1 week till the wedding and fighting!!! :(

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@2013septemberbride:  I want to start off by saying that birthdays are important, because at least one person needs to aknowledge and show that they’re happy you were born each year, but at the same time, a person can only take so much.

He doesn’t have to ask permission to go pick someone up, even if it happens to be on your birthday, because that certainly isn’t his fault, he’s not in control of that in the least.  He may have comitted to picking this person up before the dates were set or had something planned for your birthday that you aren’t aware of, either way, fighting over it is silly.

If he’s not down for the romantic dinner, why not go treat yourself to a night out with the girls?  Or something with your Mom…or isn’t your rehearsal dinner like, the next day anyway…? 

That’s a lot of stuff to do in one weekend, why not celebrate early?

Post # 5
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Is this a really good friend that is coming for the wedding? Has your FI not seen this really good friend in a while? In that case, I don’t think it’s crazy for him to want to pick up his friend. But if this is just one guest out of over a hundred then I think this friend can figure out his own way to your venue.

Can you compromise and do a belated birthday dinner after the wedding, when things are less crazy? Maybe you can make him do an elaborate birthday day to make up for the fact that you have to wait.

Wedding planning is really stressful. FI and I had a big stupid fight two days before our wedding. I would try to calm down and be the bigger person because you’re probably fighting more out of stress than anything right now. You can yell at him if you’re still pissed a few days after the wedding, =).

Post # 6
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@2013septemberbride:  …I guess it comes down to that age old conundrum of wondering if pursuing this argument to its end will benefit you in any way…being married isn’t about keeping score or counting, and honestly, if there’s slack and one of us gets it handled, its a win…..

Look for a solution to the problem where both of you win, or prepare for a frosty lead up to your nuptuals, because in a year, it won’t matter anyway.

Post # 8
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@2013septemberbride:  I totally get your point and, to be honest, I would’ve gotten annoyed too if I were in your shoes. But, I just think it’s a bad idea to talk about anything serious right before the wedding because small disagreements inevitably blow up into ginormous you-are-the-worst-person-i’ve-ever-known fights. (I’m speaking from experience.) Things are just too busy and stressful leading up to the wedding! 

Post # 9
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@2013septemberbride:  I think the reason anything is bothering either of you as much as it is is because you are getting married in a week.  This is going to stress you out and use up a lot of emotional resources.  Humans can only handle so much!!

Post # 11
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Why does he have to ask though? I don’t think he should need permission to go somewhere. I’m assuming a 3 hour can drive is very expensive so it makes sense that he would be willing to pick them up.

That being said, I do understand the stress of the final few weeks and it would have been nice if he had mentioned it earlier (not asked but mentioned it). I think you should still have time to organize some kind of dinner for your friends though?

Post # 12
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

I don’t get it. This:

I mean… really?? on my birthday?? Any other day I would’ve been ok with it, but for real? on my B-day??

doesn’t jibe with this:

I do think birthdays are kind of lame

You’ve most likely had all these wonderful moments and experiences lately, leading up to this huge momentous wonderful experience and I do think it’s kind of petty to make a big deal about your birthday. But, that’s coming from someone who wants to vomit anytime I hear anyone over 12 talking about their birthday so, take it with a grain of salt.  (I’m a bartender and I’m seriously disturbed by the number of over-40 people I hear saying *do you want to come to my birthday party?*)

Post # 16
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@2013septemberbride:  Okay, well I will be the only one to agree with you. Yes, I think this is completely rude. I feel that you and your needs should come first and be a priority to your partner. There is not a chance in hell that my FI would consider doing anything other than being with me on my birthday, our anniversary, or any other day that held meaning for us.

What’s the point of having a life partner if you don’t come first? An airport pick up? Really? Take a taxi, it’s his future wife’s birthday and she is the priority. You don’t like it? Too bad. My opinion on this topic is never the most popular but it’s how we run our relationship and it works well for us. I just wanted you to know that someone does agree with you!

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