Post # 1
All of our guests our age went to college together and are GOOD friends. Recently 4 of our male friends asked if they could bring guests to our wedding. They are all wildly single. We are inviting live-in SOs only (and obviosly engaged and married partners). I feel kind of insulted by the question of being able to bring a +1 as if I am being cheap. Why would I want to pay for strage girls to come to my wedding who I have never met and will probably never see again because they will not be around after my reception!? We are one of the first of our friends to get marrried, so maybe they don’t realize, but 20+ casual dates would mean thousands of dollars more for us. It is just SO rude!
Sorry, I’m trying to vent this out so I don’t burst at the seams!
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
I understand why you are upset, but at least they have the courtesy to ask. In a lot of circles, bringing a date is a given so I don’t think it is too unreasonable of them to ask if they can bring a date. Of course, you have the right to politely say no, but I don’t think it’s rude if you’re single to want to bring a date! Like you said, they probably don’t realize the added expense of that many single people bringing dates.
Just as an aside, we gave everyone on our guest list +1s, and out of 125 people invited, only 3 singles showed up with dates.
Post # 4
I absolutely understand where you’re coming from! And chances are, since you said you’re the first of the group to be married, that they don’t know how much money that’d end up being. I think its an honest question, but you’ll have to give them the honest answer. Tell them something like- you hate to be a stick in the mud but you guys just can’t swing it, the budget it tight and you’ve already told several other guests that they can’t bring someone. Luckily, they’re all friends so its not as if they’ll be there all alone. If that were the case, I’d consider letting them bring a guest or else the chances of them wanting to attend may diminish (who wants to be the only one that doesn’t know someone?).
Post # 5
They’ve already asked you? Your wedding is after mine and no one’s even recognized the fact that we’re getting married! For now, tell them that due to budget constraints, you can’t offer anyone a plus one who isn’t engaged or married. Say teh wedding is very far away and that could change, but for now that’s your answer. And it is nice and perfectly acceptable of them to ask instead of just writing someone else’s name on teh reply card even though it says “We have reserved 1 seat in your honor”.
Post # 6
Thank you – I feel calmer already. I didn’t even think about them just bringing people without asking! I’m so glad I can now prepare for that possibility and avoid having a look of absolute panic on my face.
I mean, it isn’t so much being against having their random dates at my wedding, but there are people we would love to invite but can’t and to end up paying for one of their girls of the night would just really hurt. Maybe it is regional or cultural to assume you can bring a date. Now I have that to worry about…! Kidding. But thanks, for all your wise words!
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s rude to ask either. You’re absolutely entiteled to say no and that’s not rude either! However, from their point of view, the reception portion of your wedding is a party, you’re throwing a party at which you will not spending any time with them, of course they’d like to bring a date to a fancish party, that’s a great date opportunity. Budgets are budgets though so tough luck for them.
Post # 8
I’m worried about this too. We are trying to determine our “standard” rules. I have friends who have SO’s but we;ve never met them. We also have others who are on and off again. Then we have others who aren’t in relationships.
I think I may talk to a few of them individually to see their thoughts. Ultimately though, they likely won’t be invited with a plus one if they aren’t in a relationship.
Good thing the guys asked!