(Closed) +1 Etiquette- I am shocked. Is it just me?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that some people are paying extravagant prices per plate for their receptions.  Eliminating +1s to people without an SO could save them thousands of dollars.

Though, I’m with you as far as our party is involved-  Anyone who wants to come is welcome!

Post # 4
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think that if the budget allows for it, giving everyone a +1 is an ideal situation.

However, for a lot of Bees that is not always in the cards. If you are planning an intimate wedding, having random +1’s might be awkward and uncomfortable. On the flip side, if you are having a large wedding with a lot of singles (ready to mingle) that will know each other –  do they really need a plus one?

There are so many arguments for either case (and lots of gray areas, for sure). I don’t think that it’s something that can successfully be argued as “right” or “wrong” as it’s so subjective!

Post # 6
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think this might have started when the average cost for a wedding exceeded $20k. There was no way we would have paid $70 a plate (+ open bar, favors, champagne toast, whathaveyou) for a group of flavors of the week. Some people we wanted to invite didn’t make the cut because of our budget, so why put random strangers in their place?

Post # 7
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, I think a lot of it has to do with how much wedding costs and expectations have escalated. I see people on here talking about $150+ per plate – seriously??? So to be expected to host strangers at that price – you gotta understand the pushback.

If you are hosting a more modest event and can make it work, that’s great. But I don’t think it should be assumed. I can see how to some people it would be shocking not to give out +1’s – but I also think that it’s shockingly presumptuous to assume that you automatically get to invite friends to someone else’s party.

Post # 8
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Padua Hills Theater

I think a lot has changed in the wedding world over the years. It seems a lot more Bride’s and Grooms pay for the wedding themselves rather than getting help from a parent. I think in that case they have to cut down their guest list a bit making it difficult to give everyone plus ones. 

We did not give everyone a plus one for our wedding and we still ended up over our 150 person limit. I agree with @MsMindle: that it really is subjective. I would have loved to have everyone bring a date but we didn’t have the money or the room for it. 

 

Post # 9
Member
3887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think not only did this start when wedding prices started soaring AND when many brides and grooms started paying for their own weddings, I think the Internet (and sites like this) have made it explode.  Even 10-15 years ago, you’d have to actually ask friends/family/wedding professionals for the etiquette, or read an actual book. These days, you just ask google, find this website, and no matter what etiquette you’re trying to brush up on, you’ll find someone who emphatically agrees with what you want to hear.

 

Post # 10
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think it went away when the era of ” It’s MY day!!1!” brides came about. I follow proper etiquette and think it is beyond rude. I’d sacrifice my budget in some other way, but I would never cut a +1 to save money. 

Post # 11
Member
3832 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We are including dates in ours.  In our area its common to bring a date or friend as a plus one. It doesnt have to be a long term partner. 

I think it has to do with the area your in personally. We are very country and laid back about things like that. 

Post # 12
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We gave most people a “plus one” but I REALLY wanted to know personally every single person at my wedding. We invited only people who would stand up for our marriage and to support us. A random friend just wouldn’t have cut it in my book.

It wasn’t so much the money, but that def played a factor too. Im not spending $150+ just so you can bring a random girl friend or guy friend.

Post # 13
Member
12569 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am being selective with my +1s because its costing me well over $200 per plate per guest, and that’s a lot of money to spend on a complete stranger.  If the person wouldn’t know anyone there, that would be a different story.  But, my 17 year old cousin?  I don’t need to spend that kind of money on a date for them.

Post # 14
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can see not giving truly single people a plus one, but there are an awful lot of posts from people who don’t want to allow boyfriends/girlfriends to come. The only way that’s acceptable is if the couple is in high school. Folks who are traveling any kind of distance should also be extended the courtesy of a plus one. I’m flummoxed when I see a bride who is having a destination wedding complaining that people want to bring traveling companions. 

We picked our venue, made our guestlist, and budgeted as if every guest would be in a relationship at the time of the wedding. Anyone who comes alone just means we save money or will upgrade something later.

Post # 15
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yes I think times have changed. Also the fact that parents may be more demanding of who must be invited. And the more that are invited the bigger the budget and when budget matters the biggest cut to make is the number of guests. and when you’re cutting guests you typically start with the unecessay plus ones. That said everyone has a different version of uncessary plus ones.

Ours was: you can bring your partner, but if you don’t have a partner AND you don’t know anyone coming you get a plus one. If you DO know several people coming you do NOT get a plus one (as you’ll have plenty of company).

Post # 16
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree I think everyone should have a plus one. Who wants to go to a wedding filled with couples when you cant bring someone. I got invited to my cousins wedding thats this August long weekend, and I didnt get a plus one, even though ive been with my FI over 4 years and we have been living together for along time, there excuse, well we havent met him. Needless to say i declined the wedding. Either dont invite me or invite me plus +1. Strictly my opinion.

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