Post # 1
My fiance and I are planning a small- medium DESTINATION wedding of 80 guests (8 hours driving distance away). Almost all of that will be our extended family (who are all married) and wedding party. We are inviting about 20 friends including my college, highschool, and sorority friends though. With that said- all of them will know someone else at the wedding except for 1 or 2. I’m getting concerned about this growing guest list with our budget 🙁
There are often the awkward questions like- “can my boyfriend come?” which I don’t know how to answer. We were only planning on having +1’s for the bridal party; but now I don’t know what to do. I think almost all of them will travel together in some shape or form.
So- what should I do with that said?
Post # 3
This is really touchy. I’m leaning towards saying they all can have a +1 since it is 8 hours away. I wouldn’t go to a wedding without my FI if he couldn’t come, unless it was someone I was super close to (like sister or BFF, and in that case, he would be allowed to come). I don’t drive much, so I sure as hell am not making an 8 hour drive by myself. I also am terrified of flying, so I am not going to fly alone. I would probably skip the wedding if he couldn’t come. Even before we were engaged, we lived together.. so the whole only married/engaged people can come excuse wouldn’t fly with me either (lots of people do that).
If you allow some +1s but not others, you’re just asking for trouble. People will notice and ask why they couldn’t have a +1. It makes them seem less important IMO.
Can you cut costs elsewhere?
Post # 4
@janet.little.7: There is no option on your pol that fits my opinion.
If they are a social unit, i.e long term dating relationship, engaged, or living together, they really should get a plus one.
You can assess the number of guests this would mean closer to the mailing date for your invitations.
Post # 5
@julies1949: I added an option for you :)! That is another good idea.
Post # 6
Let me share the breakdown to give you a better idea:
6 friends are from within my major and we see eachother/hang out as a unit a LOT
6 are my college roommates that I shared a house with
6 are my friends from highshcool that all hung out together
2 are alone 🙁 and don’t know one another
Post # 7
@canarydiamond: I agree- 8 hours is far drive alone but I was assuming that most would road trip it together since they are in the same friend circle? I also would not fly alone anywhere by myself- EVER so i totally agree with you there!
Unfortunately- I’ve cut down almost everything without giving up things that are really important to me…
Post # 8
I had a destination wedding and gave almost everyone a plus 1. There were about 3 people in a 200 person wedding (500 invited, 200 attended) that didn’t get plus 1’s for different reasons.
If you want them to come, give em a plus 1.
Post # 9
Etiquette considers a social unit to be couples who are married or engaged or who are living together (the latter, only because etiquette has chosen to presume that such couples are secretly married.) There is no requirement that you invite the dating partners of any of your other guests, regardless of how long they may have been dating or how serious they may otherwise consider their own relationships to be.
Post # 10
Etiquette snob here… lol
I would 100% agree with the comments made by BOTH @julies1949: & @Brielle: in regards to what defines a “social unit”
And I would add that “Traditional Etiquette” vs modern… would also state that for those in your Bridal Party over the age of 18 (as well as your immediate Siblings… Brothers & Sisters) that it is “considerate” to give them automatic plus ones… (be that for their Spouce, Live In, Fiance, regular SO, or a Date they’ve chosen for the occasion… or if they have no “date” per se… whomever else they wish to spend the weekend with, and the “off time” from their Wedding functions… even if that is a Brother, Sister or Mother… the choice is truly theirs to make).l
As your nearest & dearest, and the folks who will have to make the most sacrifices / allowances etc for your Wedding… Offering them the opportunity to bring a Guest / Plus One is the polite thing to do.
Their “dates” are invited to accompany them to the Rehearsal Dinner, the Wedding & Reception, as well as the Day After Brunch if you have one.
As for everyone else, that is single … I wouldn’t worry too much… as you say, it looks like most of them know a large portion of those in attendance.
On the other hand, if your Destination Wedding was a case where the person would be flying vs driving… then I’d certainly extend the offer as well. Flying to a Wedding is usually a much bigger deal than driving… and a greater “outlay” / sacrifice for a guest to make, so in turn for that consideration, I always say a Plus One is in order.
Hope this helps,
Post # 11
I know budget is a concern, so I’d find some way to wiggle the budget that allows your guests to each bring a +1. I’m of the mindset that it’s just really rude to ask your guests to drive 8+ hours for a destination wedding (and the costs that come along with that) and not allow them to bring a +1.
Post # 12
If it’s a destination wedding, your guests will be going to considerable expense and investing a lot of time to be there. It would be rude to not extend a +1 in that circumstance.
Post # 13
I think you should give everyone a plus one. I had a destination wedding and we gave all of our guests a plus one. Not everyone came with a plus one but the option was there. Who would want to travel such a distance alone?
Post # 14
I don’t agree with limiting people in relationships to married/engaged/cohabitating. Some people have been in relationships for years but are not yet engaged, and do not want to live together for various reasons.
If any of your friends are truly single, I do not think they have to be given a plus one. If they have a significant other that person should be invited, and you don’t get to determine whether the relationship is “serious” enough to warrant a plus one.
Post # 15
@sweetchiquita12: +1 If you are asking your guests to travel 8 hours to attend, you should at least give them the option of bringing someone with them.
Post # 16
@Sea_Ashley: I think you meant to send that to the original poster which isnt me lol