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I am so sorry that you are going through this. Stay strong and I'm glad to hear that you have family at your side.
You're an amazing, strong woman!!! Good for you for moving forward with your life. I'm sorry that it wasn't something that you and your ex-husband were able to work out, but I see the importance of leaving a cocaine addict, as I was with one for 5 years in my late teens/early twenties.
I am so sorry to hear about this. I know first hand also what drugs cn do to people. I hope you fully recover from this.
I agree with Ryansgirl...you're amazing for staying with him and trying to stick by him with this habit. You're very strong for moving on with your life and realizing that he's the only one who can want to change. I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this, but hang in there!
I'm so sorry. Everything you're going through is bound to be hard, but you've done the hardest: leaving. I hope nothing but the best for you.
I am so sorry to hear this. I know of a few relationships that drugs have ended... You made the right choice.
This makes me so sad for you. My mother was an addict and ruined my and my sister's life with her drug addictions. I think you are amazing and strong for making such a difficult decision. I think it's wonderful that you're able to stay with your mother and lean on your family during this difficult time - do not be afraid to ask for help!
Thank you everyone. You're so sweet.
I fought it for a long long time. Always thinking about the adorable children we'd have "someday". But enough is enough.
To quote the great Samantha Jones from Sex and the City: "I love you, but I love me more"
After reading Ms Candy Corn's post back in Feb. (right after I found out about the drugs) I thought that she was so strong and so smart. Better to part now than 10/20/30 years from now. I really thank Candy Corn for writing that post. It really helped me see where I would possible (probably) be if he didn't get it together. And here I am.
Im so sorry to hear about his drug problem but glad to hear the you have a strong enough heart, soul and mind to get out while you can. I could never imagine what you are going though but feel better knowing this didnt go on for longer 10/20/30 more years, where kids may have been involved etc.
You are in my thoughts!
You are so strong! i'm sorry that you are are going through this - but I hope you come out a stronger person on the other side!!
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through such a painful situation. You really are so strong! It sounds like you've really done the right thing for yourself, your well being, and your future. Hang in there! Don't be afraid to lean on your family, friends, and the hive for support.
You have two posts on this, and I wrote this on the other one. I am also posting it here because I want to make sure you see it.
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. You should be very proud of yourself for doing what you have tried to do and have done for him. Sometimes, the person has to hit rock bottom before they see the light. Hopefully, you moving forward will make him see the light and he will get his life straight. Just remember that you have done nothing wrong. He is the one at fault and you are doing exactly the right thing by moving on.
I wish you only the best and much happiness in your future. You are strong and you will endure. {{{hugs}}}
Not sure how I did 2 posts....whoops! Been a long time since I've posted on here. I'll delete one.
But I love you all for your support!
This is so sad to hear. You are such a strong person for dealing with it as long as you did and for being brave enough to say goodbye. *hugs*
I'm terribly sorry you are having to go through this... but you are making the right decision.
You gave me the chills. I cannot express how sorry I am that you are going through this. You're in my thoughts.
Oh dear. I'm so sorry. My SO was addicted to heroin during his early twenties, before I knew him. I believe he was a totally different person then. Recovery and rehab when he was ready was the only thing that changed him. He used to lie and steal money too and it's hard for me to imagine how desperate he was.
At one point in our relationship, he broke his neck and was put on painkillers. Painkillers are essentially heroin in legal form. He became addicted and it strained our relationship like you would not believe for a few months. Or maybe you would. He snuck pills, lied about how many he was taking, and I was really worried that we would split up over this. At one point I told him it was either me or the pills and that I would do everything I could to help him get past it but that I would not live that way anymore. Luckily we got through it but it was hard and looking back, there was a lot of fear on my part that he'd revert to his old lifestyle. I think the thing that got us through was that he remembered what life was like as a junkie, what rehab was like, what moving away from everyone he loved was like, what prison was like, and compared it to what life with me was like.
I completely understand the trust issues, just remember that right now, he is not dictating his life but his addiciton is. It doesn't make it any easier on you and if you need to separate, that's completely understandable. If he's ready, and only when he's ready, checking into a rehabilitation center is a wonderful option to help him. Addicts, whether long or short term need to come to grips with their reality and learn to take responsibility and control of their lives one day at a time. He probably feels no control and likely feels terrible about what he's done to you and your relationship. There's just this thing in his life that's bigger than both of you and until he deals with it, he will not be the same person.
I really wish you all the best and if you ever need to talk, please PM me. A junkie isn't ready to get better until they've hit rock bottom but that doesn't mean you need to bottom out with them.
I'm sorry that happened to you. You will be better off without him and put yourself first no matter what (hugs).
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I do think you're doing the right thing. You've tried to help and every time you reach out to him, he is putting you into a worse situation. It's one thing to be supportive, it's enough to start compromising your life, health, and shelter to someone you can't trust. <3
This may seem like an odd thing to say - but, CONGRATULATIONS for putting your safety and yourself first. So few of us do that - especially when it comes to relationships. You sound like such a strong and intelligent woman - someone who will be able to go through this whole situation and come out an even STRONGER person. *hugs*
Wishing you the best in your relationship. It sounds like he is not ready to put his past behind him. You have tried to help him but he's not ready for that. You do need to put yourself first! Best luck working on you and who you are in all this!
Thankyou for posting this, I can't imagine how you are feeling but I'm heartened by your obvious strength and wisdom. My relationship before DH was with a man who was addicted to a bunch of stuff (alcohol, pot, gambling, although he'd try any drug put in front of him) and probably had bipolar (undiagnosed and untreated) on top of it. I was madly in love, when he wasn't like that he was amazing and our relationship was wonderful. I spent 2.5 years trying to fix his problems, only to finally realise he didn't want to be fixed. He didn't love me or himself enough to want to do anything about it. It really hurt but I left knowing I'd done what I could and I wasn't capable of doing anymore. You learn a lot of lessons from relationships like that! Wishing you all the best as you move through the next stage.
I'm so sorry to that this happened to you. I can't imagine what you went through. But you are very strong and I admire your will and faith to stick with it for as long as possible to make it work (I'm not sure if I would have lasted as long as you did).
I wish you the best and hope that your pain will be healed as time passes.
that is a very sad end to a 7 year relationship but i have nothing but admiration from u to break away now before u broke u spirit even more.. so sorry things ended this way though. Big hug and much love to you. x
You did the best thing possible. He is the one that has to live with himself.
You can't fix someone..Only the addict can fix themselves.
Stay strong
I applaud you for being strong enough to know you had to leave. Especially before you had children. Addiction is so hard because you love the person and they are suffering, so you stay, but after awhile, you are just loving the disease that destroyed the person you loved. I hope he can get help but I think it's a testament to your strength that you took such a brave step to salvage your life.
I am so sorry to be responding so late in this post, but I just wanted to say you are amazing and so strong! Thanks for the sweet words about my post back in February. It was hard to ask for a divorce knowing my husband needed my help, but it was even harder being in a relationship with someone who didn't love himself, which in the end meant he couldn't love me. He immediately diverted back to drugs and alcoholism and sleezing around after we parted, so it became apparent to me that he wasn't going to change anytime soon without a lot of time to himself, therapy and medication. I'm glad you had the courage to put yourself first and think of what was best for you and even him. You are a strong gal and will have an amazing life and just grow stronger from all of this. I can't believe how similar our stories are. If you ever want to chat, I'm on gchat all the time (youwannatalkjive) and can lend an ear or two if you need it ;) xo, Candy Corn
I'm so sorry for you, but I also truly admire you. It takes a lot of strength to do what you are doing.
Addicts have to hit bottom before they can get better, and you are doing the right thing for not just you, but him, too. If you keep handing him things like jobs and money, well...he had no chance of getting better.
Good luck.
While, I can't completely relate to this tragic tale, I can somewhat relate to it. I had a roommate that was very similar to your (ex)husband. It was awful. There was nothing I could do to help him, and the trust just wasn't there.
It's no fun living with someone you cannot trust...I can't imagine what it's like being married to someone like that.
You seem like a great person and I'm sure you will come out of this a better, stronger woman!
This story is heartbreaking:( I don't know you but I'm super proud of you for leaving him!!! It must of been very difficult.
What a sad story. Good for you for being strong enough to leave him. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
You are doing the right thing. I am sure you are hurting, but it will get better. Best wishes to you.
This is truly terrible this happened :( Its unfair how drugs can do that to even the best of people. Nobody deserves this. You are absolutely doing the right thing, though- for yourself and for him. In between the bad moments, I hope you can be proud of yourself for doing the right thing.
I'm responding late, just looking through old posts and I saw this one, and had to respond. I left an ex who had a drug problem too. And it ended up being so much worse than I even knew....it turned out he was dealing at the time, lying to me, and I found out that shortly after i left him his house was broken into. He was playing with death. If he or I was there we could have been killed. Really! Such a wake-up call. And I had NO IDEA. We were not together for long, so I can't even imagine what it's like for you. But it just reminded me how important it is to have the courage to stand up for ourselves, and "love ourselves more".
I'm sorry you have to go through it but you absolutely made the right decision. You got out with your life! I didn't realize until months after the relationship ended (when I heard about the break-in) that I was lucky I did....it's too great a risk for anyone to have to take. And those of us who have been unknowingly with users (and god knows what else they're getting into, by the way), are taking more of a risk than we signed up for.
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After 7 years together (10 months of those married), I’m getting divorced.
Back in February (2 days after Valentine’s Day, actually) he told me he’d been doing cocaine for the past 6-8 months. Money had disappeared out of my wallet (I’m talking HUNDREDS here) and he said he didn’t know what happened to it. Swore up and down he had nothing to do with it. Pretty much made me think I was going insane. I didn’t speak to my best friend for a month after she told me “he’s doing drugs or something. This just doesn’t add up”. Bills weren’t getting paid. He wasn’t working or even trying to find work. He was moody; I thought it was just depression from being out of work.
I stayed. I couldn’t leave him after he’d asked for help. I drug tested him regularly, paid off the people he owed, kept his secret from a lot of people.
On July 8th he no showed to a job I got him through the company I work for (a staffing agency). He told me he’d gone to work. I packed him a lunch and kissed him goodbye that morning. I got home and he told me what a great day he’d had. Then I got the call from a co-worker. Saying he hadn’t shown up and she was firing him.
I filed for divorce the following Tuesday. Nothing had changed. He wasn’t trying to find work. I HANDED him a good job and he blew it off. Money wasn’t disappearing but that didn’t fix the MAJOR trust issue.
The following Friday (his 26th birthday) he tells me that we received a 72-hour notice to vacate. After calling the landlord I learned that he hadn’t paid June OR July rent. I’d handed him the money to pay it. He has no answer for where the money went. I am now paying off the past due rent in order to avoid being sued. I’m 27 and living with my mother until the place I found is ready. All of my things are in storage.
He ruined everything. I did everything in my power to make it work. Stayed with him after I knew about the drugs because I thought I could fix it. I thought he loved me enough to do what he needed to do to keep me. I was wrong.
So ladies, I know that there are people out there that can come back from a drug problem. In no way am I saying if there’s a problem kick him to the curb. I did what I felt in my heart was the right thing to do. I don’t regret that. But just know, cocaine (drugs in general), have the ability to ruin a strong 7 year relationship with your best friend. And there’s nothing worse than feeling like he didn’t love you enough to get it together.