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If you are really looking to cut down your costs on invites, I think you could shift your age a little bit and say "If you are still in college (undergrad), you get invited with your parents". But after I graduated college, I'd be a little peeved to not get my own invite, even if I was still living at home.
EDIT - note, I wouldn't not attend or anything drastic like that if I didn't get a seperate invite. I just think its a respect thing. They are grown adults even if they are still living at home (for whatever reason) and inviting them with their parents treats those grown adults like little kids. Kinda rude IMO.
I'd say it depends how old the 'children' are. If they are still teens (even 18 or 19) I'd keep it under "mr. and mr. x and family." If they are older, like in their twenties I'd give them separate invites. I've had invites both ways. Some people will get offended and not attend. I don't mind, especially if it's family or my parent's friend's kids.
@Mrs.KMM: Not for nothing, if I graduated from college and was still living at home I would have a lot more to worry about than getting an invite not specifically addressed to me.
It would've been weird to me to get a separate invite to a wedding when I was living with my parents. I would write "The Name Family", and specify the number of people invited on the invite.
I had this same problem, although I hadn't done the math correctly and didn't order ENOUGH invitations. So what I did was if the adult children were NOT being invited with a plus-one, I just sent 1 invitation to the house for the X Family. But if the children were being invited with a plus-one (like my same age cousin who was only living at home for 3 months while her house was being built) then they got their own invitation.
I probably saved about 6 invitations by doing it this way and no one was outwardly mad about it. I also only sent one STD per household to be green which makes sense because they were magnets, so only 1 fridge per house!
I say set up another rule because 116 less invites is just crazy so I think you have a point there. It would also depend on how much they were each.
I had this happen with a few invites. I had a cousin with small kids who has temporarily moved back in with her parents. I sent 2 invites. But, if they were single and living at home I just sent one.
We sent them to the [name] family. If people had an issue with it, I didn't hear about it. I was included in my parents' "and family" invitations even when I was not living at home and engaged. I never had a problem with it.
It might be cultural though because when we were getting names for the invitations for the reception I couldn't get more than one person's name for each family unit sometimes, so they were addressed to [person's name] and family. And even though we asked people to list the names of all guests, we got plenty of response cards back like that also.
Personally I wouldn't care if I got a family invite and were living in the same house as my family. I asked some "adult" children even not living at home for addresses to send them separate invites and they told me to just include them with their parents. I guess it's obvious that I voted "per house"!
@moderndaisy: I'm also doing magnet save the dates and just consolidated the list because of the one fridge-one magnet philosophy and that was when I realized exactly how big the difference was
@nyebride: I'm doing pocketfolds so they will be pretty heavy, what we save on postage alone will be a great help
This may be a compromise. Why not decorate a white large envelope to put all of the invitations in and address it to the so-and-so family, but handwrite each person's name on the individual invites envelopes. The postage cost may be cut in half this way.
I'd say that some should get them, but I understand others should not. I think a lot of it should play a part on how independent they are.
For example, are some of them college students who may be away at school? Get their school address - college kids LOVE getting mail. Do they have full time jobs/help pay for rent? Give them their own. Do they have kids? Give them their own. Now, Joe Schmoe who just sits at home and plays xbox all day? Heee can go with parents.
@Scottielass: That's actually a really interesting middle ground, thanks muchly
@afbacher: HAHA to the xbox guy! All cousins etc. in college I'm sending to the school because that was the best, good point
I think if you are inviting them with a date then they should get their own invitation. I don't know how you would address an invitation to parents and their children plus the children's dates all on one invitation.
I tried to do separate invitations for grown children living with their parents, but I ended up regretting it. Most of them didn't send back their reply cards OR their parents put the kids names on their reply card.
That's insane!!! I would def. send out one invite per household. 5 per home is just craziness in my opinion... :/.
I am doing per household because I have a similar issue. The one exception is a woman who is about 26 and has a child and such - she has had her own house, a husband and it seemed weird to include her with her parents on an invite.
i'm gonna do per household, in the end i dont really think it matters anyway. i like to think i'm saving paper and trees
We played it by ear and sent invites to the M+D (1), the two daughters (1), and the 2 sons (1). So 3 invites for 5 people, all over the age of 16. Kids (which we're NOT having) would get lumped into the parents' invite if applicable. That's just my take.
I did college kids on their parents invites. 116 saved invitations is a LOT!
I think the more formal your wedding is, the more you kind of have to adhere to the 'rules' of etiquette, like this one. (Of course some are always important, like thank you notes.)
@MissDallasCowboy: I'm ALL ABOUT spending less when able. You're talking 116 invites!
I know my daughter's 2nd birthday party isn't a wedding by any means but we're in the same boat as you. Some of our family members are adults living under the same roof as their parents, in-laws, cousins, etc. We sent a blanket invitation to everyone in the same household if we felt it was appropriate. For example, we sent one invitation to a mother/daughter household but two invites to a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law household. We also took into account the type of people we were sending invites to. If we knew in our hearts that the invite would only serve as a piece of paper to them, they got one invite for the entire house. If the invites were going to be kept as a keepsake, we dispersed them as necessary.
I simply HATE spending extra money on something to comform to Miss Manners when I know darn well my money is heading straight to the trash bin. Miss Manners isn't around at the end of the month when my bills are due. ;) Sorry, but that's my two cents. I say use your judgment and decide on a household by household basis.
I totally cop to not knowing the Miss Manners way this should be handled. But if I ruled the world (which I clearly don't) it would be one invitation per house. If you're living under one roof, you get one invite. Period. And I fully intend to do mine that way.
Having said that, the etiquette gods are probably descending on me as I finish typing this. I'm going to stop so my laptop is spared when they smite me.
I think a household invitation makes sense, and that if a cousin is living at home and is still single letting them know that a plus one is included is definitely appropriate. I also believe that a household invitation means a household gift and a individual invitation means a individual gift. (So you can help a economically challenged guest by grouping their invitation with their household...)
I think it's fine to send one invitation per household. I've been included on an invite sent to my mom's house and I've been living on my own for about 3 years. I wasn't the least bit offended!
I think it's totally fine to send one invite per household, especially if it's clear that it is for everyone living there (ie. if you've got parents and one of their children, with that child's spouse or significant other, etc.). We sent invites that simply said Mr. & Mrs. So-and-So and Family. The RSVPs indicated who of the family is attending... simple!
Scottielass is brilliant! Her suggestion get's my vote! But I honestly wouldn't mind one invitation per address.
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I know proper etiquette says every adult should get their own invite, but this day in age is it really necessary? I feel like now, more than ever, adult "kids" are moving home after college because it's so expensive to get an apartment on their own, especially here in los angeles. I have more than a few families on our invite list where this is the case. If we send per household instead of per guest over 18 we will be able to order 116 LESS invitations! That's a lot of money we'll be able to put in other areas of the wedding!
So what do you think? Should we ignore etiquette for the sake of cost? If you were 24 and living with your parents would you be offended you didn't get your own invitation?