http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: no father at the wedding - Please advice en Mon, 23 Nov 2009 06:33:00 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-father-at-the-wedding-please-advice#post-287749 Mon, 03 Aug 2009 18:12:34 +0000 poodle 287749@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Thank you so much for all the kind replies!!</p> <p>I actually wanted to take a moment and thank all of you guys because I'm still amazed of how supporting and awesome the WeddingBee community is! I feel really blessed by the chance to share my entire wedding planning journey with all of you guys. and even share the things I would never thought of sharing - like this kind of topics, and the great thing is that instead of keeping all this to myself and hide what makes me sad, I can share it and actually find brides that have going trough similar situations, feel a deep connection to the issue, or just want to cheer up the other bees! (That's one of the things that make this community soo awesome)</p> <p>So thank you!! (To all of you that get to read this) I think in kind of emotional this days lol</p> <p>ladybuglove &amp; wildstyle - you guys almost tear me up!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-father-at-the-wedding-please-advice#post-285262 Fri, 31 Jul 2009 21:22:10 +0000 wildstyle 285262@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Big BIG hugs for you.&nbsp; Our parents don't always do right by us, even though it is their job and responsibility.&nbsp;</p> <p>I come from a very abusive family and my mother is still alive she's not in my life and won't be at my wedding.&nbsp;It hurts for sure but it would hurt so much worse to have her in my life.</p> <p>It is Jewish tradition to walk down the aisle with both parents, so if your mom walked you down the aisle&nbsp;that would actually not seem strange to me.&nbsp; Anyway, you can and should do whatever feels most comfortable to you and makes you happy.</p> <p>A family does not have to be your parents and we don't all have the same, identical family.&nbsp; And those at your wedding will not judge you - they love you.&nbsp;Plenty of us have situations that don't fit the "mold" and its&nbsp;too bad that&nbsp;tradition can backfire in a sense and make those of us who can't participate in traditions feel as if we are missing&nbsp;something somehow. &nbsp;I feel your pain and I do understand how this is bringing up a lot of sadness for you. It sounds though like there are so many people that love and care for you and will step in to the role of your father.&nbsp;</p> <p>As for me, my&nbsp;male best friend will be walking me down the aisle.&nbsp; He's very excited.&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-father-at-the-wedding-please-advice#post-273006 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 02:36:51 +0000 ladybuglove 273006@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>awww....i'm sorry to hear about this ms. poodle:-( here's to lots of hugs your way:-) i am not in your position, but i feel your pain. because, at the end of the day, he is your father and you had expectations of him...and you had every right to have them. i don't know what happened, but it sounds terrible...whatever he did. just remember that parents are people too and don't always behave the way we expect them to.as long as you are safe and protected, then that's what matters.</p> <p>have you considered walking together with mr. poodle? if not, then it's perfectly ok to walk down the aisle with your mom. or by yourself. this is your wedding. do whatever is going to make you feel good. don't worry what other people will think or say. of course, we don't live in a perfect world, so people may wonder about your dad. it's not anyone's business, but maybe you could get mr. poodle or someone else to make a note ahead of time to the family/friends that your dad will not be there. you don't even have to give a reason. people might just assume it's because of visa problems. no matter what people think, don't let it get you down. </p> <p>just remember that all things happen for a reason, sometimes the reasons are not clear right away. just be happy that you and mr. poodle found each other and will soon be celebrating your love together with friends and family who love and care for you. there is a saying that goes, &quot;blood is thicker than water.&quot; i don't believe this. mr. ladybuglove and i are not related by blood (ewww!), but he is the most important person to me. sometimes your family is not the one you were born into. sometimes you have to create it. you seem like a lovely person with many, many, many talents and i wish you lots of joy and love and happiness. a spiritual teacher once told me, &quot;do everything with love and let go of the results.&quot; i love that saying and try to live my life that way. (notice i said try:-)</p> <p>more hugs your way.................</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-father-at-the-wedding-please-advice#post-269642 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 09:03:06 +0000 gamblina 269642@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>there are so many creative things you can do these days. my father is alive, but i don't have a relationship with him, so i am walking myself down the aisle too. i am really close to my mom, so instead of a father-daughter dance we are having a &quot;mom's&quot; dance. my fh will dance with his mother, and i'll dance with mine, then we'll switch half-way through. i picked a song that is meaningful to my mom and i, it's &quot;what a wonderful world&quot;, and it will be a suprise:)</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-father-at-the-wedding-please-advice#post-269634 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 08:57:10 +0000 kjpugs 269634@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Miss Poodle- don't worry yourself even a BIT about what people think. Do what is right for you and honors those who have been father FIGURES to you when you father was not or could not.</p> <p>&nbsp;My dad passed away in 2004 and my uncle will walk me down the aisle (his brother and my godfather.) Not sure what I'm doing about the dance and stuff though. I'm glad to hear that others are in similar situations.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-father-at-the-wedding-please-advice#post-269576 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 07:48:05 +0000 knapper08 269576@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I am sorry for your situation. My 10 year old nephew is walking me down the aisle...my father will be at the wedding, but he is not deserving of such a role. Props to you for walking down by yourself! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-father-at-the-wedding-please-advice#post-269475 Tue, 21 Jul 2009 01:11:22 +0000 poodle 269475@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Thank you so much girls, I've been thinking a lot about this and yup I think I'm going to walk down by myself. I feel more and more comfortable about that each day :)</p> <p>Thank you for all the great advice :) </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-father-at-the-wedding-please-advice#post-257978 Mon, 13 Jul 2009 13:44:09 +0000 Jessie516 257978@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're dealing with a difficult situation.&nbsp; I agree that you should do whatever you feel most comfortable with.&nbsp; I don't have a relationship with my father, and I didn't want to change that situation just because I was getting married.&nbsp; I didn't invite him (haven't spoken to him in 5+ years), which was a decision my mom didn't agree with, but I definitely made the right choice for me. Involving him just because &quot;tradition&quot; dictates it would have ruined the day for me. </p> <p>I had my brother walk me down the aisle and it was great.&nbsp; He was the perfect person to have with me, because he made me laugh.&nbsp; Although my husband danced with his mom, I didn't do a 'father-daughter&quot; dance.&nbsp; Honestly, not one person mentioned the lack of my dad's presence to me, even my husband's family who doesn't know anything about my family situation.&nbsp; I think you should do whatever you think will make you happiest/most comfortable.&nbsp; It's your day! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-father-at-the-wedding-please-advice#post-257807 Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:32:03 +0000 TiMonica 257807@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I feel ya'lls pain. I grew up without my father. I guess he just did not want to be part of my life but luckily i had the love and support from the rest of my family. I'm also having my grandpa walk me down the aisle. He's been the father figure&nbsp; in my life from day one.I'd say also do what feels right. i think my second option would've been my mom or aunt even. Good Luck and God Bless </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-father-at-the-wedding-please-advice#post-250572 Tue, 07 Jul 2009 00:41:31 +0000 mouse 250572@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Joylucero--You should do whatever you feel would be right for you.&nbsp; If having your mom walk you down the aisle feels right to you, do it.&nbsp; There are no rules that say you can only have your mom walk you down the aisle if your dad has passed away.&nbsp; The people who are closest to you will know the situation, and the ones who don't may assume things, but you can't help that.&nbsp; Good luck! </p>