Weddingbee Boards Topic: Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?

Weddingbee Boards Topic: Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings? http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings? en Sat, 07 Nov 2009 22:27:41 +0000 suzanno on "Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/opinions-please-what-do-you-think-of-destination-weddings/page/2#post-43060 Sat, 19 Apr 2008 20:43:31 +0000 suzanno 43060@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I think you just have to remember that people who have to travel a significant distance and lay out a significant amount of money to go to a wedding are likely to make the effort if they are immediate family, close friends, or you have managed to choose a convenient time of year and a place they would like to visit.  My sister's wedding was a destination wedding for most of our family (although not for her), in Santa Fe the weekend after Thanksgiving.  Because most of our cousins are a little older than we are, so that their kids are old enough to be left at home, and also because they mostly farm, and so don't have a lot going on that time of year, they were quite happy to fly to Santa Fe.  I think that she would have gotten a much smaller crowd in Hawaii - because they've all already been to Hawaii.  They hadn't been to Santa Fe. Like Anti-Zilla, it just wasn't an option for us to have a DW and have family able to be there.  We would have loved to get married at Timberline Lodge (at Mt. Hood) and actually talked a lot about it.  But at the time FI's dad was also in a wheelchair, and his health was too fragile to travel that far.  We had concluded our wedding would be DW for us - as we would have to go to the town where his parents live in order to have them present!  Unfortunately his father passed away - which does leave us able to get married in the town where we live, as his mother can make it here just fine.  (We could still get Mt. Hood, if we wanted to wait another year - but we don't want it that badly.)  And actually I think that the much larger number of family and friends that we can afford to host here in town, and who can more easily afford to attend here in town, more than makes up for the loss of Mt. Hood.  After all, we go there every year anyway.  We are already saying that in 5 or 10 years we will go on our anniversary, invite a bunch of friends, and renew our vows. drprepper on "Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/opinions-please-what-do-you-think-of-destination-weddings/page/2#post-43046 Sat, 19 Apr 2008 18:21:29 +0000 drprepper 43046@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ i have been to 2 destination weddings (as in the locale was neither the bride's nor the groom's home town/state. i had so much fun at both. however, i will say that it was not easy for either me or my fiance to coordinate traveling. we're both students, so both involved us having to miss classes because of them. we also incurred considerable costs in getting there. now i will say, to me, both were completely worth it...thye brides are 2 of my close friends and i would have never considered not going. on the flip side, most people have to travel to attend weddings these days (over half of our guest list will be flying just to attend). so, for them. they may consider it 'destination.' it all depends on what you, your fh, and families want!  Anti-Zilla on "Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/opinions-please-what-do-you-think-of-destination-weddings/page/2#post-43030 Sat, 19 Apr 2008 12:43:02 +0000 Anti-Zilla 43030@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ i love the idea of DWs!!  several friends and cousins have been married in hawaii, maui and oahu over the years, a cousin eloped & got married in boracay then came back and had a huge bbq afterwards, another cousin of mine got married in an old castle in ireland about 7 years ago...  i wasnt able to go to ireland b/c of time off from work but wasnt put off or offended - i just couldnt go, so big deal (shrugging)... i bought a gift and mailed it.  when we first got engaged, we didnt tell anyone for months b/c we wanted to languish in the joy ourselves w/o the barrage of annoying questions (oooh how did he propose? who's gonna be in the BP?? where/when are you guys going to tie the knot?? do you have a dress yet?? etc)  after a few months, we told our friends and fam, then started thinking (obviously) of the when and the where...  i had always pushed for a ceremony and celebration in hawaii, whereas fh wanted a huge local wedding with all the things that come with a huge wedding... our family and friends would have had no problem traveling, they'd have to travel to california anyway from asia, australia, dhubai, london, canada and about 7 different states, ny and nj being the farthest ones... so for alot of our guests, even california is a "destination" wedding... but the issue that swayed the vote to stay local was b/c of his grandmother's condition - she recently had a stroke and now cannot walk on her own, and flying from los angeles to hawaii would not be easy for her... then life happened and fh got laid off, so we pushed the church wedding out further...  then we ran into another challenge with the church taking longer for the annulment than we thought. so, after much consideration, we decided to postpone our local church wedding.  however, we didnt want to delay being married (isnt this what a wedding symbolizes in the first place??), so on what wouldve been our orig honeymoon in august, fh and i are going to hawaii and getting married, just the 2 of us - nobody knows - they all think we're just going to get married in 2009.  then on our one year anniv, we will have the huge church wedding and reception (350+ ppl) not to offend ppl who dont like dws, but what's the big deal?? it's not about you as a guest or being inconvenienced (time off, money spent etc) get over that thought.. yes you would like to celebrate along with the couple, but if they want to go away and take their vows, it's not up to us as guests now is it??  in fact, it was i who was offended when my aunt said to me "Oh dont forget to invite so and so (i'm like WHO???) she went on to babble "Oh this is great - it will be like a family reunion!! oh yeah and your wedding of course!"  WHAT?? dont use my wedding day as a day when i am told who to invite so the entire family (some of whom i dont know or wish i didnt know) can show up, eat food for free, and tell me "I havent seen you since you were 12 - and now you're a woman!!" ick!  this is selfish on the family's part couples who choose to have a dw shouldnt be thought of as "selfish" or "inconsiderate" of family's and guest's finances - if you, as a guest, cannot swing it, then dont go - it's that simple...i was bummed about not being able to go to ireland, but since then my cousin and i have spent many lazy afternoons hangin out and several holidays with our families - it's just the wedding day - there are many days, months and years after.   overthinking and overanalyzing "how can i swing it to go?" or "hmmm well, if i just charge everything" you're just gonna drive yourself crazy and making a simple situation harder than it is really... for us, luckily we've turned the lemons of fh getting laid off (now working again TG) and church's timing on the annulment into lemonade, now we both get what we want, i get the gorgeous dw in hawaii for just the 2 of us, and the huge church wedding for fh and to appease our family and friends...     prettykatie on "Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/opinions-please-what-do-you-think-of-destination-weddings/page/2#post-43020 Sat, 19 Apr 2008 10:48:42 +0000 prettykatie 43020@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ The idea of a destination wedding doesn't bother me at all. However, the idea of "the people who really care will come" does bother me. If I cannot afford to go to Mexico/Australia/Jamaica/Tanzania, it does not matter how much I care about you. You could be my best friend. You could be my brother. That does not change the fact that I simply may not have that kind of disposable income. And while you certainly have the right to get married any place you like, I don't think I should be judged as someone who "doesn't care enough to make the effort" if I can't attend because of finances. IndianBride on "Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/opinions-please-what-do-you-think-of-destination-weddings/page/2#post-43015 Sat, 19 Apr 2008 10:11:47 +0000 IndianBride 43015@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I don't really think someone else's wedding is a chance for guests to weigh in on the location. If you are invited to a destination wedding you can either cough up the money and attend or politely decline. The bride and groom will not get offended, they understand.  People having DW are having them for personal reasons whether it is sentimental value, they have family there, they want people to spend time with them etc. I'm havng a DW in India and I have strong reasons for having it there. At the same time I'm not in the dark that many friends won't be able to come. highlights include: 1) being able to truly have a cultural/religiously proper ceremony 2) having peole who come be able to celebrate with you and not have to run off the the office or to soccer practice etc. 3) having people who really want to be there make the effort 4) As a compromiise of cultures I'm asking any female friendswho come to be bridesmaids that way there is no pressure for a bridesmaid to attend (we don't have bridesmaids but I like the idea) 5) having countless relatives who could never afford to come to the US from the poorer country of India be able to attend. 6) It becomes a mini vacation for all  Frank;y, I do not think it is selfish at all- It is a bride and groom's decision where to hold their wedding and is not a topic of discussion for guests to weigh in on.     suzanno on "Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/opinions-please-what-do-you-think-of-destination-weddings/page/2#post-42994 Sat, 19 Apr 2008 01:25:46 +0000 suzanno 42994@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Ankile - I definately don't think its selfish of you to get married where you live.  My sister was married in New Mexico; she and her husband had both lived there for years.  All our family is on the west coast, and his is in the south, so to pick one family's location would have just made everybody else travel twice as far.  We would have loved to get married at the Timberline Lodge at Mt. Hood, and actually talked about that a lot when we first talked about marriage.  In our case though, I have to say that it would have been selfish.  It would have made all of both our families travel, and the cost would have been difficult for some immediate family whom we really wanted to be there.  And at the time FI's father was confined to a wheelchair, and his health deteriorating; it was hard enough to get him across town to a restaurant to dinner let alone to another state for the weekend.  Since clearly we couldn't hold a wedding that our immediate families couldn't all attend, we decided we really needed to get married close to home.  I guess that if we bought into the philosophy that the wedding day is all about us, we might have gone for it.  But IMO, the wedding day really is not all about the bride and groom.  It's about family, and community, and the joy of celebrating with your family and friends.  It's true that what is being celebrated is your wedding, but it's actually a great honor to have people care enough to take the time to come spend this day with us, and for us it is about enjoying their company, showing them a good time, and letting them know how important they are to us.  ankile on "Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/opinions-please-what-do-you-think-of-destination-weddings/page/2#post-42913 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 17:13:19 +0000 ankile 42913@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I am gettnig married in Maui (where FI and I met and have lived for a long time).  We're not have a traditional "destination" wedding, but we know that for a lot of people, it will be.  His family is in Europe and mine on the east coast.  They are all coming, but we are working hard to have those who are short on cash stay in reasonably priced accommodations and with friends who have spare rooms. We also understand that some people can't come, and that's ok.  Several of my friends had DW's when I was really broke, so I didn't go.  I was bummed, but realistically I wouldn't have been able to go anyway because we all live far apart.  I am sending out STD's as early as possible so that people can plan to come if they are able to. We're also not asking for gifts - just having people here will be the best thing ever!     The  reason that we decided to get married here is because this is where our life together is.  It is selfish of us, but ever since we started talking about getting married, I haven't been able to imagine doing it anywhere else!   Amy on "Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/opinions-please-what-do-you-think-of-destination-weddings/page/2#post-42900 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 15:54:33 +0000 Amy 42900@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ i think ppl are saying its' "selfish" b/c some brides/grooms get mad when ppl choose not to come to their destination weddings.  in that case... yea its selfish!  as long as the bride and groom keeps an open mind about ppl not being able to come.. then i think DWs are GREAT! GetMarried4Less on "Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/opinions-please-what-do-you-think-of-destination-weddings/page/2#post-42898 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 15:31:45 +0000 GetMarried4Less 42898@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ i haven't read every comment but i've read enough to hear the word 'selfish' quite a few times.... i'm not having a DW but i find it incredible that others would think a DW is selfish. the most important people of that day is the bride and groom. its about them. whatever choice they make is the best one for them, so i would accept it and move on.  if i couldnt afford to go, i'd let them know but i wouldnt think they are being "selfish". i think it would be selfish of me to expect such a major decision to be based upon many others rather than the two of them.   mtyf on "Opinions Please! What do you think of Destination Weddings?" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/opinions-please-what-do-you-think-of-destination-weddings/page/2#post-42881 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 14:21:56 +0000 mtyf 42881@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Ours is kind of a destination wedding - we grew up in Canada but have been living in the US for 8 years. The wedding is in Canada, just outside of the city where we both grew up. For the majority of our guests, there is a fair amount of travel involved (flight - although, it's only about 3 hours for most of our US guests, shorter than a flight fro LA to NYC! and they have to drive about an hour from the airport). Our lives (and thus friends and families) have been so scattered that basically anywhere we chose to get married would have resulted in a lot of travel for some portion of the guests, so we figured we might as well show off a beautiful Canadian town and make it easier for our parents (who still live up there). I have felt bad about all the arrangements that people have to make but I don't think I have heard a single negative comment from anyone about not being able to make it. We invited people who we would like to celebrate with us (and who we know want to be there with us), and everyone who is coming is crazy excited to see us and visit Canada. Those who cannot make it have been really apologetic and saying that they wished they could come. Even if they cite expenses or hassle as the reason they can't make it, they never imply that we were selfish or unreasonable for planning it the way we did. We understand that it's a lot of time and money, and we have tried to make things as smooth as possible (arranging for flight, hotel and rental car discounts, putting lots of info on our website and in the invitation, etc.) and I think people appreciate that. You just can't please or cater to everyone, and you shouldn't really have to - but on the flip side, you then cannot be upset with people for not being able to come!