38:24 +0000 wizard 45328@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>We dated for 2.5 years before we were engaged and once we were we bought a house together. My family wasn't psyched about it- religious reasons plus i have younger siblings- but his family had no problem. I never asked for permission from my family as i knew what the answer would be. But I'm also an adult &amp; my fam have totally accepted MY decisions. As for the living together- I LOVE IT. I wouldn't change it. I do have moments of regret- solely based on my family's opinion, but not because I'm unhappy or wondering &quot;what would it be like if we waited?&quot; I am glad I won't be moving in with him, sifting through piles of wedding gifts, and just returning home from a honeymoon all at the same time. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-33048 Tue, 11 Mar 2008 04:00:28 +0000 kaymarie 33048@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>i've felt so bad for nigelsbride as i was reading her responses. it is so sad to me that when&nbsp;an opinion is presented through a religious perspective it's often met with defensivness (this happened to have occured to me tonight from a good friend so it's particularly striking).</p> <p>&nbsp;we won't be able to live together before marriage, for many reasons. first and foremost, we don't feel that it's right for our relationship. we were brought up in such a manner that we feel it isn't an important &quot;stepping stone&quot; into marriage. as my mom always told me &quot;if your dirty unmentionables are mixing with his the dryer door better be clanging against your ring!&quot; (for a southern woman she really had a way with words). factor in the religious aspects (we're christian), the perception that we've waited until marriage to consumate our relationship, and the fact that his first-generation catholic-raised maltese mother (whom i ADORE) would promptly disown us and we realize that waiting to live together, and forcing ourselves to say goodnight at a respectable hour, as hard as it is is absolutley the right choice for us.</p> <p>&nbsp;that said, i don't look down in any way on people who live together before marriage. for many, it's the right choice. it goes by a case-by-case basis, and i realize that. what is right for us may not (and is not) right for other couples and i understand that.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-32989 Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:54:21 +0000 lina624 32989@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>My fiance and I were best friends for almost a year to the day before our first kiss, but the moment we went from friends to more than friends we were inseparable from day one.&nbsp; We pretty much started living together from the very beginning.&nbsp; We officially got our own place afte being together for about 11 months.&nbsp; We've been together now for more than 5 years.</p> <p>I wouldn't change it at all.&nbsp; Quite honestly I think it's nice to kind of do a trial run before making such a big commitment.&nbsp; I would rather know how things would be before getting married than after.&nbsp; You discover a lot of things about someone when you share the same living space.&nbsp; I've had really close friends in the past that once we began living together we just couldn't get along and therefore are no longer good friends, let alone acquaintances.</p> <p>One thing I strongly believe in about relationships is that you should have your own identity separate from being together as a couple.&nbsp; Just because you live together doesn't mean you have to lose your independence.</p> <p>Good Luck!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-32820 Mon, 10 Mar 2008 14:28:49 +0000 missking 32820@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>The summer after I graduated high school, my fiance and I both moved out of our parents' houses into an apartment together. At first, we had another roommate with us (a friend of mine from high school), and now that she has moved out, I'm absolutely loving that we're living together before we get married this June. It honestly helps so much knowing if you can live with that person BEFORE tying the knot. :] </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-32813 Mon, 10 Mar 2008 14:17:26 +0000 IndianBride 32813@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Live with my FI now and have for about a year and a half at least. I love it and I understand that some think its wrong. Our parents kinda turn a blind eye like they don't know. . . </p> <p>I definitely don't think it is anything to freak out about. It is fine and very good preparation for marriage because when I initially moved in it was rocky for awhile dealing with your significant other's idiosycracies etc. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-9227 Mon, 05 Nov 2007 19:14:07 +0000 plumeria 9227@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I've been following this thread for a while now and just thought I'd throw in my two cents as well, especially since some of you may have followed my planning process on Weddingbee and therefore&nbsp; &quot;know&quot; me a little better than other posters.</p> <p>Mr. Plumeria and I did not live together before getting married, and we feel absolutely sure this was the right decision for us.&nbsp; The reason why was almost purely a&nbsp; religious one, as I must concede it was definitely <em>not &nbsp;</em> more convenient or easier to live apart while we were engaged. &nbsp; We were very happy and excited to finally live together after we tied the knot! </p> <p>I personally don't expect someone else who does not have the same religious beliefs as us to understand what we felt were the benefits of not living together beforehand, as much of that has to do with fulfilling a set of guidelines that would not exist without our particular beliefs. For us, for whom those guidelines do exist, we were perfectly willing to acquiesce, and are consequently perfectly happy with our decision -- wouldn't have had it any other way!&nbsp; So, it was definitely right for us in our situation, but given a completely different situation with different individuals, a different choice could have been made and yielded an equally happy married couple!</p> <p>I feel that the choice is one to be made with each individual couple, and there isn't an answer that can be considered universally &quot;right&quot; by all, especially within the diverse group commenting here.&nbsp; </p> <p>That said -- to answer the original question, I think anytime you're about to live with someone and share life in a whole new way, it's a natural reaction to be a little apprehensive!&nbsp; But in the end, it's really the greatest blessing to live and learn with the person you love the most... and it's a lot of fun, too. =) </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/4#post-9173 Mon, 05 Nov 2007 14:06:14 +0000 smartl 9173@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Nigelsbride I just wanted to say I actually don't think you came across as a horrible or judgmental person.&nbsp; I thought your response was&nbsp;tactful and&nbsp;considerate.&nbsp; I think your choice is simply so unusual these days that it is bound to evoke some defensiveness from others who are believers, no matter how carefully you explain your situation.&nbsp; You've opened my eyes to a new point of view - not one that I would adopt for myself, but I have come to understand your choice, and I think that's a good thing.&nbsp; I'm glad you posted about your choice.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/3#post-9127 Mon, 05 Nov 2007 10:22:30 +0000 NiftyBa 9127@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I am moving in with my fiance at the end of the year. We have been together for 5 years, and will be married in May. We decided to live together before the wedding not only due to economic reasons, but also to become accustomed to sharing a living space together. I hope that we will be able to mesh together as smoothly as possible, and it's good for us to find out what we need to work on in our relationship since we're going to be living together in the near future anyways. I think it will be a bit difficult to give up that personal space we are each used to having for only our own selves. Also, just because we will be living together does not mean we will not wait until marriage to have sex. That was a choice we made in the very beginning, and cohabitating for us does not have to mean being intimate in that way before the wedding. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/3#post-8911 Sat, 03 Nov 2007 08:11:08 +0000 cyshas 8911@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Hi.&nbsp; Well just to add to this extremely long thread.&nbsp; My roommate got married in July, and I'm getting married next year.&nbsp; </p> <p>She didn't move in with her husband until after the wedding, and they're doing GREAT.&nbsp; But they're both pretty easy going people, and they spent a LOT of time together, even if they didn't live with each other.&nbsp; She always went to his place for weekends, he came over 2-3 nights during the week.&nbsp;&nbsp; </p> <p>I moved in with my FI after my roomate got marred in July.&nbsp; But I only saw my FI 1-2 times during the week.&nbsp; Also I'm not as easy going and we're both so busy and stressed.&nbsp; I knew about his bad habits before, so it wasn't shocked by anything, but it's still been tough for me to adjust.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; So for me, I'm really glad we're living together and dealing with issues before the wedding. After a 3 month learning curve, I've only started getting comforatble.&nbsp; </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/3#post-8904 Fri, 02 Nov 2007 23:20:11 +0000 Beccs 8904@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I am glad you both explained your points of views regarding the kissing before marriage, but it still seems odd to me.<div><br /></div><div>To me, you need to have that intimacy of kissing and such.  Otherwise, it really isn't very different from any other close friendship.  However, that is just my opinion, and I am not trying to judge either of you, it is just an observation I had.</div> </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/3#post-8903 Fri, 02 Nov 2007 23:05:18 +0000 nigelsbride 8903@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p><div>I guess I need to clarify that my comment at the end of my last post was actually sarcastic about myself - what I meant was that because we didn't spend any time making out we had that much more time to do other things, like talk, talk, and talk.  Especially since we got married 8 months after meeting and led very busy lives.  I didn't mean that negatively at all, toward anyone.</div><div><br /></div><div>KNW - Thank you so much!  :-)   You are exactly right - I was only responding to what was asked of me and trying to explain MYSELF and OUR decisions alone - not aim at anyone else.  None of you know me personally at all, or you would 100% have no doubt that I had no mean intentions, and don't look down on any of you or think any less of any of you if your choices are different.  Again, it is not my right or place to judge anyone, so I won't.   I realize I have very strong convictions about how I live my own life, and I do have a right to them, just as you all have a right to yours since it's your life that you're living.  And I know my Biblical convictions and beliefs aren't very popular these days, but I will stand on them just the same for how I live my own life.  </div><div><br /></div>e - You are right - there isn't anything in the Bible about not kissing, and yes, the Bible is very clear about no sex before marriage.  We just didn't even want to be tempted at all, and that is also in the Bible.  So we set our boundaries higher to avoid even the temptation for sex. (I hope you understood that's what I meant).<div><br /><div>If any of you would like to get a little glimpse of my personality or who I really am, without this message thread that's obviously made me look like a horrible person, our wedding website is still up and our story, as well as my own and my husband's, are there under &quot;Our Stories&quot;.  <a href="http://www.nigelandjackie.com." rel="nofollow">http://www.nigelandjackie.com.</a>  I hope you will, as I'm sad at how I've been treated here.  </div><div><br /></div><div>And believe me, I put off posting in the first place because I thought I might get taken the wrong way, but risked it anyway because my story just might inspire someone out there and it's a different opinion from most of the rest.</div><div></div></div> </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/3#post-8882 Fri, 02 Nov 2007 17:32:46 +0000 sweetart 8882@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Thanks to all who shared their stories. Reading your responses&nbsp;helped me come to the conclusion that, although it&nbsp;won't be&nbsp;super easy, moving in together before the wedding will be a good move <strong>for us</strong>. I would much rather start living together now than stress about it on top of the wedding (if we still go through with it - I joke! I joke!)&nbsp;and besides,&nbsp;it was going to happen eventually anyways!&nbsp;<img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_razz.gif" /></p> <p>As amysue stated, this is a personal choice and there is no right or wrong answer. So thanks again for sharing your stories!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/3#post-8871 Fri, 02 Nov 2007 15:54:13 +0000 amysue 8871@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I think everybody just needs to agree that, as said before, this is a very personal choice that's made on the level of specific couples. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/3#post-8870 Fri, 02 Nov 2007 15:53:51 +0000 e 8870@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>wow..i hadn't been keeping up with this thread on the boards.&nbsp; i have to say that my story and background is very similar to nigelsbride.&nbsp; there is absolutely nothing in the bible that says you shouldn't kiss before marriage.&nbsp; it was just a decision we made on our own after much prayer for own situation. but i will say that it is against my religous beliefs to have sex before marriage because the bible is pretty clear about that (no gray area there).&nbsp; but we are all different people with our own set of convictions and beliefs and i definitely do not look down on others who have made other choices then the ones i have made. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/living-together-before-marriage/page/3#post-8866 Fri, 02 Nov 2007 15:43:57 +0000 KNW 8866@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I feel like nigelsbride needs to be defended and that she should be cut some slack - I personally didn't think that she was being judgmental at all, but just explaining her beliefs and why she's made the decisions she's made (after being asked to explain). She's not judging or attacking anyone, and it seems that people are taking things a little too personally and getting defensive.&nbsp; </p> <p>&nbsp;</p>