http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: I'm Outnumbered ... I need some opinions en Fri, 10 Oct 2008 22:00:14 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51114 Sat, 17 May 2008 12:58:36 +0000 southernbella 51114@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>It's tacky. you wouldn't invite a guest into your home and charge them forr a drink...so why do it at your wedding? Anytime I see a cash bar at a wedding, it gets talked about- especially after the wedding. It's rude. Go dry if you can't afford it. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51113 Sat, 17 May 2008 12:55:29 +0000 southernbella 51113@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>It's tacky. you wouldn't invite a guest into your home and charge them forr a drink...so why do it at your wedding? Anytime I see a cash bar at a wedding, it gets talked about- especially after the wedding. It's rude. Go dry if you can't afford it. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51111 Sat, 17 May 2008 12:39:19 +0000 futuremrswecker 51111@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Well, I usually take Miss Manners' word on wedding etiquette, and she says that a cash bar is tacky, and I agree with that.&nbsp; The bottom line is that if you either can't afford or don't want to serve liquor, that is fine, but it is rude to ask your guests to pay for it.&nbsp; If your family is worried about people getting too drunk, well, I would say either don't serve liquor at all or just let it go.&nbsp; You can't control everything people do, and trust me they can get plenty drunk off of beer and wine.&nbsp; If money is the issue, it is perfectly acceptable to serve only what you can afford.&nbsp; And if your guests express displeasure at the lack of something, they are being ungracious and that is not your problem.&nbsp; All you can do is smile and say well I hope you enjoyed yourself.&nbsp; Once again, Miss Manners says if you can't afford liquor serve punch, and if you can't afford punch, serve water.</p> <p>As for how to get your way, I don't know.&nbsp; It sounds like your parents are at least contributing, so in my opinion that gives them a say in how things are done, but in a case like this where you think it is rude to do what they want, I think you have a right to stand your ground on this one.&nbsp; Explain to them why you think it's tacky and why they are not obligated to serve liquor at all.&nbsp; Give them the option of a&nbsp; hosted bar if they can afford it, and explain that they really can't control how much guests drink.&nbsp; Make sure they realize this is not an issue of you being bridezilla and just wanting your way--this is an etiquette issue and what's at stake is being rude and disrespectful to your guests, and that is important.&nbsp; Just make sure to stand your ground and explain that this issue is important to you, and it's not just a matter of taste.&nbsp; Good luck. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51093 Sat, 17 May 2008 11:09:51 +0000 JuneBride 51093@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Skip the cash bar for liquor&nbsp;- I definitely think people will be fine with beer and wine.</p> <p>One of the biggest things I've learned about weddings is that people don't miss what isn't there.&nbsp; So don't have it as an option and people won't miss it!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51089 Sat, 17 May 2008 10:53:54 +0000 enmoore66 51089@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>We are getting married at a vineyard so they do not have a license to have liquor served - so it is just beer, wine, champagne, and all the non-alcoholic drinks.&nbsp; My FI was pretty bummed about this as all of the weddings we have attended together have had an open bar with liquor, and he usually drinks a gin and tonic, etc. at weddings.</p> <p>But, we are serving really good wines, are in wine country (our coordinator tells us people who normally aren't big wine drinkers have a &quot;when in rome&quot; attitude at vineyard weddings), are serving 5 different types of wine, and champagne, and port - plus liquor at the welcome party the night before - so I think it will all be just fine.&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51081 Sat, 17 May 2008 10:06:04 +0000 ambsLS 51081@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>As a wedding bartender, I have to disagree with people who say that guests won't mind not having the liquor option....a lot of people don't drink beer, some people don't drink wine....I don't think charging for alcohol is tacky either, but it is really your choice.&nbsp; Not a lot of people do it at our venue, but some do, and no one really complains about it. </p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>And as far as bartenders keeping an eye on people drinking too much... it is my job on the line if I don't cut someone off who has had too much and then they drive home and get in an accident.... I get fined, the venue loses their liquor licence, etc.&nbsp; It really is for everyone's safety.</p> <p>&nbsp;Hope that helps, and keep us posted!!! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51077 Sat, 17 May 2008 09:36:50 +0000 angiepangie 51077@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Most of the weddings that I have been to in the midwest have had full open bars with the bar closed during dinner but with wine served during dinner.&nbsp; I have actually never been to a weddding with any type of cash bar and I think I would think it is tacky but I am admittedly a bit of a snob so don't base too much of your decision on what I think, do what is best for you and your guests. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51072 Sat, 17 May 2008 09:21:30 +0000 Sweeney2Be 51072@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>To be perfectly honest with you, even the most expensive weddings I've atteneded have done this and I heard no one, inncluding my self talking about how it's tacky. I think you're fine.&nbsp; </p> <p>Most people actually prefer the wine, and beer and would only drink hard alcohol if they knew it was free. On top of that, I really mathc up the term &quot;open bar&quot; with free beer and wine, I very rarely see all out bar privlidges these days. </p> <p>We're doing this at our wedding, also not becuase of a money thing but just because in speaking witht he venue manager, it's not needed &amp; people are happy with the limited items for free. </p> <p>We are making the exception to Scotch, as my step dad and FFIL are Scotch drinkers and there will be a bottle or two provided by us for them to simply enjoy all night. &nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51065 Sat, 17 May 2008 08:27:20 +0000 mikala 51065@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Hmm, I wonder if this is a bit different in at least parts of the midwest.&nbsp; I've been to several weddings here with an open bar during cocktail hour that turns into a cash bar bar after dinner, often with hosted beer/wine.&nbsp; This happens in all sorts of venues and different types of formality, everything from really nice hotel ballrooms to country clubs, etc.&nbsp; It's against most of the common etiquette but it happens all the time. I totally agree with Suzanno's logic but wanted to put it out there that it isn't as big of a faux pas here as it may be in other areas. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51063 Sat, 17 May 2008 07:53:52 +0000 jma19 51063@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Thanks guys. You echoed what I was thinking. Now I have to figure out how to win the fight. Even the DOC at the reception hall said that they way my family wanted to do it is how a lot of people did it (in the midwest). So, we'll see. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51036 Sat, 17 May 2008 01:33:43 +0000 suzanno 51036@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>In general, if you wouldn't charge people by the drink at your house, you shouldn't do it at your wedding.&nbsp; You (and perhaps your parents) are hosting this party, which means providing the food, drink, and entertainment.&nbsp; If you want to have no alcohol, that is fine; if you want to have beer and wine and soft drinks, that is fine; if you want a full bar, that is fine too.&nbsp; We are having a full (hosted, obviously) bar at our reception, and for the RD are having just beer, wine, and soft drinks.&nbsp; I suppose if your guests are the kind to get wasted just because the drinks are free, then perhaps you should have no alcohol, or cut them off at some point.&nbsp; If you have real bartenders, and reasonably responsible guests, I don't think this should be an issue - just like in a bar, the bartender shouldn't serve anyone who seems obviously impaired.&nbsp; </p> <p>Short answer, whatever you serve or don't serve, I wouldn't charge for it.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51030 Sat, 17 May 2008 00:09:23 +0000 bride2bee08 51030@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>we are doing bottles on the table. Each table will have red and white wine, and a beer list (provided by caterer), also we will have vodka and cognac on the table but we are russian and its the russian way <img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_wink.gif" />. At first I wanted to do an open bar but then i was concerned with people getting wasted at the cocktail hour so we are only serving wine and champagne at the cocktail hour. ohh and we will have waiters come out with chapagne for the first toast. </p> <p>&nbsp;I think its tacky to charge people for drinks, but its your wedding so you should just control the situation. I don't think that people will leave disappointed if you only serve wine, beer, and specific cocktails or just wine, champagne and beer. I do however think that people may have funny feelings about being charged for drinks when they just bought you an expensive gift etc. .&nbsp; </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51026 Fri, 16 May 2008 23:48:33 +0000 maureen9004 51026@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>&nbsp; I would have all alcohol if money isn't the issue.&nbsp; Alcohol sets the tone of the wedding and gets people feeling more festive- it adds to the mood and makes it easier for people to dance.&nbsp; Aunt Ida may need a few to get out in the dance flooe (I know I do).</p> <p>&nbsp;&nbsp; I don't think it's tacky, I just feel like most poeple expect it at a wedding.&nbsp; They are coming bearing gifts and you're essentially the host of a party.&nbsp; Don't put your guests out.&nbsp; And if you do go with your fiance's idea- I would spread the word so people know to have cash on them. &nbsp;&nbsp; </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51013 Fri, 16 May 2008 23:17:16 +0000 JCM9608 51013@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p><strong>jma19,</strong></p> <p>Agreed with the others. Keep it at water, juices, soda, beer, and wine only. </p> <p>I am going to go out on a limb and say that people will likely not miss the &quot;other&quot; alcohols/liquors if it isn't there; if they were sitting behind the counter and they had to pay separately for it, it may leave more displeasure than not having it at all. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51012 Fri, 16 May 2008 23:12:34 +0000 GorgesViola 51012@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Good point, vyeta7. :-) I was assuming jma herself wanted to have liquor at the reception. Your suggestion is definitely a good way of avoiding all sorts of issues (and some extra expense, which is always a good thing). </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51011 Fri, 16 May 2008 23:05:39 +0000 vyeta7 51011@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Limiting the bar to beer and wine is completely acceptable.. I would avoid having a cash bar at all - voila, no tackiness. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-51002 Fri, 16 May 2008 22:34:36 +0000 GorgesViola 51002@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>If it's not a financial issue, it seems a little tacky to me, too. Also, depending on how they measure the amount of hard liquor used, hard liquor is not necessarily a lot more expensive than beer and wine. Do you have a venue already? Check with them (or with potential venues) about how they charge for hard liquor.</p> <p>Another thought is to just offer a few signature drinks, so the amount of alcohol in each drink is a little more regulated (and sometimes those drinks are a little less potent, in my experience). Some bartenders also keep an eye on the people drinking a lot too early, though some people might consider THAT tacky.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-outnumbered-i-need-some-opinions#post-50989 Fri, 16 May 2008 22:01:11 +0000 jma19 50989@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>So my family and FI think that it's fine, if at the reception, we have unlimited soda, beer and wine while having the option for guests to buy other drinks if they want (hard licquor, etc). I think this is tacky. Can you guys provide me some insight? Money isn't the issue behind it either, I'm not really sure of the reason they feel this way - they just don't want people to get too wasted too quickly. Thanks! </p>