http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: Dad as wedding planner? Help! en Mon, 23 Nov 2009 04:30:23 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dad-as-wedding-planner-help#post-95747 Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:54:10 +0000 carly7215 95747@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I have to agree with suzanno on this one.&nbsp;Your dad&nbsp;is using money to control you. Clearly, he sees this as his opportunity to create the day he envisions. I would suggest&nbsp;you politely and calmly have a conversation with him; but try and be firm and stand up for yourself. Like others have said, you need to be willing to sacrifice walking away from your dad's financial assistance. If not, there&nbsp;is not&nbsp;much you can do or say that will get him to stop his controlling behavior. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dad-as-wedding-planner-help#post-95746 Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:54:10 +0000 carly7215 95746@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I have to agree with suzanno on this one.&nbsp;Your dad&nbsp;is using money to control you. Clearly, he sees this as his opportunity to create the day he envisions. I would suggest&nbsp;you politely and calmly have a conversation with him; but try and be firm and stand up for yourself. Like others have said, you need to be willing to sacrifice walking away from your dad's financial assistance. If not, there&nbsp;is not&nbsp;much you can do or say that will get him to stop his controlling behavior. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dad-as-wedding-planner-help#post-95690 Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:10:32 +0000 rokianokia 95690@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I find humor to be best way to deal with my dad.&nbsp; Jokingly call him a Dadzilla.&nbsp; <img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_razz.gif" /> (Note: will not work with tears in your eyes or venom in your voice) </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dad-as-wedding-planner-help#post-95679 Tue, 02 Dec 2008 14:18:52 +0000 JodiCandyheart 95679@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>You need to give him your ideas or he will take over the entire wedding planning. This is your special day, make sure he knows that! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dad-as-wedding-planner-help#post-95676 Tue, 02 Dec 2008 14:09:42 +0000 Mandalynn 95676@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I agree with littlebear.&nbsp; At this point, it sounds as if your dad is throwing HIS party, not yours. I understand that since he is paying the bills he has some say, and there are certain things that he may put his foot down on that he has very adament feelings about but he should not have the final say in every single decision.&nbsp; Ultimately he offered to help pay for your wedding, not take over.&nbsp; </p> <p>&nbsp;You need to sit down with him and have a frank conversation and tell him that you know he means well, but with all of the recent decisions you don't really feel like it is your wedding anymore.&nbsp; Thank him for his generous gift, and ask him say for his top 3 things that are most important to him.&nbsp; Make sure to try to work with him to make those things happen.&nbsp; Also, I would try to show him examples of other weddings that had things incorporated that make it more your own--that, that is okay.</p> <p>If your dad is still not willing to just have input in decisions (and not the final say) you should decline the money.&nbsp; It's your wedding and money doesn't buy a happy day.&nbsp; Ultimately, if you use the money--and all of his ideas--your wedding won't feel like your own.&nbsp; Good luck! </p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dad-as-wedding-planner-help#post-95500 Mon, 01 Dec 2008 02:34:45 +0000 lagizzle 95500@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>when alot of parent's pay for a wedding, i think they see it as a gift for their child. it's sounds like you dad is giving youthe money then wanting to make all the decisions. you should tell him there are some things that are not exactly how yo uhad pictured and if you can compromise with each other, it would make it more your style. if he says no, then you should decline they money, if you don't get the wedding you want, you will blame it on your dad and it may cause problems between you guys in the future. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dad-as-wedding-planner-help#post-95486 Sun, 30 Nov 2008 23:20:32 +0000 suzanno 95486@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>The problem with your theory, LittleBear, is that it doesn't sound like Taye's dad has &quot;given her&quot; the money.&nbsp; If your dad&nbsp;has already written&nbsp;you a check for $15k (or whatever your budget) then you don't so much have to worry about his opinion on how you spend it.&nbsp; If what your dad is doing is paying the bills as you go along (paying the deposit to the caterer and the venue and the florist; typing in his credit card number on your order for the invitations) then he absolutely gets veto power, unless you are prepared to foot the bill for that item yourself.&nbsp; After all, he just has to refuse to pay!</p> <p>I agree with everyone who said you need to have a long talk with your dad, and in the end you have to be prepared to walk away from the money.&nbsp; Your dad is using his checkbook to control you - and I would bet this isn't the first time he has done it.&nbsp; And I totally understand, because my mom is the same way.&nbsp; When we decided to get married, we planned a very small wedding that we could afford (about $5k).&nbsp; Of course, she wanted something bigger and fancier.&nbsp; So we had the conversation up front, about how we would be really happy to accept her generous offer to pay, but honestly it had to be on our terms, as we know from the start that we have different ideas and different taste.&nbsp; And we had more than a few of those &quot;But that will look like crap!&quot; moments.&nbsp; But what I did, all the way through, was to write all my own checks, and hand her copies of the receipts.&nbsp; That way she could pay us back (as per her offer to pay for a certain percentage of the wedding) or not, as she chose.&nbsp; </p> <p>Your dad clearly sees this as his party (or he wouldn't be talking about &quot;his guests!&quot;) So you can try to reach a compromise position, where it's not just his party, but also your wedding.&nbsp; However, to get there, I think that you do need to be willing to walk away from the money, and throw the wedding you want on your own, to the best of your ability.&nbsp; For people who use money as control, nothing is as effective as the ability to turn it down, and nothing else will ultimately earn their respect.&nbsp; I wish you the best of luck, and a lot of strength, because I think you will need it.&nbsp; However, in the end I think you'll be glad you did it.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dad-as-wedding-planner-help#post-95479 Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:25:04 +0000 LittleBear 95479@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I, on the other head, do not think that just because someone is giving you money for a wedding means that they have the final say. It is YOU AND YOUR FIANCE'S wedding! Their money is a gift to you to make your special day a reality. When I give someone a gift card or cash for their birthday, I am telling them to use it in the way they want. I do not expect them to take me to the store with them to approve what they are going to buy or else I would have bought it for them myself! I always like when they do show me what they got though!</p> <p>At the same time, I do not think it is appropriate to just totally ignore or not work with the person who is giving you the money. I agree with the girl's advice above about bringing a 3rd party with you. You do need to talk to him about this as it is apparently been something you have been dealing with for a long time and should not have to. You may have a little blow up but those are usually the best times to get your feelings out about how this is not the way a father should make his daughter feel.</p> <p>Good luck and I really hope you get to have the wedding of your dreams, not just your father's dreams!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dad-as-wedding-planner-help#post-95452 Sun, 30 Nov 2008 14:21:45 +0000 kadeeQ 95452@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>wow i really feel for you also, but it sounds like the issue goes beyond wedding planning. if your dad has always been controlling then it sounds like its not going to be easy to sit down and discuss the whole entire wedding with him. maybe try to tackle one small issue at a time first to slowly soften him up and to avoid a big altercation before the wedding. good luck to you! make your wedding your own because they're your memories forever! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dad-as-wedding-planner-help#post-95451 Sun, 30 Nov 2008 13:53:51 +0000 jpaur 95451@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I do not envy your situation. Here's a phrase that may or may not work, but important to practice either way: &quot;Dad, I know you love me, and I know you would never do anything to hurt me or hurt my feelings. So I am sure that you will support me during this important time in my life.&quot;</p> <p>&nbsp;Good luck!</p> <p>&nbsp;</p>