(Closed) 10 months in and it’s over. (Long!, sorry!)

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Are you sure you’re ready to be done? I can understand seperating/divorcing so he doesn’t drag you under financially and emotionally, but if he turns around will there be no chance of reconcilliation?

 

Post # 4
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so incredibly sorry that you’re dealing with this.  (((hugs)))

Post # 6
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. You should be very proud of yourself for doing what you have tried to do and have done for him. Sometimes, the person has to hit rock bottom before they see the light. Hopefully, you moving forward will make him see the light and he will get his life straight. Just remember that you have done nothing wrong. He is the one at fault and you are doing exactly the right thing by moving on.

I wish you only the best and much happiness in your future. You are strong and you will endure. {{{hugs}}}

Post # 7
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee

Oh dear. I’m so sorry. My SO was addicted to heroin during his early twenties, before I knew him. I believe he was a totally different person then. Recovery and rehab when he was ready was the only thing that changed him. He used to lie and steal money too and it’s hard for me to imagine how desperate he was.

At one point in our relationship, he broke his neck and was put on painkillers. Painkillers are essentially heroin in legal form. He became addicted and it strained our relationship like you would not believe for a few months. Or maybe you would. He snuck pills, lied about how many he was taking, and I was really worried that we would split up over this. At one point I told him it was either me or the pills and that I would do everything I could to help him get past it but that I would not live that way anymore. Luckily we got through it but it was hard and looking back, there was a lot of fear on my part that he’d revert to his old lifestyle. I think the thing that got us through was that he remembered what life was like as a junkie, what rehab was like, what moving away from everyone he loved was like, what prison was like, and compared it to what life with me was like.

I completely understand the trust issues, just remember that right now, he is not dictating his life but his addiciton is. It doesn’t make it any easier on you and if you need to separate, that’s completely understandable. If he’s ready, and only when he’s ready, checking into a rehabilitation center is a wonderful option to help him. Addicts, whether long or short term need to come to grips with their reality and learn to take responsibility and control of their lives one day at a time. He probably feels no control and likely feels terrible about what he’s done to you and your relationship. There’s just this thing in his life that’s bigger than both of you and until he deals with it, he will not be the same person.

I really wish you all the best and if you ever need to talk, please PM me. A junkie isn’t ready to get better until they’ve hit rock bottom but that doesn’t mean you need to bottom out with them.

Post # 8
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

First off, I would like to offer my sincere apologies and lots of hugs for what you are going through. I’ve been through/going through a situation similar to yours. Not with my FI but with another close family member and I for one know that dealing with a love one with an addiction is not easy. All I can really say is it sounds like you did your best to help him and that’s all you can do. You can’t help him any more if he doesn’t want to help his self. Take some much needed time for yourself at this point. Think about what’s really important to you and take care of yourself. If there’s any slim chance of reconciliation between you two, I wish you the best. Either way, I’ll keep you in my thoughts. ((((BIG Hugs))))

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