Weddingbee Boards Topic: Decisions Not Good Enough...

Weddingbee Boards Topic: Decisions Not Good Enough... http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: Decisions Not Good Enough... en Tue, 14 Feb 2012 10:52:28 +0000 tbittles on "Decisions Not Good Enough..." http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/decisions-not-good-enough#post-95077 Tue, 25 Nov 2008 01:20:17 +0000 tbittles 95077@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ there should be a separate board for mom-related angst <img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_razz.gif" /> i went throught the same thing with my mom. i tried to include her (i took her to interviews with the florist, photogs, to see dresses) but we're exactly opposite in all our opinions. i expected this (as we have always had opposite tastes) but she so wanted to feel part of the process and to "help," so i did my best to bear with it. she criticized so many things and really didn't listen to what I wanted. she was always pressing for details, which always felt like nagging, and often pooh-pooh'd my decisions. i finally decided not to give her many more details. she said she was always asking because i didn't tell her anything. what can you do? in the end, i did what i wanted to do and she loved everything. so, if your mom's like mine, she'll be happy to see you married on your big day and that will make everything else that much better in her eyes. megan-bride on "Decisions Not Good Enough..." http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/decisions-not-good-enough#post-95027 Mon, 24 Nov 2008 12:43:00 +0000 megan-bride 95027@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ You'll find that everyone has an opinion when it comes to planning your wedding - even if you're the one paying for it. It drives me crazy, too, because I care a little too much what other people think, and I start doubting myself. I'm learning though... a simple, genuine, "thanks, that's a good idea" is my favorite response. Polite and more importantly, non-committal! :) Best of luck! suzanno on "Decisions Not Good Enough..." http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/decisions-not-good-enough#post-94985 Mon, 24 Nov 2008 08:36:22 +0000 suzanno 94985@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I wonder what your mom is normally like?  I mean, my mom was not hugely supportive of my wedding planning decisions, and it was pretty frustrating and occasionally hurtful.  But frankly, she's like that most of the time.  It wasn't a wedding thing in particular.  She could always be counted on to say "Are you really wearing that?" or "Your hair looked better when that other girl was doing it." or "You should take better care of yourself.  You look so run down." My sister and I used to joke about it.  And of course, we mostly didn't include our mom in our fashion decisions (for obvious reasons).  Then (for both of us) when we were wedding planning, we suddenly were calling and emailing her about all kinds of things.  In part we were trying to include her, and also we were just excited.  But seriously, it's crazy to expect your mom (or anyone) to behave much better than normal just because you're getting married.  If anything, the stress just associated with the change makes most of your family behave at least a little worse. So honestly, unless your mom has always been your biggest cheerleader and is only suddenly critical, I wouldn't worry about it, or even try too hard to change it.  Just chalk it up to normal family relations, and send your emails and share your ideas with a couple of good girlfriends, or your sister, or someone who can be excited and supportive.  And remember that your mom loves you even if she can't suddenly stop acting like herself, and start acting like your best friend. sphbride on "Decisions Not Good Enough..." http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/decisions-not-good-enough#post-94863 Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:02:26 +0000 sphbride 94863@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ My mom did this too.  She kept telling me that I shouldn't spend so much time & money planning my wedding.  I believed that it's a generation/cultural concept difference.  But I still couldn't help but got upset about it.  Plus the fact that my fiance (now husband) left all the work to me and couldn't care for anything wedding related ... it was not very motivating ... Btw, we were paying 100% of the wedding ourselves and I DIY a lot of things. amandopolis on "Decisions Not Good Enough..." http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/decisions-not-good-enough#post-94849 Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:00:50 +0000 amandopolis 94849@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ My FMIL does this.  For all kinds of decisions we make she will say "I know you said you were going to do x, but, if you changed your mind, here is what my suggestion would be."  It drives me nuts!!!  I feel your pain! AbbyM on "Decisions Not Good Enough..." http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/decisions-not-good-enough#post-94808 Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:01:16 +0000 AbbyM 94808@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Wow, I feel your pain on this but in a bit of a different way.  My Mom and I are fairly close - and she is open to letting me do what I'd like (within our budge, of course) for the wedding!  She has been pretty helpful so far since I'm getting married in my hometown (small, about 50,000 people) and not here in Chicago.  My issue is with my Dad.  He made a comment to my fiance once saying "thanks for making us go broke paying for your wedding."  My fiance kind of laughed at at, since he and my dad joke a lot.  But I was irate.  I called him the next morning and told him it really hurt my feelings and if they don't want to pay for anything, they don't have to.  He apologized, but now it doesn't seem like anything has changed.  My parents are paying for a litte over half of my wedding - basically my dress and the reception (all under 10K).  And my fiance and I are paying for the rest.  Now, with everything related to the wedding, my dad acts like he doesn't care or is always asking how much things cost then rolling his eyes.  I know the budget, I'm very good with money and very into the whole DIY, so I'd at least like some credit for not asking them to fork over tens of thousands of dollars.  Plus, I'm the baby girl and have 2 older brothers that got married in a big city and my parents only had to pay for the groom's dinner (which they still bitched about).  Ugh.  It is just disappointing and hurts.  <img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_sad.gif" />  Granted, he may be sad that he is 'losing' his only daughter, but what a crappy way to show it.  Wow, that made me feel much better!  Peony80 - I feel for you.  I hope she comes around and is more excited for you!! MissCamera on "Decisions Not Good Enough..." http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/decisions-not-good-enough#post-94799 Fri, 21 Nov 2008 08:49:43 +0000 MissCamera 94799@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Peony80- i can so relate to this post! My fiance and I are paying for our wedding ourselves and have set (what some would call) a tiny budget. My mom has these grand visions of what my wedding "should be" and when the day comes she thinks I'll be disappointed by my own decisions. (what?) Apparently she thinks I dont have much sense either. She thinks I need to have a huge ballroom wedding with a poofy dress. I've always wanted a simple outdoor ceremony and airy chiffon dress.  My mother and I also have completely different tastes so I dont understand why she thought I would like everything she picked out. She then gets upset when I tell her I dont like what she picked.. I dunno. Somehow I feel like we'll never win with our mothers. I did end up buyng the dress she liked, but so far thats about it. I feel bad because she's dreamed about my wedding longer than I have.. but I also want my wedding to reflect my fiance and I.. not her tastes The one thing that did go well was picking out centerpieces... We actually agreed on something! Maybe you should try that. Wolff2Be on "Decisions Not Good Enough..." http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/decisions-not-good-enough#post-94798 Fri, 21 Nov 2008 08:49:23 +0000 Wolff2Be 94798@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ This definitely sounds like its a touchy subject with your Mom.  I'd definitely agree about trying to get her to be more involved.  While I don't really share in your pain, I know I would be crushed if my Mom or my sisters hated or turned down my ideas.  One thing you have to remember is that these are YOUR choices and its YOUR wedding, I'm sure your Mom will eventually realize that and get over it.  I know my biggest struggle is that my Mom and Dad are paying for most of the wedding, when we disagree on an idea I feel guilty because they are footing the bill.  I'm sure it will all work out in the end, good luck and congrats on your engagement! <img src="/my-plugins/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/icon_smile.gif" /> peony80 on "Decisions Not Good Enough..." http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/decisions-not-good-enough#post-94782 Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:56:43 +0000 peony80 94782@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Hi ladies, Thank you so much for you thoughts on this issue.  I do think you all have a point about me not including my mom so much in all of the decision making.  I have my reasons.  (I did invite her to come wedding dress shopping with me once.  Unfortunately, my style and my mother's style are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum and I started feeling like nothing i chose was going to get that "approval")   But anyway, I will make more of an effort to help my mom feel included in the process!   Thanks again ladies!  Its great to get this kind of feedback from other brides.  :) linzella on "Decisions Not Good Enough..." http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/decisions-not-good-enough#post-94778 Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:53:27 +0000 linzella 94778@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Have you had an honest talk with your mom about how she's making you feel?  Weddings are big transitions for everyone, so you may be surprised to learn what your mom is feeling and thinking. Just an example...my dad was being pretty weird about everything wedding-related.  Anytime I brought up the wedding, he'd get almost cold and detatched.  After putting it off as long as possible, I finally talked to him about it.  I was shocked to learn all the concerns and worries my dad had.  Turns out, it was pretty tough on him that his "baby girl" was getting married, so talking things out really helped.  Good luck!!!