Some venting so you can tell me if I'm crazy. Wedding is in two weeks, and we still haven't met our caterer (other than the first intro meeting back in March) to finalize details. She is ordering all the "extras" for us as we're getting married under a tent in the country, not a traditional venue with everything on site, so there are a lot of things to order. She told us it's easier for her that way.
In my attempt to confirm a final meeting since the beginning of August, she has been totally unresponsive for the past week. I know these guys are busy, but this started to panic me (see above, it's not just about the food)! So when I email her on Monday to confirm a meeting this Friday (tomorrow), and had heard nothing by end of day yesterday, Wednesday, I followed up with a phone call. I did mention I was getting a bit stressed out (again, I've been asking for this meeting since the beginning of August), but my message wasn't nasty at all.
She called me back and said:
Hello Bee, this is Me. I got your messageS PLURAL (yes she said this in one of those condescending, bitter tones said with a smile, you know the one). Don't worry. Be cool. Maybe you should do some yoga and take some big, deep breaths. It's all going to work out. I'm an EXTREMELY busy person, and I suck at returning messages. Anyway, Friday I need to be (out of town) so we'll have to meet Saturday morning.
I don't do the message justice. It was the smiley, bitter evil tone! But I am so annoyed because she IS stressing me out by being unresponsive--- is is unreasonable to be concerned that you haven't met the caterer who is basically ordering all the wedding stuff-- until two weeks before the wedding?
It takes ONE MINUTE to return a call. And when we're talking about the biggest expense of my wedding, and something so important...don't tell me to do some yoga and take some deep breaths, be a professional and return my call and deal with your client, don't tell me how to manage the stress you're causing me!
Ah, the ventage. Thanks... now I'll have to meet with her this weekend and be nice...it's too late in the game for anything else Bees!
I believe her message was out of line, but as you stated it's too late in the game to do anything else. When you meet with her on Saturday, ask her the best/preferred way to contact her, are certain days better than others, what time is best and what she considers her average response time is. See if you can set up a time each week to touch base, so you know what's going on. Just stay calm on Saturday and feel her out to see what she's willing to do to communicate with you better.
Ditto pp, she's out of line, but at this point I would suck it up and be sweet to her and joke about doing yoga. It's not worth it to get on her bad side this close to the wedding. Maybe that's too passive an approach, but that's what I'd do.
Plan to give yourself a reward if you don't lose your cool on Saturday - like an extra Starbucks, some ice cream, a shot of hard alcohol, whatever works! I sometimes need to taunt myself like I'm a little kid to get things done! For example - I had to do my push ups last night before I could have a beer!
She is out of line. If at all possible, I'd save that messgae-if, heaven forbid, things go really wrong, it could be a good piece of evidence in small claims court.
Maybe if she *sucks* at returning message (and possibly also at public relations) you could suggest that SHE call YOU to provide updates - on a schedule that you set up at your meeting. Or, of course, there is always email. If she would prefer to answer questions that way, I'm sure that's okay. However, it's NOT okay for her to be nasty to you for leaving her messages!! Surely you're not the first client she's had who wants to actually communicate about the event.
I did not have any vendors that were nasty like this, and all of mine were good at communicating... although they had their own ways of doing it. The banquet coordinators for the reception and the RD preferred to communicate by email - and generally returned emails by the next day at the latest. My band leader preferred phone - and called once a week in the last month to update me and confirm details. My florist and my baker, oddly enough, just liked for me to drop by, and so I did.
Okay....I have a job that keeps me that busy too, and part of my job DESCRIPTION is to communicate with clients. I may not always like it....I may dread it, but I suck it up and do it because that's my job. She was way out of line and unprofessional.
the caterer i was originally going to hire sounded like that too. she had a blog and i was reading her perspective of it all. from the caterer's view, they've done countless weddings so they know how to prioritize and divvy up their time (as they are super busy). but from your perspective, you haven't been a bride countless times so it's much more nervewracking for you.
but if you trusted your caterer enough to sign a contract, i think you should be okay. however, that being said...i think your caterer could have shown more courtesy towards you. customer service is still important regardless how delicious the food may be :)
My caterer is going through some issues right now and sometimes has trouble returning my emails or phone calls -- however, 1) she told me what the issue was up front, 2) she NEVER speaks to me like that. She's always apologetic, not snarky(!), for not returning my message sooner. So yeah, yours is a cow. =)
My wedding is also in 2 weeks, so I know exactly how you feel -- my DJ is ignoring me. Do you have a wedding planner? I sicced my wedding planner on him (she's the one who recommended him to me), and she can deal with his shortcomings in a professional manner without having to get me involved. Or maybe ask someone to do it who's serving as a de facto wedding planner? Or have someone pretend to be your wedding planner and do it?? It's really a great way to get what you want/need from your vendors while preserving the relationship, as you know the wedding planner will handle it calmly and professionally (something that I know is a little hard to do 2 weeks out).
Ugh, how frustrating! Regardless of whether the caterer knows she has everything under control and doesn't have time to respond in full to your emails, it only takes 2 seconds to respond acknowledging that she received it and will be in touch in 2 or 3 days. A large part of any vendor's job is communication (in a mature, professional manner) and good people skills.
I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that she will follow through with everything and you will have an amazing wedding...but if you truly feel like you have been mistreated by her, don't forget you can express that in the tip (assuming you don't end up hurting the waitstaff in the process). Another option is to contact the Better Business Bureau so that future brides have the knowledge that you, unfortunately, didn't.
Yes, consider Weddingbee like your yoga in dealing with the stress she's causing you! That's no way to treat a customer, no matter how good your catering work is. Sadly, you probably aren't going to be able to reform her attitude before the big day. Get your details ironed out on Saturday, have a laugh with her about calming yourself down (to get on her good side) and discuss having one final check-in with her before the big day--i.e., you will call her at X time on X day just to make sure everything is going a-okay.
Totally agree with Chelsea - vent here!! What she is doing is not great customer service. I am sure she has it all under control, but use your Saturday meeting to ask all your questions. Make sure you get what you want out of her and tell her you appreciate her humoring a nervous bride, whatever. Don't let her know you are pissed off because you want this woman working for you!
Our band - our biggest expense outside of catering - was sooo unresponsive. It was really annoying and I would never recommend them again. But , they did a great job at the wedding. We did make sure they eventually communicated with us, but it was not fun, and we didn't tip them as a result of the poor service.
Yes she is out of line but I am more concerned with your wedding, send her a registered letter (although Fedex might seem less adversarial) "just to be clear" about any terms you need defined. Perhaps she forgot she works for you! Frankly 2 weeks would still be enough to swap her if you had to. Yoga can be rather un-relaxing if you are not in the right mind for it, a glass of champagne will definitely make her more palatable.
I think a lot of vendors in the wedding business like to play the "passive agressive" game where they act like everything's no big deal just to freak out the bride. I think they get a kick out of sending the bride into a frenzy of stress and insecurities. Maybe they've dealt with one to many bridezillas and unconsciously take it out on other helpless brides. At any rates, it still is completely unprofessional. The best wedding vendors make the bride feel like the wedding is just as important to them as it is to her, and are prompt and curtious in responding. ANyone in this business knows frantic calls from brides comes with the territory and should be grown up enough about it not to pull this passive agressive nonsence. Most times, the bride just wants reassurance and the vendor should humor this if they want to build their business.
"I suck at returning messages"? That ... is an incredibly lame excuse for not returning your call. You're not crazy. Her message was unprofessional and unkind.
I think the others gave great advice -- vent here and kill her with kindness until the wedding. If you're still unhappy with the service you received after the wedding, maybe write a letter to the head of the catering company telling him/her that you were not happy with the way your contact treated you in the weeks leading up to the wedding. Or, if this woman is the owner, a review on WeddingWire.com could warn other brides not to deal with this company.
Well, we met with the caterer...and I kept my cool! The venting here and your feedback really helped keep things in perspective. Thank you!
Plus, I brought in the big guns aka my FMIL who KNOWS everyone and is great at getting word of mouth around, good (or bad as the case may be). The caterer was on her best behaviour, mostly.
She dropped one bomb, which she downplayed: when we met previously, she told us her waitstaff could cork and pour for our cocktails and during dinner, so we were arranging a bartender for the reception only. Apparently, as of Saturday, her staff "do not touch booze" because they're mostly underage!
Fortunately, my FH already found a bartender team and they should be (we'll know today) up for all the extra work, so I avoided a meltdown.
We are doing everything but the church ceremony at our home in the country, which is really meaningful for us, but also means we need to worry about many details we could otherwise leave to the venue. So far, it's been alright, but because we're in the country, we're dealing with a lot of vendors...who apparently do a great job at what they do on the day, but are TOTALLY lacking in customer service.
Must be because they have so much work they don't need to worry...
Well,I guess that meeting turned out okay, or at least not as bad as it could have been! It's too bad that you have to change plans a little bit for serving alcohol. But, all in all, it sounds like it's coming together! Good luck!
Sorry Beehive,
Some venting so you can tell me if I'm crazy. Wedding is in two weeks, and we still haven't met our caterer (other than the first intro meeting back in March) to finalize details. She is ordering all the "extras" for us as we're getting married under a tent in the country, not a traditional venue with everything on site, so there are a lot of things to order. She told us it's easier for her that way.
In my attempt to confirm a final meeting since the beginning of August, she has been totally unresponsive for the past week. I know these guys are busy, but this started to panic me (see above, it's not just about the food)! So when I email her on Monday to confirm a meeting this Friday (tomorrow), and had heard nothing by end of day yesterday, Wednesday, I followed up with a phone call. I did mention I was getting a bit stressed out (again, I've been asking for this meeting since the beginning of August), but my message wasn't nasty at all.
She called me back and said:
Hello Bee, this is Me. I got your messageS PLURAL (yes she said this in one of those condescending, bitter tones said with a smile, you know the one). Don't worry. Be cool. Maybe you should do some yoga and take some big, deep breaths. It's all going to work out. I'm an EXTREMELY busy person, and I suck at returning messages. Anyway, Friday I need to be (out of town) so we'll have to meet Saturday morning.
I don't do the message justice. It was the smiley, bitter evil tone! But I am so annoyed because she IS stressing me out by being unresponsive--- is is unreasonable to be concerned that you haven't met the caterer who is basically ordering all the wedding stuff-- until two weeks before the wedding?
It takes ONE MINUTE to return a call. And when we're talking about the biggest expense of my wedding, and something so important...don't tell me to do some yoga and take some deep breaths, be a professional and return my call and deal with your client, don't tell me how to manage the stress you're causing me!
Ah, the ventage. Thanks... now I'll have to meet with her this weekend and be nice...it's too late in the game for anything else Bees!
Am I over the top by thinking she's out of line?
Thanks!
posted by dc2007 4 posts 2 months agoI believe her message was out of line, but as you stated it's too late in the game to do anything else. When you meet with her on Saturday, ask her the best/preferred way to contact her, are certain days better than others, what time is best and what she considers her average response time is. See if you can set up a time each week to touch base, so you know what's going on. Just stay calm on Saturday and feel her out to see what she's willing to do to communicate with you better.
GL!
posted by hbowar 128 posts 2 months agoGreat advice. Thank you. I am worried I will lose my cool!
posted by dc2007 4 posts 2 months agoDitto pp, she's out of line, but at this point I would suck it up and be sweet to her and joke about doing yoga. It's not worth it to get on her bad side this close to the wedding. Maybe that's too passive an approach, but that's what I'd do.
posted by livvie 88 posts 2 months agoIf you take up yoga, you can always beat her with your mat. She was WAY out of line. Is she a real caterer or just somebody who does it part time?
posted by KateMW 483 posts 2 months agoPlan to give yourself a reward if you don't lose your cool on Saturday - like an extra Starbucks, some ice cream, a shot of hard alcohol, whatever works! I sometimes need to taunt myself like I'm a little kid to get things done! For example - I had to do my push ups last night before I could have a beer!
You'll be fine, but I do like KateMW's idea!
posted by hbowar 128 posts 2 months agoShe is out of line. If at all possible, I'd save that messgae-if, heaven forbid, things go really wrong, it could be a good piece of evidence in small claims court.
posted by ninanina 48 posts 2 months agoMaybe if she *sucks* at returning message (and possibly also at public relations) you could suggest that SHE call YOU to provide updates - on a schedule that you set up at your meeting. Or, of course, there is always email. If she would prefer to answer questions that way, I'm sure that's okay. However, it's NOT okay for her to be nasty to you for leaving her messages!! Surely you're not the first client she's had who wants to actually communicate about the event.
I did not have any vendors that were nasty like this, and all of mine were good at communicating... although they had their own ways of doing it. The banquet coordinators for the reception and the RD preferred to communicate by email - and generally returned emails by the next day at the latest. My band leader preferred phone - and called once a week in the last month to update me and confirm details. My florist and my baker, oddly enough, just liked for me to drop by, and so I did.
posted by suzanno 1,955 posts 2 months agoOkay....I have a job that keeps me that busy too, and part of my job DESCRIPTION is to communicate with clients. I may not always like it....I may dread it, but I suck it up and do it because that's my job. She was way out of line and unprofessional.
posted by gracielou 90 posts 2 months agothe caterer i was originally going to hire sounded like that too. she had a blog and i was reading her perspective of it all. from the caterer's view, they've done countless weddings so they know how to prioritize and divvy up their time (as they are super busy). but from your perspective, you haven't been a bride countless times so it's much more nervewracking for you.
but if you trusted your caterer enough to sign a contract, i think you should be okay. however, that being said...i think your caterer could have shown more courtesy towards you. customer service is still important regardless how delicious the food may be :)
posted by novbride111 39 posts 2 months agoMy caterer is going through some issues right now and sometimes has trouble returning my emails or phone calls -- however, 1) she told me what the issue was up front, 2) she NEVER speaks to me like that. She's always apologetic, not snarky(!), for not returning my message sooner. So yeah, yours is a cow. =)
My wedding is also in 2 weeks, so I know exactly how you feel -- my DJ is ignoring me. Do you have a wedding planner? I sicced my wedding planner on him (she's the one who recommended him to me), and she can deal with his shortcomings in a professional manner without having to get me involved. Or maybe ask someone to do it who's serving as a de facto wedding planner? Or have someone pretend to be your wedding planner and do it?? It's really a great way to get what you want/need from your vendors while preserving the relationship, as you know the wedding planner will handle it calmly and professionally (something that I know is a little hard to do 2 weeks out).
posted by rebecca 986 posts 2 months agoUgh, how frustrating! Regardless of whether the caterer knows she has everything under control and doesn't have time to respond in full to your emails, it only takes 2 seconds to respond acknowledging that she received it and will be in touch in 2 or 3 days. A large part of any vendor's job is communication (in a mature, professional manner) and good people skills.
I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that she will follow through with everything and you will have an amazing wedding...but if you truly feel like you have been mistreated by her, don't forget you can express that in the tip (assuming you don't end up hurting the waitstaff in the process). Another option is to contact the Better Business Bureau so that future brides have the knowledge that you, unfortunately, didn't.
Good luck!!
posted by DCbrideinATL 77 posts 2 months agoYes, consider Weddingbee like your yoga in dealing with the stress she's causing you! That's no way to treat a customer, no matter how good your catering work is. Sadly, you probably aren't going to be able to reform her attitude before the big day. Get your details ironed out on Saturday, have a laugh with her about calming yourself down (to get on her good side) and discuss having one final check-in with her before the big day--i.e., you will call her at X time on X day just to make sure everything is going a-okay.
posted by chelseamorning 205 posts 2 months agoTotally agree with Chelsea - vent here!! What she is doing is not great customer service. I am sure she has it all under control, but use your Saturday meeting to ask all your questions. Make sure you get what you want out of her and tell her you appreciate her humoring a nervous bride, whatever. Don't let her know you are pissed off because you want this woman working for you!
Our band - our biggest expense outside of catering - was sooo unresponsive. It was really annoying and I would never recommend them again. But , they did a great job at the wedding. We did make sure they eventually communicated with us, but it was not fun, and we didn't tip them as a result of the poor service.
posted by Janna19 340 posts 2 months agobe sure you get quotes on the "extras" so she doesn't screw you with a HUGE bill
posted by AHotPinkPetticoat 33 posts 2 months agoYes she is out of line but I am more concerned with your wedding, send her a registered letter (although Fedex might seem less adversarial) "just to be clear" about any terms you need defined. Perhaps she forgot she works for you! Frankly 2 weeks would still be enough to swap her if you had to. Yoga can be rather un-relaxing if you are not in the right mind for it, a glass of champagne will definitely make her more palatable.
posted by ju1244 254 posts 2 months agoI think a lot of vendors in the wedding business like to play the "passive agressive" game where they act like everything's no big deal just to freak out the bride. I think they get a kick out of sending the bride into a frenzy of stress and insecurities. Maybe they've dealt with one to many bridezillas and unconsciously take it out on other helpless brides. At any rates, it still is completely unprofessional. The best wedding vendors make the bride feel like the wedding is just as important to them as it is to her, and are prompt and curtious in responding. ANyone in this business knows frantic calls from brides comes with the territory and should be grown up enough about it not to pull this passive agressive nonsence. Most times, the bride just wants reassurance and the vendor should humor this if they want to build their business.
posted by NorthCarolinaBride2B 47 posts 2 months ago"I suck at returning messages"? That ... is an incredibly lame excuse for not returning your call. You're not crazy. Her message was unprofessional and unkind.
I think the others gave great advice -- vent here and kill her with kindness until the wedding. If you're still unhappy with the service you received after the wedding, maybe write a letter to the head of the catering company telling him/her that you were not happy with the way your contact treated you in the weeks leading up to the wedding. Or, if this woman is the owner, a review on WeddingWire.com could warn other brides not to deal with this company.
posted by MelissaB 67 posts 2 months agoHi everyone!
Well, we met with the caterer...and I kept my cool! The venting here and your feedback really helped keep things in perspective. Thank you!
Plus, I brought in the big guns aka my FMIL who KNOWS everyone and is great at getting word of mouth around, good (or bad as the case may be). The caterer was on her best behaviour, mostly.
She dropped one bomb, which she downplayed: when we met previously, she told us her waitstaff could cork and pour for our cocktails and during dinner, so we were arranging a bartender for the reception only. Apparently, as of Saturday, her staff "do not touch booze" because they're mostly underage!
Fortunately, my FH already found a bartender team and they should be (we'll know today) up for all the extra work, so I avoided a meltdown.
We are doing everything but the church ceremony at our home in the country, which is really meaningful for us, but also means we need to worry about many details we could otherwise leave to the venue. So far, it's been alright, but because we're in the country, we're dealing with a lot of vendors...who apparently do a great job at what they do on the day, but are TOTALLY lacking in customer service.
Must be because they have so much work they don't need to worry...
Thanks again Bees!
posted by dc2007 4 posts 2 months agoWell, I guess that meeting turned out okay, or at least not as bad as it could have been! It's too bad that you have to change plans a little bit for serving alcohol. But, all in all, it sounds like it's coming together! Good luck!
posted by Krista 102 posts 2 months ago