Weddingbee Boards Topic: Family drama

Weddingbee Boards Topic: Family drama http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: Family drama en Tue, 14 Feb 2012 09:56:53 +0000 jaime2010 on "Family drama" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/to-invite-or-not-invite#post-757192 Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:57:10 +0000 jaime2010 757192@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I am so sorry .... at my brothers wedding his wife had the same situation but it was her dad so she invited him but had my brothers two best friends keep an eye on him .. if he acts up have him kicked out by a close family member or friend lol it works ... good luck Shelbystar on "Family drama" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/to-invite-or-not-invite#post-101807 Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:08:59 +0000 Shelbystar 101807@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ You can't change other people's behavior. You can only change your own. I think it is entirely reasonable to NOT invite this person who you KNOW is going to misbehave one way or another at your wedding. Inviting him only legitimizes his claim to be at your wedding to get drunk and embarass you. He will be much harder to get rid of that way.  If you don't invite your brother and he DOES show up, you have grounds to have him removed from the wedding. It is that simple. You are the bride and this is supposed to be your special day. You shouldn't have to fret like this over an inappropriate member of your family. So don't. You deserve to have a wonderful time with family and friends who are there because they love you and your husband, not because there might be free drinks or opportunity to start drama. sunbeam on "Family drama" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/to-invite-or-not-invite#post-101402 Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:53:51 +0000 sunbeam 101402@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ This is a tough situation!   It sounds like you are very concerned about him coming even with someone watching your brother (and it sounds like his kids will need watchers too) and it seems like you will still be preoccupied by them in the back of your mind during your wedding day.  And that's certainly not what you should be focusing on! I'm on your side for to not invite him, and if he finds out or asks why, then I think you should just be honest and tell him you want to be able to focus on your marriage and not worry about him getting out of control.  I know that sounds easier than it is.   If you do end up inviting him, maybe you can set some ground rules a head of time and tell him you are not having children at your wedding (you could make some quite exceptions for those who you don't mind attending) Good Luck with your decision and best wishes to you and your fiance!  teamzeewagen on "Family drama" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/to-invite-or-not-invite#post-101387 Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:14:40 +0000 teamzeewagen 101387@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Hey grumpybear, sounds like you're in a pickle, or at least have a paw stuck in the honey pot (I'm sorry, I'm ridiculous).   I may be wrong, but it seems like you've already decided to cut JR from the guest list and want permission from your fellow bees to follow through with it.  If this is the case, consider permission granted by at least one bee.  Any of us might make a different decision (I, for example, will be cringing at the sight of a certain future in-law's inevitable drunken finger pointing), but only you know your family's drama and only you will have to live with the aftermath.  Go with your gut and don't look back. Tanya123 on "Family drama" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/to-invite-or-not-invite#post-101325 Mon, 05 Jan 2009 11:44:38 +0000 Tanya123 101325@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Some things you might want to consider....  How often after this wedding might you see him? Is he sometimes maybe offensive, or usually offensive?  Could this inviation also be an olive branch to patch things up?  Do you care to patch things up?  Do you know what he (and his family's expectations are for invitations to your wedding?) (All rhetorical questions.) My first reaction is to say, don't invite him if you don't want to.  Who needs "tacky" drama at a classy wedding?  You don't want to think about that stuff when you think about your wedding memories for the rest of your life.  On the other hand, if not inviting him creates mounds of trouble, I suppose it's more difficult to simply not invite.  You said you were having trouble finding an answer that puts you at peace.  The problem is that you won't.  You need to simply make the best decision you can.  That's what makes it a hard decision. I just don't think you will find the perfect answer for this situation.  I think we all can feel for you.  We'v been there in one way or another.  Good luck. chelseamorning on "Family drama" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/to-invite-or-not-invite#post-101253 Mon, 05 Jan 2009 09:23:12 +0000 chelseamorning 101253@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ You said you're not close at all, and the wedding sounds like it's far away from home: Given this, what are the odds of him coming at all even if you do invite him?   If you think there's a good chance he will come, perhaps you could invite him but make the invitation as (legitimately) unappealing as possible. In the least, you could invite JR but specify no children. It's one thing to babysit a grown person who's out of control and another to babysit both that person and his three out-of-control children.  Maybe he will be offended at the no-kids proviso and none of them will come as a result. Aside from the wedding question though, please don't hold JR's reaction to your father's death against him. People deal with grief in myriad ways, and not all of them will make sense to the outside observer. Just because he appeared or still appears not to care does not mean that's how he feels on the inside. Shock, denial, self-isolation, and drinking to self-medicate are common reactions to grief. The process is different for everyone and his destructive lifestyle will not be making the process go any faster or easier for him. Regardless of whether you invite him, I hope that helps you understand JR a little better. Good luck. amy77jc on "Family drama" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/to-invite-or-not-invite#post-101218 Mon, 05 Jan 2009 08:26:08 +0000 amy77jc 101218@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I'm so sorry to hear about this additional stress being added to your day. I think it is probably best to invite him, have someone babysit him and hope for the best. The only thing you can control is yourself and your actions - so nobody can blame you for it later. As for the kids, could you possibly have a separate area where kids could be entertained/play? Or maybe no kids at all? (i know that one is harsh)... you hate to ask others to not enjoy your wedding, but it sounds like you've got a great support system. What about asking your Mother to speak to him prior? Although that may just stir things up even more... Oh, i can only hope he'd be considerate enough to keep himself under control.. Good luck! I'll be sending you good thoughts as you make this decision! grumpybear722 on "Family drama" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/to-invite-or-not-invite#post-101200 Mon, 05 Jan 2009 07:23:05 +0000 grumpybear722 101200@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Thanks everybody! I still haven't found an answer that puts me at peace, but I truely do understand where everyone is coming from, and am thankful for your insight. My other brother has volunteered to babysit him, but it goes way beyond just JR. He has 3 children that will also act out, and they don't listen to anyone telling them to stop. My main issue is that he and his children won't respect the property where we are getting married. The rules state no smoking, but I'm sure he'll still smoke. There are a lot of dead animals; either stuffed, or their bones, and I don't want to risk them being broken. (We're getting married at a nature preserve, NOT a cemetary!!! Haha) My Mother doesn't care for his behavior either. He has been quite rude to her since Dad's been gone, and he makes her uncomfortable. JR and I are not close at all and I don't see that changing in the future. While I'm sure there will be repercussions, I'd much rather deal with them AFTER the wedding than to deal with him AT the wedding. LisaLee on "Family drama" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/to-invite-or-not-invite#post-100178 Wed, 31 Dec 2008 15:04:10 +0000 LisaLee 100178@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Hi Bear I am sorry to about your fathers passing it is never easy for anyone to lose a parent because we feel they should live forever. I understand you being mad at your brother because you couldn't be by his side or even to say your final goodbye. But remember everyone deals with pain differently grieves differently maybe you had a great relationship with your dad and him not so much. I'm not saying it is right some people are dumb but that is still your brother. From what you wrote it sounds like why bother It sounds like you have more reason not to invite him other than you are related. Sometimes you have to separate your self from family because they don't want good for you because they can't get pass themselves. If I was you I wouldn't invite him because you have to draw a line in the sand and it is taking the focus off of you and your future husband day. Good Luck I hope and pray you find you way through all the turmoil emileee on "Family drama" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/to-invite-or-not-invite#post-100150 Wed, 31 Dec 2008 13:45:13 +0000 emileee 100150@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ if you don't invite him, is it possible he might find out about the wedding and crash it anyway?  i'm sure he's definitely going to make a scene if it comes down to that!