http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: I can't deal with this. Need advice and support. en Mon, 23 Nov 2009 06:02:24 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-cant-deal-with-this-need-advice-and-support#post-248634 Sat, 04 Jul 2009 11:56:31 +0000 Jenniphyr 248634@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Oh, honey. *HUGS* First of all, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. =( And I TOTALLY understand why you wouldn't want to go to such a shower -- personally, I am&nbsp;marveling&nbsp;at your strength of character, because you don't seem an ounce bitter. *more HUGS*</p> <p>I would say that OF COURSE you can tactfully bow out of this. Express to your boss the honest truth -- you're still recovering emotionally, and you think that the &quot;baby&quot; part of the shower might be a bit much for you. S/he will understand.&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-cant-deal-with-this-need-advice-and-support#post-248624 Sat, 04 Jul 2009 11:23:39 +0000 alundberg 248624@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Wow, that sounds like a horrible situation, and I am so sorry for your loss last year. I would say.... do whatever is going to be best for you. By no means should you have to put on the &quot;happy face&quot; and go celebrate if it will be at all weird for you. If you decide you want to celebrate with her and be apart of her shower, then do so. But don't feel obligated - do what's best for you! Love idea of a spa day!! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-cant-deal-with-this-need-advice-and-support#post-248419 Fri, 03 Jul 2009 22:03:29 +0000 stina 248419@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I have to agree that a day at the spa would probably a better place for you that day.&nbsp; My best friend miscarried about 2 years ago at around 12 weeks as well.&nbsp; She now has a fabulous 10 week old son.&nbsp; They tried to get pregnant for 5 years, so she was VERY upset when it happened.&nbsp; Now that she has her son, I know she still thinks about it, but it is much less painful.&nbsp; To point out how it is something that stays with you- my mom had a suprise child (she thought she was going through <em>the change, </em>then figured it out when she was 5 months along)<em> </em>at the same time her boss had a miscarriage.&nbsp; For major life events for my brother for about the first 10 years or so, her boss would make little comments.&nbsp; It just sucks.&nbsp; No matter what.&nbsp;&nbsp; ((hugs)) </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-cant-deal-with-this-need-advice-and-support#post-247593 Thu, 02 Jul 2009 18:38:15 +0000 azwinelover 247593@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and the pain you're experiencing.<br /> Echoing the advice of previous posters, speak to your boss privately to briefly explain that, as much as you appreciate the gesture, you just aren't ready to handle something like this. Take that day off work for a little "me time"--go for a spa day, or go do something outside and enjoy the beautiful weather you have up in Flagstaff this time of year (greetings from the sweltering Phoenix area!). But, I do second Mrs. Spring's recommendation to talk to your pregnant co-worker about why you're not going to be at work on shower day--I'm sure she'll understand. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-cant-deal-with-this-need-advice-and-support#post-247584 Thu, 02 Jul 2009 18:30:36 +0000 Tanya123 247584@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I'm sorry for your loss.&nbsp; I agree you shouldn't have to be there.&nbsp; I like Belle's idea of talking to your boss in private.&nbsp; I have a feeling either way, people will understand why you aren't there.&nbsp; But at least your boss will know you are simply trying to deal, not being angry or anything.</p> <p>Also, I kind of wonder if your boss was trying to plan them together as a way deflecting some of the baby attention off of your coworker.&nbsp; I think she could have been trying keep it less of a baby moment, thinking that if it was a full baby shower, you would feel worse.&nbsp; (Rather than have dual shower, hoping you both could simply be happy celebrating your individual milestones.)</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-cant-deal-with-this-need-advice-and-support#post-247570 Thu, 02 Jul 2009 18:15:43 +0000 bellenga 247570@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Oh that is hard.&nbsp; I'd talk to your boss privately and share your feelings but also express that you wish to attend her shower, but not have a JOINT shower due to the pain it might make you relive. </p> <p>My sister miscarried a few months when I was&nbsp; further into my pregnancy with my son.&nbsp; She would have delivered a month or so after me, and at my baby shower, I knew it was hurting her so I hugged her and talked to her off to the side away from all attending.&nbsp; She was hurting, and I wish there had&nbsp;&nbsp;been more I could do.&nbsp;&nbsp;But there IS A SILVER LINING to this...three months later she became pregnant..and my nephew J is one of&nbsp;my son's bff.&nbsp; &nbsp;He's adorable btw.&nbsp; </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-cant-deal-with-this-need-advice-and-support#post-247550 Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:51:34 +0000 MissMelissaB 247550@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I don't think that your boss meant to hurt you. &nbsp;I have a feeling he/she was trying to include you as well as celebrate for your wedding. &nbsp;It sounds like this time is going to be hard enough as it is, you don't need to be reminded of your mc as well.</p> <p>Could you possibly set some time aside to talk to your boss about this? &nbsp;I have a feeling that your boss meant the best, but somehow didn't really think this through.</p> <p>Best of luck to you!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-cant-deal-with-this-need-advice-and-support#post-247545 Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:44:32 +0000 Aimeegirl 247545@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Wow, this puts you in a very unique and uncomfortable situation...which makes it hard for some of us to really put ourselves in your shoes and tell you that we &quot;know how you feel&quot; .. but all I can say is.. go with your heart on this one. Everyone has made good points but all in all, it comes down to what feels right for you. </p> <p>I'm very sorry for your loss and it must be hard to try and think positive and be happy to have this up and coming wedding.. but Best of luck to you and all of us bees are in your corner!!</p> <p>xoxo,</p> <p>Aimee </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-cant-deal-with-this-need-advice-and-support#post-245865 Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:05:17 +0000 northernazbride 245865@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Thank you so much ladies! I really appreciate your support. I keep going back and forth over the issue, that's why I decided to post about it. It's sort of therapeutic for me. I agree with you sept27bride that it could be a fun celebration! On the other hand, I could wind up bawling my eyes out in the car when it's all over. I just don't know... </p> <p>amandopolis- I'm so happy for you that things are progressing so well! Thank you for sharing your experience with me, it makes me feel a little less alone. We plan on waiting about a year and then trying again!&nbsp; </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-cant-deal-with-this-need-advice-and-support#post-245845 Wed, 01 Jul 2009 12:54:00 +0000 September27Bride 245845@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I am so sorry about your loss as well! I think that you definitely need to do what you feel comfortable doing! </p> <p>Look at it this way though- This is a HUGE celebration in your life, as well as hers, let&nbsp;your co-workers&nbsp;spoil you both for the day! Since they aren't invited to the wedding, they can still feel like part of your celebration. You deserve to share that attention with her, even if it is for different reason. Like others have said, it is really hard to get over a MC, but there is a good chance for the future! It is, essentially, YOUR choice, so don't let anyone make you feel like you have to do this! Just know&nbsp;that if you do, it may be very rewarding for you! Keep your head up, and just do what feels right with you!&nbsp;Congratulations on getting married as well! </p>