http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: Sister--what to do? en Mon, 23 Nov 2009 06:20:07 +0000 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-what-to-do#post-251199 Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:34:36 +0000 mlkeysock 251199@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I think you're allowing ample time between her wedding and your wedding. I'm another bee who believes that you get 1 day (or a week depending on festivities) for your wedding - not a month or a year. I think you have a very level head about the whole situation. It's very big of you to let the guests who would have trouble traveling twice to go to her wedding rather than yours. Talk with her a little more about this, and I'm sure you can work things out! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-what-to-do#post-249951 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 13:55:59 +0000 kitten 249951@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>After I had been engaged for 1.5 years, my brother swooped in and proposed to my now-SIL.&nbsp; They ended up getting married 6 months before us.&nbsp; During thier planning process, I NEVER gave them even a hint of input as to when they should schedule their wedding date.&nbsp; It wasn't my place to tell them when to get married!&nbsp; And yes, I was engaged first, and yes, it did divert some attention from our wedding, but the world doesn't revolve around us!&nbsp; Even though traveling to both weddings was a burden on our friends and family (we both had OOT weddings), 6 months was plenty of time for our family to save up again and turn their focus on our wedding!&nbsp; So, needless to say, in my opinion you should schedule your wedding whenever you want, provided that there is a reasonable cushion between our other siblings' weddings! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-what-to-do#post-249930 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 13:43:10 +0000 fanatic888 249930@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>My best friend and her sister got engaged about the same time. They ended up having their weddings 3-4 months apart and it was not a problem whatsoever.&nbsp; Everyone came to both and both received just&nbsp; the same amount of gifts.&nbsp; As a frame of reference, they each had a little less than 300 guests at their weddings.&nbsp; My best friend&nbsp;and her sister both wanted each other to be happy so maybe you can play that card. </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-what-to-do#post-249838 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:44:10 +0000 GaBGal 249838@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Yup, hold your ground for sure! And just another suggestion, I wouldn't tell her before everyone else. I would tell your parents and let them know this is wha tyou've decided, then fill her in. This way she won't try to sway you again.</p> <p>Also, Re: Your Grandparents, this to me is a VERY valid reason. I had my last grandparent pass away a year and half ago and my godfather/uncle pass away this past May. It breaks my heart that they can't be part of my wedding. I am hoping that FI's grandparents can keep on kicking for a little longer so they can be there! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-what-to-do#post-249819 Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:15:56 +0000 kateinseattle 249819@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I just want to send out a heartfelt thank you to everyone who posted.&nbsp; I really appreciate your feedback.&nbsp; I wish we could get married the fall of '10, but we just won't have enough saved up.&nbsp; My sister is young and her fiance is her only boyfriend ever.&nbsp; My personal theory is that because she's never had her heart broken, she has a different sense of fairytale entitlement that isn't exactly tempered by a selfless personality (is that tactful enough?).&nbsp; She has&nbsp;never worried about being in my shadow.&nbsp; She's a great kid, and she sure has her generous moments, but she's sometimes a handful.</p> <p>I really wanted to know if we were out of line before we decided to tell her we're picking a September date.&nbsp; Then it's up to her to make it as far from ours as she wants, with plenty of&nbsp;opportunity to still be in spring/summer.&nbsp; Thanks so much for the replies...this isn't exactly something I could ask other family members about!&nbsp; I'm sure she'll calm down...and in the meantime, I'm holding my ground.&nbsp; Thanks for the encouragement!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-what-to-do#post-248703 Sat, 04 Jul 2009 15:48:22 +0000 Tanya123 248703@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I agree with the pps.&nbsp; Really you should tell her if she doesn't like the idea of you having it three months after hers, then you'll be having it three months before.&nbsp;</p> <p>But it sounds like there are a couple of things going on.&nbsp; </p> <p>1.&nbsp; That she's concerned with you taking her spotlight.</p> <p>2. She's concerned about her other plans, that might keep her from being at your wedding.&nbsp; Or is she feeling your wedding will keep her from doing these plans?</p> <p>I'm not sure if the second is really just an excuse to make her real concerns seem valid, or if she genuinely has concern.&nbsp; </p> <p>Either way, I think you need to do what's best for you.</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-what-to-do#post-248699 Sat, 04 Jul 2009 15:37:04 +0000 northernazbride 248699@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>What in the world is your sister thinking? I don't understand what it is about weddings that give people such an outrageous sense of entitlement. Please, just go ahead and plan your wedding when you would like to have it. Maybe wait a few months after hers, but I don't see the need to wait a whole year. Her wedding is ONE day, that doesn't mean she gets the whole efing year... geez. It makes me mad! </p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-what-to-do#post-248505 Sat, 04 Jul 2009 01:29:36 +0000 MrsT2Bee 248505@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>Oh boy, I went through the EXACT same conversation with my sister! Long story short, she wanted to get married in 2009, but didn't think she could afford it, so set her date for 2010, meaning I would have to wait until 2011 to get married. My arguement to her - You get ONE DAY for your wedding. One day for everything to be all about you - NOT an entire year! She ended up talking with my Mom and going over her budget, and in the end, moved her wedding up to 2009, so that I could get married in 2010 (which is what I wanted). </p> <p>My advice to you... set your date for whenever you want it to be. If she <em>really </em>has an issue with you getting married first, she'll bump hers up. </p> <p>As far as etiquitte with the family goes, I think a couple months apart is more than enough time.</p> <p>You should not have to sacrafice your wedding day for her. I offered to do the same thing, give up all monies, gifts, attention to her - but in the end, it's not worth it. Just go about your wedding planning however you please, and hopefully some day she'll realize how selfish and ludicrous she's being!!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-what-to-do#post-248495 Sat, 04 Jul 2009 01:07:59 +0000 lorajoy06 248495@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I agree that you should discuss this with your brother.&nbsp; It sounds like your sister decided to have a two year engagement- which I think is a bit long to begin with. So to ask you to wait an entire year after that just seems ridiculous. Just because you got engaged last doesn't mean you have to get married last, especially since it is her decision to wait so long. Don't let her uncertainties about where her and her FI will be in a few years take over your entire wedding day. There is no way to perfectly plan everything so it works for everybody. Do what works for you and your future husband. My advice would be to be sure that the weddings are still a little bit spread out, but I don't think you should have to wait a year. A few months will be plenty of time for everyone to recover.</p> <p>As far as wanting your grandparents there with you, I completely understand this. My Grandpa was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in September and given one year to live. We got engaged in November and planned an August wedding. Unfortunately my Grandpa passed away in March, only 6 months after he was diagnosed. It breaks my heart that he will&nbsp;not be there with us physically but I know that I did everything that I could.&nbsp;There is no way to be certain that all of our loved ones can be there with us, but it is much more likely one year from now than three years from now. Have you discussed this with your sister? It seems like she would be the one person who would understand your feelings about wanting your grandparents there. If I were you I would really sit down with her and put all of this on the table. Good luck!</p> http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-what-to-do#post-248345 Fri, 03 Jul 2009 20:25:43 +0000 Noelle-a-Belle 248345@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ <p>I think it's ridiculous that she feels she can dictate when YOU will hold your wedding.&nbsp; She has a valid argument that guests may not be willing to travel two times w/in the time frame, however, you're getting married AFTER her so it will affect you, not her.&nbsp; So if you are OK with that, she should be OK with it as well.&nbsp; I agree that a 3 year engagement isn't that bad; ours lasted 6 years!!!&nbsp; But you have good reasons for wishing to be married ASAP and she should understand that; after all you've got the same grandparents.&nbsp; Just tell her as nicely as possible that you understand her concerns, but you have decided you want to get married soon, not wait until 2012.&nbsp;</p>