Post # 1
I have been married nearly 8 months, so not even close to ready have a child. We might not even have one of our own to be honest. My DH has two sons that live with us, currently 7 and 8 years old. If we decide to have a child, it won’t be for another year or two. Concerned with a 10 or more year age difference. Any thoughts or experience with this? I’ve heard they can still bond, but afraid we will have the two out the door and still be going to elementary school plays!!!
Post # 3
It depends, but it shouldn’t be a big deal.
FI’s sister is 10 years older than him and then his brother is 1 1/2 years older than him and his sister is 7 1/2 years younger than him.
He is closer to his sister who is 10 years older than him than he is his other two siblings. Things have come up that kind of made him distance himself from his brother and younger sister, but even if that hadn’t happened he would still be closest to his older sister. She was always good with the kids and he is most similar to her in personality.
Their personalities just click, his other siblings are very different… I think that if the kids will get along the age difference doesn’t really matter. =)
Post # 4
I was a surprise baby – all my siblings are 15 to 22 years older than me! None of them really were like siblings, more like additional parents. It was grand at holidays though!
I have friends who are their second or third marriages with kids 10 or so years apart. Usually the kids are crazy about each other, but they don’t play together like siblings are are closer in age.
Post # 5
Two of my cousins are 8 years apart, so a similar gap to what you’re talking about. My aunt said that her eldest got to have his own time before his younger brother was born, and because of the age gap they always had their own friends and did their own thing. She said that now her youngest son is 21, the boys are actually socialising together now, which is nice.
A friend of mine has a 10 year old and is due with her second bub in June. By all accounts her son is over the moon and can’t wait for his little brother. He’s more excited than his parents!
Post # 6
I am 8 years older than my oldest brother; 12 years older than the next one; 13 years older than the last.
Yes, our bond is certainly different than it would have been if we’d gone through childhood together, but I still love my brothers very much and, honestly, am extremely grateful to have siblings that much younger than me… it gives me hope that I won’t go through my own later years alone & without a sort of…connection to my own childhood/parents/those who have gone before… (selfish, I guess). There’s just something comforting about it.
Plus, having siblings so much younger has helped me to really extend the joy of my own childhood. I got to “believe” in Santa until I was like 18! 🙂 It’s been wonderful having such younger siblings.
Post # 7
I have two half brothers in their 50s (I am 20). They don’t at all feel like brothers, but it is quite the age difference!
My “whole” brother is 13 years older than me. I loved it when he was living at home the first 5 years of my life. It was fun having a big brother. When he was in college he still came home for the holidays and we had fun together. I also think he really enjoyed it too – especially when I was little.
When I got older though and he had his girlfriend (now wife), he spent less time at my parents’ and we grew apart. There just isn’t a lot to have in common with a 14 year old and a 27 year old, you know?
Even now I would say I feel more like an only child. My brother feels like family, but not as close as a sibling. It’s sort of strange.
With that said, it isn’t something I would be concerned with if I were you. It’s not like having a much older brother damaged me. I like it just fine! But I don’t think you can’t necessarily expect the close sibling relationship that many siblings share. There is a still a lot of fun to be had though.
Post # 8
I’m in the same boat. Our daughter will be 10 this year and that’s the absolute minimum age difference we’ll have between her and our next child. I think it will make the relationship different than it might have been if our kids were very close in age, but there’s no controlling for closeness, even with siblings who aren’t far apart age-wise. I’m a few years younger than my brother and I haven’t spoken to him in years, nor will I.
I think the really great thing about this kind of difference is that the older sibling can genuinely be involved and excited in the upcoming arrival. Kids this age can understand what’s happening, they can help out with the baby, and they don’t end up going through life constantly ‘competing’ for the same clothes/toys/friends, etc like some close in age siblings do. My daughter used to tell me regularly that she never wanted a younger sibling – now she begs us every day and talks about how excited she’ll be to be a big sister. I’m sure there will be some jealousy and adjustment going from 10+ years of only child life to having a sibling, but I think in some ways I’m glad for the age difference.
Post # 9
These boys are rubbing my belly and praying for a sister!
they have 3 half-brothers from their mom… 16, 12 and 3 years old. But they don’t get to see them often.
Post # 10
I have sisters who are 2, 10, 13, and 15 years younger. Surprisingly, I’m closest to the one who is 13 years younger. So, I really don’t think age makes any difference.
Post # 11
My daughters are 8 years apart and they have a great relationship. The older one loves to take care of the little one and they play well together. I do think it helps that they are the same gender. Here they are on our last vacation-
Post # 12
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
I’m 9 years younger than my brother. Mom says he loved me as a baby but as soon as I started to talk I was the most annoying thing in the world! It was rough on me when he moved out, but now that we’re both adults we have a great relationship 🙂
Post # 13
My youngest sister and I are 10 years apart.
Although we grew up a bit differently, I get a long with her great. More so then with my other sister where there is a 2 year difference.
She is such an amazing person and always great to be around. I know I am going to cry at her highschool graduation. She will be going to Cal State East Bay, which is so far away from me! 🙁
Post # 14
I am 10 years older than my youngest brother and we have an INCREDIBLY close bond. Sometimes I feel like I was more maternal than sisterly to him growing up. But I’m sure it can go either way. If the older siblings are prepared for a new baby, they should be just fine.
Post # 15
I understand your concern that they won’t have a close bond, but honestly I don’t see much difference in their relationship based on age whether they were 8 years apart, or 10, or 12. They’re already never going to be in school at the same time as each other and won’t be in the same childhood phase together, so I wouldn’t put pressure on yourself to try to get them as close together as you can.
Post # 16
I am 25, my brother is 40 (this year in October.)
I did not meet my brother until I was rougly 5 years old. He had an abusive father who abducted him from our mother when they (He & my other brother) were very young. My eldest brother (40) reconnected with our mother when he joined the Army and was able to contact her via our grandmother.
My brother and I have no relationship. We did when I was a kid, but as I got older, we drifted a lot. He and I rarely speak unless we have to, and I find him unbearable.
Our other brother is 35-ish years old, maybe a bit older. I did not meet him until I was 9 or so, and we didn’t get along at first. Now we have a rather good relationship, although I do not go out of my way to contact him as he has made some poor life choices that have affected me directly as well as our mother.
So, it can work. Just don’t expect miracles.