Weddingbee Boards Topic: Including your children in your vows?

Weddingbee Boards Topic: Including your children in your vows? http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: Including your children in your vows? en Tue, 14 Feb 2012 08:57:49 +0000 msveggie on "Including your children in your vows?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/including-your-children-in-your-vows#post-972871 Sun, 16 May 2010 20:19:18 +0000 msveggie 972871@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ My sisters (steps and biological) and I were 5,4,4, and 3 when my mom and stepdad got married. We were all flowergirls. I remember being relaly excited about wearing a dress and little white gloves, and getting to stay up late. Other than that, I can't say I really remember much else. Although, 4 is pretty young I guess. I suppose my point is that the vows to a young child might mean more for you and your partner and other family members than they do to the child. The child will probably be more excited about other parts of the wedding, things that aren't as important emotionally to you and your partner. So maybe find some kid-friendly ways to make their day special too. 2dBride on "Including your children in your vows?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/including-your-children-in-your-vows#post-972776 Sun, 16 May 2010 19:33:21 +0000 2dBride 972776@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I have two adult children (ages 28 and 26).  They love NotFroofy, and were happy to be our maid of honor and dude of honor.  However, I would never have included them in the vows.  They have two perfectly good parents, and don't really have need of more at their ages. bellenga on "Including your children in your vows?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/including-your-children-in-your-vows#post-970612 Sat, 15 May 2010 09:18:01 +0000 bellenga 970612@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I have seen the sand ceremony for summer or beach weddings, and while usually it's the couple who pours the sand, mixing two colors of sand together, you can do even more colors and have the kids pour colored sand into the vase! I love that idea! simple on "Including your children in your vows?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/including-your-children-in-your-vows#post-970497 Sat, 15 May 2010 07:32:17 +0000 simple 970497@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I really like all the posts here...During the reception we want to do a "family" dance..his children are 6 and 8 and we really want them to be part of the wedding..trying to find a song to dance to...any suggestions? 91011Bride on "Including your children in your vows?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/including-your-children-in-your-vows#post-498177 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:48:51 +0000 91011Bride 498177@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ @daniellemybelle - I see your point; however, I have a different experience.  Although their marriage failed, my stepfather has remained an important figure in our lives.  He made it a point to remain in our lives and my mother agreed with that.  They both wanted us to know that the bond to the children was forever, even if the marriage failed.  I know in my case, Mister and I have already agreed to never, EVER keep the children away from the other, especially in the event of a divorce, which isn't an option for us, given this is an encore for both of us.  We look at things a little differently as far as "step" children go.  They are not my "step" children.  They are MY CHILDREN and just like my ex-husband and I have maintained the relationship with the children, the same will happen if anything ever caused me and Mister to get a divorce.  So, I see your point and I know it does happen where the "step" parent disappears off the face of the planet.  But in our case, we're coming together as one family, NOT just husband and wife.  So, even if the husband and wife part ends, we'll all remain a family, no matter what.  I've seen it done in my own family many many times.  I'm still close with my dad's ex wife and my siblings (not biological) from that marriage and I call them my brothers not my "step" brothers.   To each its own and I know every situation is different, but for my family and his; children are very important and once you become part of the family you are part of the family for LIFE, even if the marriage ends.  You're still family.  I'm so sad you had a bad experience.  daniellemybelle on "Including your children in your vows?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/including-your-children-in-your-vows#post-498124 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:32:33 +0000 daniellemybelle 498124@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I am going to offer a different perspective on this, simply for your consideration. I am not at all saying that these expressions of love and commitment to stepchildren are not beautiful or honorable, because they are, and if its right for you, I think including in your ceremony is wonderful. Having said that - my parents divorced and my father remarried. In the ceremony, they had vows to my brother and I, and my stepmother presented me with a family medallion. I was 13 and it was very important to me.  However, their marriage didn't work out and my stepmother was no longer a part of my life, breaking her vow. I learned a sad lesson that promises are sometimes broken, even when you had nothing to do with it. So from that point of view, I feel that a marriage is a commitment between a couple, not to children. That way, if the marriage doesn't work out - God forbid - the child understands that the bonds between the husband and wife are breaking, but it has nothing to do with the children. Just thought I would share my experience, I hope it provides a different perspective that could help some of you. Shaema on "Including your children in your vows?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/including-your-children-in-your-vows#post-497245 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:35:07 +0000 Shaema 497245@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ My FI had a ring designed just for my daughter with her birthstone in it that he will give her during the ceremony.  Not sure if he's going to say any vows....I'm going to leave it up to him what he wants to do.  He also 'proposed' to her the week after he asked me (she was visiting her dad so she didn't know we were engaged yet).  <a href="http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2009/08/the-cutest-proposal-ever-you-g.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2009/08/the-cutest-proposal-ever-you-g.html</a>     91011Bride on "Including your children in your vows?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/including-your-children-in-your-vows#post-497209 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:25:57 +0000 91011Bride 497209@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ This is something I want to totally do with the kids.  Problem... I have very very bashful children.  I can imagine them not saying a word or in the case of my son, breaking down all the way to the ground and hiding his face.  Or even some tears from my oldest daughter.  If anyone has ideas on incorporating children in the vow portion of the wedding... specifically something for shy children.  I'd love to hear your ideas.  offbeat bride on "Including your children in your vows?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/including-your-children-in-your-vows#post-493962 Sun, 22 Nov 2009 14:11:10 +0000 offbeat bride 493962@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ i am going to have my daughter walk me down the aisle, his be a flower girl, and vows for all of us and a unity candle.  i think............   jessieblum on "Including your children in your vows?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/including-your-children-in-your-vows#post-456796 Sun, 08 Nov 2009 18:43:26 +0000 jessieblum 456796@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I think, when including kids, it very much has to do with HOW they want to be involved, too.  When my parents got married (ten years ago yesterday!), I walked my mom down the aisle, and my stepsisters, stepbrother, and I formed the wedding party, and my stepbrother held the ring, but other than that (and giving toasts at the reception), that was the extent of our involvement, and the way we wanted it (we ranged in age from 10 to 17 at the time).  It was also a fairly traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, so there wasn't much room for personalization. Another idea which may work for older kids (may not be good for you, Elizabeth), is to include them in the signing of a marriage contract or a ketubah.  My parents weren't very happy with the ketubah (Jewish marriage contract) that their rabbi gave them on the day of their wedding, so for their tenth anniversary, I worked with a friend of mine to design one.  Traditionally, the bride and groom and rabbi sign it - but we had my parents, me, and my stepsiblings sign it, and it was a really sweet thing to do to show that we are a family. Bellenga, of course!  Feel free to use, steal, borrow, and adapt.  They're some of my favorite vows.  And thank you so much!