Weddingbee Boards Topic: Unsure Whether To Include FSIL

Weddingbee Boards Topic: Unsure Whether To Include FSIL http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Weddingbee Boards Topic: Unsure Whether To Include FSIL en Tue, 14 Feb 2012 06:59:58 +0000 Gemstone on "Unsure Whether To Include FSIL" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/unsure-whether-to-include-fsil#post-646461 Mon, 25 Jan 2010 07:16:09 +0000 Gemstone 646461@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Thanks for the support ladies! It really did turn out to be the right decision. And although FI wasn't crazy about having 6 instead of 5 each, he's coming around to it because it meant he got to included another friend as well.   MrsGax, I know it's such a hard issue...so sorry you are going through that! MrsGax2B on "Unsure Whether To Include FSIL" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/unsure-whether-to-include-fsil#post-629948 Tue, 19 Jan 2010 00:21:02 +0000 MrsGax2B 629948@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ i tried to include mine.. shes out of control and unreliable and FH said F her, shes out. glad you sorted everything out! wonderlanded on "Unsure Whether To Include FSIL" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/unsure-whether-to-include-fsil#post-506879 Fri, 27 Nov 2009 12:31:02 +0000 wonderlanded 506879@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Oh, congrats! This sounds like the best solutions, you get all your friends as well as making a really nice gesture to your FSIL and FMIL. OttawaBride2011 on "Unsure Whether To Include FSIL" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/unsure-whether-to-include-fsil#post-506670 Fri, 27 Nov 2009 09:47:03 +0000 OttawaBride2011 506670@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ that's great! i think you made the right decision :) Gemstone on "Unsure Whether To Include FSIL" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/unsure-whether-to-include-fsil#post-506651 Fri, 27 Nov 2009 09:31:13 +0000 Gemstone 506651@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ UPDATE: Last night, after Thanksgiving dinner, I pulled my FSIL aside and asked her to be a bridesmaid. She was so happy and so excited and told me she can't wait to have a sister. I am happy right now—I think I made the right choice. By the way, I convinced FI to up our number of attendants, so I was able to include all of my friends PLUS his sister. Isn't he just swell? :)   Thanks for all your support, bees! Gemstone on "Unsure Whether To Include FSIL" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/unsure-whether-to-include-fsil#post-479945 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:14:32 +0000 Gemstone 479945@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ Lilyfaith - thanks for your input. I don't want to hurt her! Jocelyn - You are right -- making nice with the blending of families is a good idea. mmmaries - You worded that so well. Thanks for keeping me in the right perspective. 7sevenj9 - I am so sorry to hear what you're going through with your FSIL! What a nightmare! Boston Bee - That makes a lot of sense! My brother will be on my FI's side because they are pretty good friends in addition to the fact that my brother and I are very close. On the flipside, though, my FI and my FSIL are NOT close, so he wouldn't have a desire to have her stand with him. Thanks so much for your encouragement and reassuring words! minneapolitan - The idea that including future siblings is something we *should* do is seeming to be pretty prevalent. And no, there's no big reason not too -- just little reasons. ;) SpinningJenny - Thank you for sharing your how this worked in your own experience. I have already received comments from my FI's extended family that make it pretty clear that they expect his sister to be in the wedding party. So I think it would be more than just her who feels snubbed. :( Missabee - Oh my goodness, what great things to think about. Thank you so much. I will try to address some of your point in my response to all below. Peoniespearls - I know -- we have so long still, I am just so excited to "announce" my bridesmaids! :) And you're right -- family is there forever.   Okay bees, let me just say that I am overwhelmed by your support and so, so thankful! For a while, I felt okay about not including my FSIL. But when I did a little bit of digging deep in my heart, I felt really terrible about not including her. So then I became torn because I did not want to "cut" one of my closest friends for someone who I don't particularly even want in the wedding party. To answer some of Missabees questions, FI has NO desire for her to be in the wedding party. They are NOT close, but I am trying to make nice by including her. So unfortunately, we can't swap and have my brother on my side and his sister on his, as much as I love my brother. My FMIL is so sweet that she really thinks I should have the day the way I want, but I do know that the rest of FI's extended family would be upset if I don't include her. They've already made comments to me that indicate they expect her to be a BM. And then honestly, I don't know if my FSIL will really help my process at all. She might help, but I really don't see her being hugely involved. I'd like to think that if I make the gesture of including her, she'll at least be nice/respectful. For some reason, I am all wrapped up in having *five* maids -- as though five is the perfect number. FI feels the same way. Finally, my mom told me that the only "easy" choice, is to just up the number to six. That way I can include FSIL and all of my friends. When I told FI this, he balked a bit at the high number, but I think he sees how hard this decision is on me. Do you think six is too many? I know the rule of one maid for every 50 guests, but just in general -- when you look at a wedding party, would 6 maids and 6 mens look crazy? I think that's what FI is afraid of -- having so many attendants that the attention is shifted away from us. THANK YOU BEES! peoniespearls on "Unsure Whether To Include FSIL" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/unsure-whether-to-include-fsil#post-449150 Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:41:44 +0000 peoniespearls 449150@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I would put it off a little longer, I believe you said you had another year (?) until the wedding and I think as long as you "offically" annonce it 6 months ahead of time you'll be good. Perhaps by then she'll have matured a little bit....you could try including her in some wedding stuff & see how she reacts when she doesn't have to "show off" for the fam. Personally, my FI and I are including his his sister (she'll turn 21 on our wedding day) in the wedding party because as <a href="../profile/mmmarries">mmmarries</a> put it- she'll be around the rest of your married life! Missabee on "Unsure Whether To Include FSIL" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/unsure-whether-to-include-fsil#post-445230 Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:26:51 +0000 Missabee 445230@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I went through the same dilemma about whether to include my FSIL.   I actually had a post about it here, too.  In the end, I didn't ask her, and I only feel a tiny bit bad about it, but no stress about she and I clashing during the whole wedding planning process and that's HUGE to me. I worried about if she were in my party, I would not be able to enjoy my own wedding.  We are as different as day and night. Here is a short list of things that I considered while deciding. In the end, how my FI feels has a lot to do with my final decision.  The following is assuming that you prefer not to have your FSIL in party but you also don't want to offend her and do want to have famil harmony (this was my state of mind about whether to include her or not: 1. How does FI feel?  Does he have ANY desire to include FSIL? Can you swap your brother with his sister if both end up being in wedding party?  We would have done this if FI cared to have her on his side. 2. Does your FMIL want her to be in your party? I think I would have included FSIL if they expressed that desire. Ideally I'd love my FSIL in my wedding party, but ideally my FSIL would be a nicer and more easy going person, too. 3. Will she make your wedding plannign process miserable if she were in your party?  Would she ruin your experience for you?  Would you be happy on your wedding day if she's part of your wedding party? 4. What are the chances she'll be a gracious BM?  You know her best. What makes your situation different from mine is that my brother (who is very important to me) is standing on my side as my  Man of Honor, so no one can say how come I didn't invite FSIL, as it'd be on FI (and he doesn't care). I understand that there is a possibility that my FSIL might surprise me and would be very helpful if she were in my wedding party, but I don't want to chance it. lastly, like what the pp said, you still have a bit of time to decide.  I didn't pick my wedding party until 8 months out (except for the MOH).  Don't lock yourself in just yet.  I sat on the problem for months but when I decided, it made all the sense to me and I feel pretty happy about it.  Now when I see her doing selfish things and disrespectful things to me, I just feel so glad and thankful that  I didn't include her. Use now until 6-8 months out from wedding to see if how your relationship with your FSIL develops. If by then it's no better, I wouldn't include her. I do wish for both families to merge, but sometimes it's just impossible. :/   GOOD LUCK!   SpinningJenny on "Unsure Whether To Include FSIL" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/unsure-whether-to-include-fsil#post-445096 Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:45:59 +0000 SpinningJenny 445096@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I personally lean towards including her, if only because I would consider potentially avoiding the drama worth it. In my circle of friends, when a friend, C,  got married, his fiancee did not ask his sister to be a bridesmad. Everyone was very surprised (his family, the whole circle of friends, etc) and thought it was insulting to leave her out. I know every group of people/local areas feel different about this, but I got the hint that with this social circle, leaving out Mr Spin's sister would be seen as a deliberate snub. So I included Mr Spin's sister as a bridesmaid even though it throws the numbers off. To me, it was worth having her in the bridal party. We're not especially close, but we do like each other. I am a little intimidated by her, b/c she does speak her mind very plainly. But I love Mr Spin and his parents and I wouldn't for the world want to hurt them by leaving her out. I would say do your best to put the decision off for awhile longer. June 2011 is still a long ways away and hopefully in a couple months you'll have a better idea of how your FI and FMIL feel about this. If the only person who would be insulted is the whiny younger sister, it will have to be your judgement call. But if it would insult the whole family to exclude her, it might be worth it to put up with her and just include her as a BM if you can't get away with her as a reader. Good luck! Keep us posted! minneapolitan on "Unsure Whether To Include FSIL" http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/unsure-whether-to-include-fsil#post-445076 Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:40:28 +0000 minneapolitan 445076@http://boards.weddingbee.com/ I included my two FSILs, and I already have sisters.  But we're both really really close to all of them so it made sense for me.  If I didn't like my FSILs, maybe I would have changed it up, but in general I really lean towards thinking that siblings should be included unless there's some really big reason not to.