My family is very graciously throwing me a bridal shower. I recently found out what the theme is.......and it is NOT MY STYLE. it is very cutesy and ostentatious, and I am very simple and classic. I feel terrible, but I'm dreading it. One thing I'm big on is not embarassing people and I feel the potential for being embarassed during my shower are high. I don't want to walk in there looking all nice and sweet in my new dress that I picked out especially for the occassion and be forced to wear silly props and items that make me feel weird and like people are laughing at me. Obviously, I have some of my own issues, but people who know me know this about me......I just kinda feel like the people throwing the shower weren't thinking about me and my style and personality when they chose this theme....it's kinda obvious to me that they picked something they would like. But when they had their showers, I adapted myself to their styles to throw them showers they would enjoy and that reflected their interests. I know there's nothing I can do about it and I'll just go and put on a smile and have a good time, but does anyone else thinks it's a little weird that someone would throw you a shower with a theme that has nothing to do with what you like? It doesn't help that I already feel like the black sheep of the family....but I thought at least for MY bridal shower, someone would do something that I'd like.
Maybe they really don't know what you would like. Even the most well-meaning family can be clueless. I'm sure they didn't intentionally pick a theme that you wouldn't like. Like you I would prefer not to wear any "silly props" either, but if I were in your position (and don't think I won't be when it's my turn for a shower!) I'd try my best to be a good sport. If you are really uncomfortable with anything they might want you to wear or do during the shower, I would raisethese concerns before the shower. It's too late once the guests have arrived. You will only look like the ungrateful bad guy if you make a scene at that point.
The decorations aren't what is most important. Enjoy that your friends and family have gathered in you honor and have a great time!
I feel your pain. Somehow the process of celebrating the bride has become most undignified. Like I seriously want to walk around a bar in a veil covered with tiny plastic penises? Come on. I don't want any stupid games or stupid hats or to bore the other guests to death by forcing them to watch me open gifts for two hours. Why can't we just have a nice, simple lunch with a group of women we love and respect?
Like Soon2BeMrsC, I don't think the family did this intentionally to give you a shower in a style you wouldn't like. It could be that the women hosting your shower are doing a "cutesy" shower theme because that's what they see at every bridal shower they attend - most of them are cutesy with ridiculous games. If you think they might be planning annoying shower games and you'll be embarrassed, tell them well in advance that you're a little nervous about being the center of attention at the shower and you're hoping to keep things a little more low-key to calm yourself a little. I wouldn't tell them that the style they've picked for the shower is "not you" and that you'd like them to change the entire theme. They're being generous in throwing you a shower, and telling them to change the theme that you don't like will make you come across as a bit ungrateful. Don't stress about the things you can't control, be appreciative of the work you're doing, and let yourself enjoy being with guests you enjoy at the shower.
I agree with Caroline. I just had my bachelorette party and had to wear a penis crown, boa and drink out of penis straws. I looked ridiculous! Luckily there was plenty of alcohol there for me to forget about it and it ended up being a great time! They are being nice throwing the shower for you and maybe if you tell them beforehad what you really want they can make the appropriate changes. I actually told the girls I didn't want to wear a penis veil, but never mentioned a crown, etc., you never really know what is going to happen. In the end just try and enjoy it and remember this only happens once in a lifetime.
A penis crown and veil? Wow. I agree with the first post. I don't think they are throwing this shower to embarrass you, and usually people try to center their theme around the bride's personality or throw a fairly generic or non-specific shower. If they don't know what you like, it's too bad that they didn't ask, but it is the thought that counts. There's really not much you can do about it since the plans have already been set in motion and it would be really mean to say something about it. Just try not to feel too offended - it seems like they mean well. You might end up having a really good time.
Although the shower may not be your style I truly think you'll have fun. I recently graduated from law school and my parents wanted to throw me a party. Because I was in finals, I didn't have time to supervise anything so I just told my mom what sort of party I wanted. I'm the kind of person who knows exactly what I like and what I don't like so I gave my mom a lot of options and suggestions. Well, in the end my mom pretty much did the opposite of everything I wanted and/or liked, (I won't get into the details). At first I was kind of mad because it did not at all represent my style or who I am, it was totally my mom. But the thing is, after all was said and done, I had SO MUCH FUN. At the end of the night I was just so overwhelmed that my mom went through so much trouble to make me happy, (in her own way). I think it'll be the same for you. Just remember that everything done for you is out of love and not to make you unhappy. Just try to have fun.
I have to agree with the previous posts. Your friends are probably doing this because this is what they feel a shower should be. But the fact remains, they are doing a lot of work to plan these festivities to honour you and "shower" you with gifts (and love)! So you may have to be gracious and see the day for what it is: an outpouring of love at a party thrown for you by other people.
If you have reservations or concerns about it, speak up before the shower, as soon as possible. I like the suggestion of loveatfirstsitelover, to mention that you want something low-key to avoid being the centre of attention, but DO NOT tell them the shower theme is not "you".
I'm thinking it was probably not intentional....but I understand your concern! For every shower I've had, the hostesses asked what kind of theme I wanted, if any! They probably just thought it would be cute and/or funny or whatever....I'd just go with it. I had serious reservations about a family shower thrown for me and while it wasn't ideal, it ended up being a lot nicer than I thought......
Thanks for the support guys! I appreciate all the great advice. I'm just going to grin and bear it and have a good time. I'm not even going to get upset that one of the sisters-in-law throwing the shower just found she is pregnant and told my mother she "can't wait" till the shower so she can announce to everyone else that she's pregnant. Oh yeah, and my mom thinks this is a great idea......
oh yeah, i had foreseen something similar happening with me. so i told my bridesmaids very clearly that i absolutely DETEST DETEST DETEST bridal shower games (i.e. toilet paper bride and any other typical crafts-type or question games). thankfully, my words didn't fall on deaf ears :)
novbride....thanks! You make me feel like I'm not just being picky and that my opinion actually should matter a little bit. Even still, I know that if I say anything, they'll attack me, so oh well. But you are AWESOME for sticking up for yourself! I envy your bravery!
Oh, I can completely understand (from a BM point of view.) Different brides like celebration in different ways. I was a BM to a friend that told me SPECIFICALLY NO PENIS, NO NAKED MEN, AND NO OVERLY EMBARASSING CHEESY STUFF. While I know people are probably thinking, "wow, she's such a prude!" I think by her telling the bridal party, it helped save some not-so-happy moments afterwards. And I think all her bms were glad that she was honest with us!
Whaaat? Someone will be announcing her pregnancy during the shower? Is she nuts, self-absorbed or rude?! And your mom thinks it's a great idea? Is your mom nuts? ... That, I think, is faaaar worse than an ill-advised themed shower.
Maybe you should gently ask your SIL not to announce during the shower. That is the height of rude. Or ask your mom to ask her not to announce it during your shower. Or (be sarcastic) and ask SIL if she'd rather the shower be her baby shower. Okay, you can't do the last point. But the first two are fine.
At this point, I think your best bet is to go along with the whole thing. The theme has been set and it might hurt feelings to suggest anything but appreciation. Bottom line, you are being celebrated by your friends and family. I would even let the SIL get her way, everyone there will know who the parties for. I don't think it will take the limelight from you. Particularly if you're the one wearing the funny outfit.
I've been to a shower with a bride who was not a good sport and it made everyone feel ackward and less than appreciated. I've learned that much of the wedding process is about picking your battles and making sure everyone feels welcome and appreciated.
Its not your party, meaning you are not the hostess, sorry they got you so wrong which I think is what is bothering you the most-I know it would me--I am classic, simple so something that looked like a craft store blew up would be weird for me. HOWEVER, as you are not the hostess you are not responsible, for the theme, just think how chic your house will seem to others in the future and I think you will have an extra wide secret smile in all of the pictures
Just wanted to update y'all......I did what everyone suggested and acted very gracious, which i was (it was a party afterall!), and very sweet. They purposefully tried to embarass me......the thing is, they made it a hat party, and everyone knows I hate hats. I REFUSE to wear them EVER, and I live in snow country. I make it very clear that I won't wear them, that I hate them, and that they look terrible on me. It was a blatant attempt to make me feel embarassed. They got me a large green velvet hat with purple feathers, blue flowers, and a black veil........it was to make me look stupid. Nice, huh? The GREAT thing was that all the guests who came had their hats and then said "Can I take this off now? i hate hats." and I didn't have to wear it for more than fifteen minutes. Good thing because I bought a new very pretty, cute dress for the occassion....and the hat made it a total waste. And yes, my sis-in-law did announce her pregnancy as well, but what can ya do? Overall, it was a good party once the hats came off and the guests did what they wanted to do anyway. Thanks to everyone for your advice! You helped me keep my cool!
I'm so happy you were able to enjoy it. I would be upset if someone announced her pregnancy at my shower, but you did the right thing by not making it a big deal. Good for you, Gracielou, for showing such grace under pressure!
My family is very graciously throwing me a bridal shower. I recently found out what the theme is.......and it is NOT MY STYLE. it is very cutesy and ostentatious, and I am very simple and classic. I feel terrible, but I'm dreading it. One thing I'm big on is not embarassing people and I feel the potential for being embarassed during my shower are high. I don't want to walk in there looking all nice and sweet in my new dress that I picked out especially for the occassion and be forced to wear silly props and items that make me feel weird and like people are laughing at me. Obviously, I have some of my own issues, but people who know me know this about me......I just kinda feel like the people throwing the shower weren't thinking about me and my style and personality when they chose this theme....it's kinda obvious to me that they picked something they would like. But when they had their showers, I adapted myself to their styles to throw them showers they would enjoy and that reflected their interests. I know there's nothing I can do about it and I'll just go and put on a smile and have a good time, but does anyone else thinks it's a little weird that someone would throw you a shower with a theme that has nothing to do with what you like? It doesn't help that I already feel like the black sheep of the family....but I thought at least for MY bridal shower, someone would do something that I'd like.
posted by gracielou 90 posts 2 months agoMaybe they really don't know what you would like. Even the most well-meaning family can be clueless. I'm sure they didn't intentionally pick a theme that you wouldn't like. Like you I would prefer not to wear any "silly props" either, but if I were in your position (and don't think I won't be when it's my turn for a shower!) I'd try my best to be a good sport. If you are really uncomfortable with anything they might want you to wear or do during the shower, I would raisethese concerns before the shower. It's too late once the guests have arrived. You will only look like the ungrateful bad guy if you make a scene at that point.
The decorations aren't what is most important. Enjoy that your friends and family have gathered in you honor and have a great time!
posted by Soon2BeMrsC 72 posts 2 months agoI feel your pain. Somehow the process of celebrating the bride has become most undignified. Like I seriously want to walk around a bar in a veil covered with tiny plastic penises? Come on. I don't want any stupid games or stupid hats or to bore the other guests to death by forcing them to watch me open gifts for two hours. Why can't we just have a nice, simple lunch with a group of women we love and respect?
posted by CarolineG 284 posts 2 months agoLike Soon2BeMrsC, I don't think the family did this intentionally to give you a shower in a style you wouldn't like. It could be that the women hosting your shower are doing a "cutesy" shower theme because that's what they see at every bridal shower they attend - most of them are cutesy with ridiculous games. If you think they might be planning annoying shower games and you'll be embarrassed, tell them well in advance that you're a little nervous about being the center of attention at the shower and you're hoping to keep things a little more low-key to calm yourself a little. I wouldn't tell them that the style they've picked for the shower is "not you" and that you'd like them to change the entire theme. They're being generous in throwing you a shower, and telling them to change the theme that you don't like will make you come across as a bit ungrateful. Don't stress about the things you can't control, be appreciative of the work you're doing, and let yourself enjoy being with guests you enjoy at the shower.
posted by loveatfirstsightlover 43 posts 2 months agoI agree with Caroline. I just had my bachelorette party and had to wear a penis crown, boa and drink out of penis straws. I looked ridiculous! Luckily there was plenty of alcohol there for me to forget about it and it ended up being a great time! They are being nice throwing the shower for you and maybe if you tell them beforehad what you really want they can make the appropriate changes. I actually told the girls I didn't want to wear a penis veil, but never mentioned a crown, etc., you never really know what is going to happen. In the end just try and enjoy it and remember this only happens once in a lifetime.
posted by Taleja 15 posts 2 months agoA penis crown and veil? Wow. I agree with the first post. I don't think they are throwing this shower to embarrass you, and usually people try to center their theme around the bride's personality or throw a fairly generic or non-specific shower. If they don't know what you like, it's too bad that they didn't ask, but it is the thought that counts. There's really not much you can do about it since the plans have already been set in motion and it would be really mean to say something about it. Just try not to feel too offended - it seems like they mean well. You might end up having a really good time.
posted by mlindsey 175 posts 2 months agoAlthough the shower may not be your style I truly think you'll have fun. I recently graduated from law school and my parents wanted to throw me a party. Because I was in finals, I didn't have time to supervise anything so I just told my mom what sort of party I wanted. I'm the kind of person who knows exactly what I like and what I don't like so I gave my mom a lot of options and suggestions. Well, in the end my mom pretty much did the opposite of everything I wanted and/or liked, (I won't get into the details). At first I was kind of mad because it did not at all represent my style or who I am, it was totally my mom. But the thing is, after all was said and done, I had SO MUCH FUN. At the end of the night I was just so overwhelmed that my mom went through so much trouble to make me happy, (in her own way). I think it'll be the same for you. Just remember that everything done for you is out of love and not to make you unhappy. Just try to have fun.
posted by MissEsq 41 posts 2 months agoI have to agree with the previous posts. Your friends are probably doing this because this is what they feel a shower should be. But the fact remains, they are doing a lot of work to plan these festivities to honour you and "shower" you with gifts (and love)! So you may have to be gracious and see the day for what it is: an outpouring of love at a party thrown for you by other people.
If you have reservations or concerns about it, speak up before the shower, as soon as possible. I like the suggestion of loveatfirstsitelover, to mention that you want something low-key to avoid being the centre of attention, but DO NOT tell them the shower theme is not "you".
posted by Krista 102 posts 2 months agoP.S. I hope you have fun whatever happens!
posted by Krista 102 posts 2 months agoI'm thinking it was probably not intentional....but I understand your concern! For every shower I've had, the hostesses asked what kind of theme I wanted, if any! They probably just thought it would be cute and/or funny or whatever....I'd just go with it. I had serious reservations about a family shower thrown for me and while it wasn't ideal, it ended up being a lot nicer than I thought......
posted by jamieb 7 posts 2 months agoThanks for the support guys! I appreciate all the great advice. I'm just going to grin and bear it and have a good time. I'm not even going to get upset that one of the sisters-in-law throwing the shower just found she is pregnant and told my mother she "can't wait" till the shower so she can announce to everyone else that she's pregnant. Oh yeah, and my mom thinks this is a great idea......
Grin......bear it!
posted by gracielou 90 posts 2 months agooh yeah, i had foreseen something similar happening with me. so i told my bridesmaids very clearly that i absolutely DETEST DETEST DETEST bridal shower games (i.e. toilet paper bride and any other typical crafts-type or question games). thankfully, my words didn't fall on deaf ears :)
posted by novbride111 39 posts 2 months agonovbride....thanks! You make me feel like I'm not just being picky and that my opinion actually should matter a little bit. Even still, I know that if I say anything, they'll attack me, so oh well. But you are AWESOME for sticking up for yourself! I envy your bravery!
posted by gracielou 90 posts 2 months agoOh, I can completely understand (from a BM point of view.) Different brides like celebration in different ways. I was a BM to a friend that told me SPECIFICALLY NO PENIS, NO NAKED MEN, AND NO OVERLY EMBARASSING CHEESY STUFF. While I know people are probably thinking, "wow, she's such a prude!" I think by her telling the bridal party, it helped save some not-so-happy moments afterwards. And I think all her bms were glad that she was honest with us!
posted by pinkparfait 71 posts 2 months agoWhaaat? Someone will be announcing her pregnancy during the shower? Is she nuts, self-absorbed or rude?! And your mom thinks it's a great idea? Is your mom nuts? ... That, I think, is faaaar worse than an ill-advised themed shower.
Maybe you should gently ask your SIL not to announce during the shower. That is the height of rude. Or ask your mom to ask her not to announce it during your shower. Or (be sarcastic) and ask SIL if she'd rather the shower be her baby shower. Okay, you can't do the last point. But the first two are fine.
posted by Krista 102 posts 2 months agoAt this point, I think your best bet is to go along with the whole thing. The theme has been set and it might hurt feelings to suggest anything but appreciation. Bottom line, you are being celebrated by your friends and family. I would even let the SIL get her way, everyone there will know who the parties for. I don't think it will take the limelight from you. Particularly if you're the one wearing the funny outfit.
I've been to a shower with a bride who was not a good sport and it made everyone feel ackward and less than appreciated. I've learned that much of the wedding process is about picking your battles and making sure everyone feels welcome and appreciated.
posted by scgalea 4 posts 2 months agoIts not your party, meaning you are not the hostess, sorry they got you so wrong which I think is what is bothering you the most-I know it would me--I am classic, simple so something that looked like a craft store blew up would be weird for me. HOWEVER, as you are not the hostess you are not responsible, for the theme, just think how chic your house will seem to others in the future and I think you will have an extra wide secret smile in all of the pictures
posted by ju1244 254 posts 2 months agoJust wanted to update y'all......I did what everyone suggested and acted very gracious, which i was (it was a party afterall!), and very sweet. They purposefully tried to embarass me......the thing is, they made it a hat party, and everyone knows I hate hats. I REFUSE to wear them EVER, and I live in snow country. I make it very clear that I won't wear them, that I hate them, and that they look terrible on me. It was a blatant attempt to make me feel embarassed. They got me a large green velvet hat with purple feathers, blue flowers, and a black veil........it was to make me look stupid. Nice, huh? The GREAT thing was that all the guests who came had their hats and then said "Can I take this off now? i hate hats." and I didn't have to wear it for more than fifteen minutes. Good thing because I bought a new very pretty, cute dress for the occassion....and the hat made it a total waste. And yes, my sis-in-law did announce her pregnancy as well, but what can ya do? Overall, it was a good party once the hats came off and the guests did what they wanted to do anyway. Thanks to everyone for your advice! You helped me keep my cool!
posted by gracielou 90 posts 1 month agoI'm so happy you were able to enjoy it. I would be upset if someone announced her pregnancy at my shower, but you did the right thing by not making it a big deal. Good for you, Gracielou, for showing such grace under pressure!
posted by Krista 102 posts 1 month ago