http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: Our Completely New Last Name. What does the hive think? en Sun, 07 Sep 2008 17:35:55 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think/page/2#post-54412 Tue, 27 May 2008 22:40:24 +0000 SugaryRocks 54412@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>SECOND UPDATE: We went to the courthouse today to file for the name change!</p> <p>YAY! We did it. I can't wait till we get married and I get to change my name too. </p> <p>It wasn't that difficult. It was a very simple process. We just had to read all the instructions carefully and fill out the forms properly. It only took us about an hour max. All we have to do next is get our decree granting the name change from the judge and go ahead with the process of updating information with the Social Security, DMV, etc.</p> <p>If anyone is considering doing this, know that it is not a painful procedure as long as you know what you are doing.</p> <p>Another thing to consider is that here in LA, at least, it take six weeks to get it filed and granted so plan with enough time for the wedding.&nbsp;</p> <p>Thank you all for your kind words! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think/page/2#post-53273 Fri, 23 May 2008 01:46:17 +0000 gingerbread 53273@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Congratulations, Mr. &amp; Mrs.&nbsp;Valis! I am glad that his family came around so quickly. It sounds like you are making a great decision since you are feeling so happy about it <img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_smile.gif" />&nbsp;&nbsp; </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-53271 Fri, 23 May 2008 01:44:35 +0000 SugaryRocks 53271@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>ALSO...</p> <p>i personally believe that we should all be free to decide what is the best choice for each of us on our own terms. i don't think this is right for everyone and i wouldn't push anyone.</p> <p>i like the idea of everyone being able to do what is best for themselves and know that there is more than one way - more than one truth. no tradition is good when it feels forced and we have forgotten why we are doing something to begin with. we should be aware and not be afraid to question ourselves. </p> <p>this should be thought of as just another option among many routes such as hyphenating, moving maiden name to middle name, taking his/her name, or adopting a new name, etc.&nbsp;</p> <p>thank you bees! i appreciate hearing different viewpoints and am happy that my questions were answered.&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-53269 Fri, 23 May 2008 01:36:34 +0000 SugaryRocks 53269@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>UPDATE: his parents called back the next day to more or less apologize and say they love us. </p> <p>they definitely overreacted and his dad was very inappropriate. i think they are doing better now, but either way this is our decision. i haven't let my own parents make my decisions for a long time. no reason to start following &quot;orders&quot; now!&nbsp; we just wanted to give them time to react and cool down. this was just a little bump in the road.</p> <p>we will be heading to the courthouse this fri. or mon. I'm still excited and very happy to be starting a new family name and history with my beloved.</p> <p>this is an amazing feeling. <img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_smile.gif" /> i feel so connected to him.&nbsp;</p> <p>don't be surprised if you see other couples doing this. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51244 Sun, 18 May 2008 02:30:01 +0000 bride 51244@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>there is no way i could ever ask him to change his family name. and for me, i'm just adding on his last name so that i can still keep my name while also honoring his. </p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>do what you both want to do, as long as that decision is in both of your hearts and you are 100% behind it. if there are any doubts whatsoever from either side, i would hold on the idea until it becomes 100%. </p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>i like the awhalley's idea above, if anything.&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51243 Sun, 18 May 2008 02:22:13 +0000 awhalley 51243@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Just sat here reading your note and had a discussion with my FI about it.&nbsp; While I was pro the name change, he was against it, and not because he wouldn't change his last name, but because it means separating yourselves completely from the two families you came from.&nbsp; He made some good points.</p> <p>Even when there were no lastnames per se, you were known by some qualifier (the place you were from, so-and-so's son, or by your job) that have become our modern lastnames.&nbsp; Although they may seem like trivial names now, they signify to the world that you are part of that family and&nbsp;he can see why&nbsp;your FI's&nbsp;father and family&nbsp;may be upset.</p> <p>Have you thought about taking both of your last names as they are and both changing your names legally to both?&nbsp; Seems like it may be a good compromise where you both get a new last name without disregarding the family names you were born with.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51230 Sun, 18 May 2008 00:38:14 +0000 suzanno 51230@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Well, it's too bad his dad is not more open-minded.&nbsp; He really didn't name his son as far as his last name - unless, that is, he changed his own last name!&nbsp; Otherwise, your FI got his last name by default.&nbsp; It's also too bad that his dad can't see that changing his last name shouldn't affect his their relationship at all - although talking bad about you and criticizing your joint decision certainly might damage their relationship.&nbsp; Especially if it goes on...</p> <p>I tease my FI that he will have to take my name - although really I think I will take his name.&nbsp; I know he's flattered at the idea that I would consider taking his name, although he makes sure to tell me that it's whatever I want.&nbsp; I also know that changing his name wouldn't be his first choice, but I think that if I was insistent, he would.&nbsp; </p> <p>I agree that the family has the right to voice their opinions.&nbsp; And then they have an obligation to respect the decision that you have made as adults, and shut the heck up about it.&nbsp; It does no good to continue to b*tch about a decision you don't agree with or understand, especially once it's over.&nbsp; This can be a hard lesson for parents to learn - that once their kids are grown, they need to be treated as adults, with respect.&nbsp; It might be appropriate for your FI to let his dad know that is his expectation.&nbsp; </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51218 Sat, 17 May 2008 22:34:02 +0000 SugaryRocks 51218@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>yes misspodo you have a point. he does think that way and finds it difficult to think of it in a positive way unfortunately.</p> <p>he can only focus on &quot;but no one does that&quot; and &quot;I named you that&quot; and &quot;you're not a woman!&quot;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51211 Sat, 17 May 2008 21:32:17 +0000 MissPodo 51211@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I dunno...sugary rocks...I know it wasn't your idea....but I think it's nice to take your husband's name....it's what's been going on for a long time..way before you were around....it's a tradition, but you are right it is a new day and age now....although just remember his dad may not be upset just because he may not like you...it is his family name.....and the family has every right to voice their opinions...good or bad....a marriage is a union of not just 2 ppl, but their families as well......this is just my opinion....<img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_wink.gif" /> </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51208 Sat, 17 May 2008 21:18:45 +0000 bree 51208@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Wow I must be living under a rock because I have never heard of that. It's pretty cool actually, wish I had considered it:) </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51207 Sat, 17 May 2008 21:13:47 +0000 BunnyBlue 51207@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I like the name! LOL but it is a title of an old sci-fi book! I'm sorry about your FFIL &nbsp;But it sounds like your FI is very supportive. Good luck!! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51195 Sat, 17 May 2008 20:15:28 +0000 SugaryRocks 51195@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>oh and thank you all for the nice comments! it means a lot to me. :) </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51193 Sat, 17 May 2008 20:14:28 +0000 SugaryRocks 51193@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>it's pronounced &quot;ValISS&quot;.</p> <p>my family is fine about it. they have always been pretty supportive even if they think it's weird. they weren't upset. </p> <p>he's actually talking to his family right now and they are very upset! we let them know about a year ago, so i don't know why they are so upset now. i guess they didn't think we were so serious about this.</p> <p>i think his dad is the worst! he actually said a snide racist comment about me which is really hurtful. his dad must think i'm making him do this even though it's was his son's idea. and he is also being very sexist!</p> <p>i had no idea he was like this. i always had my suspicions that his dad didn't like me but my guy always dismissed it. now i know for a fact he doesn't like me.</p> <p>i don't know what to do. i think you should just love your children. we aren't trying to hurt anyone.&nbsp;</p> <p>names have always changed and there was once a time when no one had a second name. times change! some people have too much difficulty adjusting.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51189 Sat, 17 May 2008 19:59:22 +0000 beesknees 51189@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Wow! How very cool.</p> <p>Curious, what does his family think about it? &nbsp;I took my husbands name, although I teased him he'd be taking mine. &nbsp;(i like my last name- not common and italian, his is quite american &quot;vanilla&quot;) &nbsp;My family was quite surprised I didn't move my last name to my middle- - it just didn't sound right.</p> <p>And I guess I'm a traditionalist at heart....who knew!&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51187 Sat, 17 May 2008 19:53:51 +0000 BaghdadBride 51187@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>looks nice...how do you pronounce it?</p> <p>Valees? ValISS?, Valish? Or something else? </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51185 Sat, 17 May 2008 19:41:09 +0000 KLHM 51185@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>FYI - changing your name is a total PAIN. &nbsp;I used the kit available on&nbsp;http://realgreenweddings.blogspot.com/ and it really helped. &nbsp;Good luck! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51181 Sat, 17 May 2008 19:21:33 +0000 lindsaywillman 51181@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>neat. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51175 Sat, 17 May 2008 18:55:01 +0000 may23bride 51175@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Congrats! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51172 Sat, 17 May 2008 18:40:30 +0000 beanchar 51172@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Very nice!</p> <p>For fun, I Googled it and came up with this:</p> <p>&quot;<strong><em>VALIS</em></strong> is a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1981" title="1981">1981</a> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Science_fiction" title="Science fiction">science fiction</a> novel by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_K._Dick" title="Philip K. Dick">Philip K. Dick</a>. The title is an acronym for <em>Vast Active Living Intelligence System&quot;</em></p> Pretty cool! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-completely-new-last-name-what-does-the-hive-think#post-51171 Sat, 17 May 2008 18:37:12 +0000 hwong14 51171@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>It's nice! </p>