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I think I would just let it slide. A 2-4 week baby really isnt going to cry much, just sleep. A few months older child is much more different (louder and awake) than a newborn. With a child *that* new, they probably dont want to leave it at alone just yet and with the feeding and all if shes breast feeding and not yet on bottle routine. How close are you? Maybe you can suggest not bringing the child, but let them know its ok if they have to?
We're in the EXACT same situation, literally. They found out they were pregnant, due 1 month before our wedding, right after we sent them their save-the-date. So we couldn't uninvite them, and now we're debating whether or not we should enforce the rule and essentially disable them from coming, or let it slide and deal with "trying" to keep the baby quiet.
We're thinking we'll stick to the rule, even if it makes them angry and means they can't come. But I swear if I hear a kid screaming during our ceremony, first dance, cake cutting, etc., I am going to RAGE, so I think I'd rather not have to deal with that.
Hm. Not sure. But I am struggling with this issue internally as a guest!
My husband's cousin is getting married roughly two weeks after my due date. I'm not sure what I will do yet, if I will be up to going if I'm late. If she invites baby or not. if she does whether if we would bring baby or not.
I'm hoping my mom will be here by then bc I will feel very comfortable leaving the baby with my mom to go to the wedding. And if there was a gap between ceremony & reception that would be perfect, that way I can stop home to breastfeed/pump.
But I would NOT presume to bring my newborn if your invite clearly stated no kids.
Do they have any immediate family nearby that it would even be a possibility to leave the baby with?
I would personally let it slide. The baby may very well only be a few weeks old. If they attend, she may be breastfeeding and not be comfortable being away from the baby that long. They also may not yet be comfortable (or not found) a babysitter at that point. If this is their first child, and they have to travel, my guess is they won't attend.
They may not even attend...so I would wait till the wedding gets closer & then if they are planning on coming, having a dicussion to see if they would be comfortable with a babysitter.
Let it slide and see if you can find a Quiet roomfor if the baby gets loud/ needs to feed.
One month old babies really don't make that much noise. Just wait and see what happens. They may choose not to come. If they do come, let her know where she can take the baby if she needs privacy- some new breatsfeeding moms are not comfortable nursing in public. She can also take the baby there if it does get fussy.
I would let it slide. It is unfair to ask them to leave a month-old baby at home, especially if the mum is breastfeeding. I also think it would be u fair to have not invited them because you knew they were pregnant. I'd be pretty upset if I knew I hadn't been invited somewhere because I was having a baby. I think a baby at your reception is very different than an older child.
ugh, I am in the exact same situation as you - except the person in question is my cousin! Her baby is due one month before our wedding and I feel the baby will be too young to ask her to leave him/her home with a babysitter. But I am also worried that others will not be happy since we have been clear with other family/friends that this is a child-free wedding. And the selfish part of me is scared the baby will cry at a really awful time (e.g., walking down the aisle, in the middle of speeches) and will ruin a special moment for us. In the end, I think I am going to let it slide though, since I don't feel like I have any other real option. Sounds like you might be in a similar boat. I will keep my fingers crossed for both of us that, like others have said, the babies will just sleep most of the time and won't cry a lot.
@tink1983: if other people get pissed, that's their own issue. Leaving a 5 year old at home is much different than leaving a 3-5 week old baby - and other guests should be able to realize that.
To be honest, you probably wouldn't notice if a meteor crashed outside the building while you walk down the aisle. Music is playing, you are so caught up in the moment, that nothing can intrude on it.
There were several kids at our wedding and I don't remember any of them ever doing anything, although they probably did at some point.
Im in the same position. I do think a call is in order though. I made it known to my cousin who is going to be a month old mom at my wedding, that I would prefer there to be no kids, as it's a no kid wedding BUT, I understand that it's hard to get away at that age... but at the same time I told her flat out I'm sorry but since it's a no-kid wedding there will be no kid/ baby freidnly accomodations for you and the little one. I'm not turning down the music, or making ppl hush hush over sleeping baby... She was accepting and understanding pointing out she would try to not have the baby there. So it's really her choice if she wants to have a baby in a lound, drunken environment.
Honestly, I would let it slide. I have been to several other weddings that were "no kids" but a couple had a newborn. I think bringing a newborn is much different than bringing a baby that is several months old. I also think that most people view that much differently, at least I do.
I would tell them that you're having an adults only reception. I think it's fine for them to either make the decision to leave their kid with a sitter or miss your wedding.
Its kinda rude of that couple to assume they can bring their 1 month but I would make the exception as the baby is probably too young to be left at home. I know it probably isn't your first choice but if you want the mother to attend you might have to let it slide. I can tell your day is a blur and you probably won't notice the baby is even there.
Let it slide the baby, will only be a month old. Its not like you have to pay for a plate for the child. Plus the mother may not feel comfortable with a sitter yet. We allowed children at our wedding and it was the best decision, families were so grateful to be able to have there children attend our wedding. Plus the kids made for a great atmosphere.
Thanks Bees for all the responses! I've talked to my FI about this as well as my Mom and I think we're going to let it slide.
Because we didn't have "Adults Only" posted anywhere on the invite or website I think it was reasonable for the couple to assume their baby could come with as he is so little.
Thanks for all the ideas about finding a private room. This is a great idea! I think I have a bridal party room at the reception spot so I'll mention it to her in case her baby needs to nurse. Sadly, nothing at the ceremony spot except a room in a different building.
I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one dealing with this issue. Who knew guests lists could be so hard?
A baby that age can't be away from a nursing mom long enough for mom to attend a wedding. So, I think that if you want this couple at the wedding then you must allow the baby to come with. A baby that young will likely sleep or nurse through the entire thing.
We had an "adults only" reception and had 3 babies under 2 months (one is a niece). 4 other nephews/nieces who were in the wedding. And then 6 kids who traveled from Paris to San Francisco who were family. I never heard a word from those who left kids at home or couldn't find babysitters and couldn't come. But it was a hard compromise for me, so I feel your pain.
We attended a no kid wedding last May and one couple brought their three week old baby. I don't remember hearing of anyone complaining that they couldn't bring their kids, I think it was pretty much understood. A baby that young isn't much of a fuss and needs the mother on a regular basis.
If you fight it they likely won't be able to come so if you really want them there I would let it slide.
I also don't think your guests will blame you-- if anything I think people that bring kids to a "no kids" wedding (specified or not) make themselves look bad instead of the bride/groom.
I'm in the same situation, we're sticking to no kids, at all. If we let one come, then the others who get sitters will be peeved.
My MOH is due 2 days after our wedding date, and if she has the baby, we decided that her husband will be in the bridal room with him and she will be going back and forth. I offered to hire a sitter (I'm in childcare and work with newborns, so I do know excellent people), but her husband offered to do this before I talked to her, so it's what they want. But who knows... she could be in labor on the wedding day.
1 month old baby will probably be really quiet and not even bother anyone.. if it was a 6month old then i'd worry ..
I'm happy to see you've decided to let it slide. I initially didn't want kids at our wedding, but I think it's really unreasonable to tell a mother of a newborn who is still breastfeeding that they aren't allowed to come. Some other responses about sticking to it or having the mom go back and forth between the wedding and where the baby is just seem extreme to me, a one month old is not going to be a disturbance, if other guests with kids choose to get upset over it they're just lacking in common sense, and I just think it's extremely unrealistic to expect a new mom to leave her child, most (not all, but most) breastfeeding moms physically couldn't be away from them for the whole night.
I woult def let it slide for that.
I would look at it from their point of view its a new baby (presumably first) and to be seperated while your still recoving yourself wouldnt be in eithers best interest.
I would speak with the ones who weren't allowed to bring children, and explain the situation honestly.
A few week old baby will sleep the entire time, and probably only wake up to eat. Most people should be able to understand that a breastfeeding infant at a wedding is a different scenario than a 5 year old who would probably rather stay home and watch Cars anyway.
I really don't think you have anything to worry about. My sister had a baby girl roughly 3 weeks before our at home Adults only reception and I wasn't about to turn my newborn niece away (she was the only exception) and she slept most of the time. She did not cry once and everyone loved her.
@Wonderstruck: This is ultimately what we concluded. Asking a mother to leave her child who is under one month old seemed more and more ridiculous the more I thought about it.
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Hi Bees! While there are several ongoing nightmares with the guest list I am puzzled as to what to do with this one.
We invited a couple who we knew were pregnant to our wedding. I'm not sure we were aware how far along they were when we invited them. Their due date is roughly a month before our wedding.
They recently RSVPed saying they would be delighted to come and that they would try to keep their baby quiet. The thing is, we aren't having any other children at the ceremony or reception. Other guests have been informed as to this when they asked about bringing their kids. It wasn't too much of an issue as we only know a few people with kids. BUT nowhere did we put on our website or the invitations that it was an Adults Only reception. I felt that to do so would not be in the best taste.
So now I'm not sure what to tell this couple. Their baby will only be one month, maybe not even if he ends up being a late baby. My gut instinct is to let it slide. Can you even leave a baby that small?
BUT on the other hand, we have two groomsmen that were not allowed to bring their kids (who are older but not by much).
My mother told me today that if we knew they were pregnant and didn't want kids at the reception then we shouldn't have invited them to the wedding. Maybe this is so but I wasn't really thinking about the kids thing when we issued the invitation.
What is the proper thing to do?