http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: Kick a bridesmaid out of wedding party? en Tue, 14 Feb 2012 15:52:25 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/kick-a-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding-party#post-499410 Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:38:53 +0000 hellohellohello 499410@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>It sounds to me like you are more concerned about the fact that your friendship has waned and that you guys have these separate lives.&nbsp; It also sounds like you were hoping that your wedding would be a way for you two to get closer again but are disappointed that that hasnt' been the case.&nbsp; I wouldn't kick her out of the wedding unless you are ready to end the friendship, because that is more than likely what will happen.</p> <p>Also, she doesn't have to fly up to get measured, she can just call and tell them their measurements.&nbsp; She can order the dress and have it sent to her, and take it to a seamstress of her choosing in her home town.&nbsp; So, ordering the dress doesn't have to be such a huge expensive deal.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/kick-a-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding-party#post-499037 Tue, 24 Nov 2009 06:06:24 +0000 Soon2beeMrsM 499037@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I guess there is just more going on than I can convey via the internet which is why I feel like I'm being attacked. No I don't expect a bridesmaid to do everything for me and help plan etc but I do expect a bm to at least act happy for me which is something she has yet to do. Also it's not as simple as her just ordering a dress, she needs to fly up to get measured, order the dress, then come up for final fitting/alterations. I made all of this perfectly clear to her and she was supposed to at least get measured when she came up last week (so she wouldn't have to make another trip) but she didn't do that. Also everyone keeps saying it's so far away, maybe it is but for personal reasons I need things to be done ahead of time and she knows this. Also I have included her in emails etc, I have gotten no response.</p> <p>I've tried to include her in not just the wedding but my life and be involved in hers and she clearly doesn't make any effort. I guess we'll just see what happens. But I just wanted everyone to know it's more than the wedding that is our problem.</p> <p>Thanks for the help.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/kick-a-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding-party#post-497779 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:13:15 +0000 Mermaid1082 497779@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>June is a long time away.&nbsp; Tell her what dress to order and when she needs to.&nbsp; Tell her when the showers and b-party are.&nbsp; Include her with emails with other maids.&nbsp; As long as she shows up in the right dress for the wedding with a smile on her face, she's done her job.&nbsp; Not every maid wants or needs to know your wedding details, that is an unfair expectation.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/kick-a-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding-party#post-497551 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:56:07 +0000 JoonBee 497551@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I agree with the pps.. It sounds to me you are a bit harsh on her.&nbsp; You still have quite a bit of time for any BMs to do anything for you at this point.&nbsp; I also think that you are supposed to ask someone to be your bridesmaid because you are close to her and want her to stand next to you when you say your vows. That's really the main thing.&nbsp; It's not about whether they are willing to help or not or how much help they'll offer.&nbsp; I don't really see anything that she's done wrong; except maybe being a flake about returning phone calls, but then again, you stlil have plenty of time and she's in no hurry to call you right back.&nbsp; My BMs don't know all of my plans, and I am doing fine.&nbsp;</p> <p>Also as other pps have said, you already asked her to be your BM, and she seems pretty excited to be one.&nbsp; I don't think she deserves to be kicked out of the bridal party unless she's done something horribly wrong.&nbsp;</p> <p>Perhaps talk to her and tell her your expectations from her as a BM so she can better meet them.&nbsp; I am guessing she has no idea how you feel and think things are just peachy.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/kick-a-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding-party#post-497450 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:30:48 +0000 Kittyachi 497450@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Keep in mind you still have a lot of time until your wedding. Not everyone is wedding-obsessed. I have girlfriends who want to know every detail and girlfriends who don't give a s**t about any of the wedding details except that they are invited and there is an open bar. Don't let it get to you. It doesn't sound like she's done anything extreme except for not be overly interested in the planning process, but getting involved in the planning&nbsp;details isn't really&nbsp;the job&nbsp;of a BM. Would it be nice for you if she was more excited/involved? Sure. But I don't really think she's done anything to warrant getting the boot. It's a very serious, friendship-ending decision to kick someone out.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/kick-a-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding-party#post-497437 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:28:49 +0000 91011Bride 497437@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I think you should communicate your feelings to her.&nbsp; Maybe try to take a trip to where she's living or set aside some time for you too to talk, not just about the wedding.&nbsp; It seems like more than the wedding is going on here.&nbsp; Communication is key in any relationship.&nbsp; If you just keep her as a bridesmaid because it is the "right" thing to do; you'll only resent her more and blow up on her at some point.&nbsp; Talk to her now about your feelings.&nbsp; I'm sure she has no clue that you take her behavior as insensitive and selfish.&nbsp; You're entitled to feel the way you do; but the only mature thing is to communicate with her about these feelings instead of assuming things about her.&nbsp; Good luck.&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/kick-a-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding-party#post-497415 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:22:21 +0000 Soon2beeMrsM 497415@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I did try to call her and tell her about the engagement, I never got a call back, also I couldn't call everyone of my friends/family so I posted a facebook message. I have tried to call her and she never returns my calls.</p> <p>I don't expect her to be as happy as I am about my wedding but all my other bridesmaids are excited and helping me with ideas etc and I can't even get this girl to call me back about looking on the website for bridesmaids dresses.</p> <p>When I mention her not calling me back she says "I'm busy" well yes I understand you have a life, I'm busy too but at least call me back at some point.</p> <p>I guess I'll wait it out and see how things pan out. I know the BM dresses need to be ordered by mid June at the latest, if she doesn't step up by then (getting fitted I mean), I guess she won't be in it because she won't have anything to wear.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/kick-a-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding-party#post-497392 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:16:40 +0000 Tanya123 497392@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Yeah, I have to agree with the pps.&nbsp; Sure she shouldn't have assumed she'd be asked.&nbsp; And it probably took you off guard.&nbsp; But admitting that you haven't seen her in a while, you still asked her.&nbsp; So I kind of think you're stuck.&nbsp; Also since it sounds like she's OOT and not home that often, maybe she really felt like she was trying to visit as many people as she can while she's home.&nbsp; I can totally relate to that.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>Also, I don't think that she needs to be required to look though your entire wedding planning album.&nbsp; (Especially if she is in town for a limited time.)&nbsp; And under the circumstances in which you asked her (not feeling that close to her anymore)&nbsp; I would try to just allow her to help out in ways she feels she can, if she can, or wants to.&nbsp; You know let your BMs know what your going to be doing, and just to let you know if they're interested.&nbsp; Otherwise, just stick to the basics with her.&nbsp; (Getting measured for her dress, paying for it, buying accessories etc.)</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/kick-a-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding-party#post-497273 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:42:16 +0000 Miss Chapstick 497273@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>There really isn't a "nice" way of telling someone you don't want them in your wedding party anymore. In fact, I'm a huge advocate of once you ask someone, you have to hold up your end of the deal unless something major happens.</p> <p>Honestly it doesn't sound like this BM is doing anything wrong. Keep in mind that wedding party members don't necessarily have to help you plan the wedding. They need to get their outfits, show up for wedding-related events and be there on the wedding day. That's really it. Throwing parties, listening to all your plans and helping out is really icing on the cake.</p> <p>Just to put things in perspective, we had&nbsp; to ask a groomsman to step down. It was awful, but the situation was extreme. He did a complete 180 after he accepted our invitation to be in the wedding party. He started spreading really awful rumors about us to family members, tried to get people to boycott our wedding, etc. And it all came out of nowhere. The relationship was already ruined, so much so that my husband couldn't even look at him without feeling completely sad, and we knew&nbsp;the relationship was beyond repair,&nbsp;so we all mutually decided he should step-down from the wedding party. It was awful.</p> <p>So that is a good reason to kick someone out. I would wait and give your BM a few more chances. If she goes crazy, consider asking her to step down. If her only crime is disinterest (which is more common that you know), well then, let her stay :)</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/kick-a-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding-party#post-497247 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:35:18 +0000 Mermaid1082 497247@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Your wedding is not going to be as important to her as it is to you.&nbsp; Don't expect her to fawn all over it, that's unrealistic.</p> <p>if you're prepared to end the friendship over a lack of enthusasm and a poorly timed f-bomb, that is what you're effectively doing by kicking her out of the party,</p>