http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: FIL's just "dropping by" ...really?? en Mon, 23 Nov 2009 05:05:45 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fils-just-dropping-by-really#post-249870 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 13:08:48 +0000 DaisyBride 249870@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Is it possible that your FH knows when his dad is going to stop by but just forgets to tell you?&nbsp; You said that he mainly does it when he is doing work on the house.&nbsp; I'm guessing someone had to tell his Dad that there was a problem to begin with and that you needed help fixing it.&nbsp; I feel like whenever my family has come over to help us with house stuff, we kind of expected it because we knew that we had asked for their help.&nbsp; </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fils-just-dropping-by-really#post-249857 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:57:55 +0000 MerryC 249857@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>All of my husband's family live within about a mile of us.&nbsp; But there has always been a 'call before you come over' understanding anytime we/they need to drop by.&nbsp; I think it's a pretty easy courtesy to maintain.</p> <p>Like others have said, maybe just have your fi have a conversation with his folks, nothing to long or involved is necessary, just something along the lines of being newlyweds and wanting some more privacy. The sooner you set boundaries with family, the easier it becomes to maintain down the road.&nbsp; If you let things go on too long, it will drive you nuts, and let them think it's ok! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fils-just-dropping-by-really#post-249651 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 10:19:08 +0000 papples 249651@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Hopefully once you are both officially married, they will have some reservations about just &quot;popping&quot; in.&nbsp; It's too bad that's currently the situation b/c I don't think that anyone should just pop in unannounced. I'm sure your FI will get sick of it eventually esp once you are both married and do &quot;married&quot; things.. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fils-just-dropping-by-really#post-249342 Sun, 05 Jul 2009 21:25:32 +0000 cupcake 249342@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I've never been a &quot;just drop by&quot; kind of person, so this would bother me, too. My parents live nearby but always call first, and Mr. C's parents live a few hours away so we have never run into this sort of problem. Maybe you can just chalk it up to never being a &quot;just drop by&quot; kind of person growing up, and your fi can explain it to his parents this way?&nbsp; </p> <p>Also they need to understand that sometimes you two just want to be alone -- it sounds like you have just recently moved in together, and will soon be newlyweds, so just having your fi tell them that you're in that adjustment phase where everything is new and you need your alone time with no surprises is important to the transition... hopefully that will give them the hint :-)</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fils-just-dropping-by-really#post-249337 Sun, 05 Jul 2009 21:22:58 +0000 Jenniphyr 249337@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I would start locking my door. Maybe try talking with them first, but don't unlock the door unless you want them to come in, basically.</p> <p>Whoops, didn't realise that they had keys. My bad.</p> <p>In that case...yeah. Talk to them -- warn them that they might walk in on you guys, if it comes down to it!</p> <p>(But that is really annoying that they would just &quot;drop by&quot; like that.)&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fils-just-dropping-by-really#post-249328 Sun, 05 Jul 2009 21:13:47 +0000 monalisa670 249328@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>They have had the keys for years, and I definitely have no say in that. They also just told my fi to make me a copy of their keys so I can drop by any time too, whether they are home or not, use their pool, etc. They are great so it's not about that and I really don't want to offend them at all. FMIL actually usually really does respect boundaries and never stops by without calling- its more FFIL because he's always helping out around the house, etc. I can see how it wasn't a big deal when my fi was alone but I definitely need to talk to him (fi) about talking to them about it. It's really annoying! I'm going to bring it up with him this week, and maybe in our premarital therapy :) I think it's an important issue! Thanks for all your advice... haha, yes kind of like everybody loves raymond, except they are a lot nicer in-laws!&nbsp; </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fils-just-dropping-by-really#post-249248 Sun, 05 Jul 2009 19:02:23 +0000 august15bride 249248@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Haha. I immediately thought of the &quot;Everybody Loves Raymond&quot; similarity. :) My parents live about the same distance from my sister and my parents always have a rule that they will call before they come over. But it's still too close to me. We love our hour buffer zone! :) </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fils-just-dropping-by-really#post-249225 Sun, 05 Jul 2009 18:38:43 +0000 moderndaisy 249225@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Your FI needs to say something to his family about respecting your boundaries. Also, how is anyone even able to get into your house without you letting them in? You should not let them have a set of keys if you can't trust them to stay out in non-emergency situations. Change your locks and have your FI talk to them at the same time saying that you two love living so close, but need space and privacy as a newly married/engaged couple. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fils-just-dropping-by-really#post-249201 Sun, 05 Jul 2009 18:12:54 +0000 mountain.bride 249201@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I would hate this too. If you already gave them keys I guess you can't really ask for them back, but I think you'd be well within your rights to ask them to call you first. If they refuse to do that, you could refuse to open the door if you aren't expecting guests (which is perfectly fine, lots of people do that). Your fi needs to deal with it mostly since they are his parents, but you'll just have to back each other up :) We lived next door to FMIL for 6 weeks once and she didn't drop in all that often but I still didn't like it much, so I don't blame you at all. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fils-just-dropping-by-really#post-249189 Sun, 05 Jul 2009 18:01:04 +0000 eloping 249189@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>heheheheh .4 miles away you say - oh the luxury... my inlaws live immediately behind our house (and they took a panel out of the fence seperating us) and they have a key to our house </p> <p>BUT</p> <p>we also have rules - they dont drop over unless its something important or they phone first and&nbsp;they never ever come into the house without ringing the doorbell.&nbsp;my hubby is the one that pushed these points from day 1 because i wasnt going to have them wander in anytime they wanted</p> <p>at the beginning, if they did just drop over hubby would be firm and say stuff like 'dad/mum, we are doing just the 2 of us stuff today - we need this time because we work so much during the week so i'll call you later' </p> <p>as far as dropping over during sex - be louder next time!!!&nbsp; if that doesnt give dad the hint to get the heck out i dont know what will :)</p> <p>goodluck! </p>