I couldn't help but notice that there are a number of us getting married this fall, right around the presidential election. I'm having a small wedding, but even so - all points on the political spectrum will be represented. Clearly I can't do much to guard against heated discussion or outright rancor between future in-laws and my family. I'm just wondering if any other bees are having anxiety dreams about some knock down, drag out, political-debate-turned melee erupting at their wedding receptions? I've put my family on notice to be on their best *political* behavior, but that's about all I can think to do! Comisseration and advice are welcome.
Our wedding is 4 days after the election and I am concerned that feelings will be hurt and ego's will be bruised so soon after Decision 2008.
I made the decision this past weekend as my brother screamed at me about politics that I was not going to discuss it anymore this season.
Yesterday someone posted about making a fun game about it, like having people put a quarter in a jar if they are caught talking politics. Most people thought this was a bad idea, but I actually liked it. I think it would be an easy way to diffuse the situation. I don't know about where any of you live, but here in the South, those debates can turn ugly pretty quick and I don't want that stuff ruining our wedding activites.
We planned our wedding a year and a half ago for Nov 1st. Without realizing we found out thats day light savings and 3 days before the election.
Since we have a lot of out of town guests, I'm hoping the guests will use the wedding as a small get away and leave their political views at home. I would like to think most people would be on their best behavior for a wedding. My family is mostly from New England and the wedding is in NY so I think no matter what, everyone pretty much knows their state will go to the left.
I think the idea about a quarter in a jar is BRILLIANT! My wedding is going to be right after and it just occurred to me that I am either going to be very happy or very depressed!
Dont count on people behaving for a minute! I think the quarter idea is a MUST!
I like the quarter in a jar idea, but I'm afraid it would just draw more attention to the issue. I think I'll rely on hard looks to family members who start to "go there" or a quick kick under the table! Good luck to all us fall '08 brides.
Maybe I should stake some Obama/Biden signs in the reception yard?
My fiance and I are different parties and we're thinking of doing donations as favors--half to a Republican group and half to a Democrat group. But I don't know if people will be too upset by the idea of the group that isn't their group getting $$$.
I'm not sure that a donation to opposing parties doesn't result in a wash. People might view it as a waste, no matter the political party. If you really want to do it, you might want to say "donation to worthy causes," or something generic.
@ Caroline: Personally, I think I'd be a little peeved if there was a donation made in my name to one of the parties. They're already too rich and strong as it is, and unless you're political activists or something of the sort and it really means a lot to you, I'd find a cause that can't make quite so much money on its own. I sympathize with the brides above and would really want to keep politics out of my wedding (with the exception of Iten, that's fun and not close enough to real politics to cause a problem).
You have absolutely no control over what your guests will discuss. Most people know better than to discuss politics or religion except in the very broadest of terms at functions such as these. If this is the only thing you're worried about, consider yourself a very lucky bride
My wedding is in the south, less than a month before the election. My personal brand of politics (and that of most of my friends, birds of a feather, you know) is quite different from those of the red state in which we're marrying. The thought has crossed my mind, but other than asking my father to make sure he puts his teeth in and leave his confederate generals tee shirt at home, I acknowledge that it is out of my hands. The best you can do is gently steer the conversation elsewhere if you hear it come up.
I do think that donations to each party is a wash and would seem a waste. I am however of the belief that every fall bride had better get a plan in place to deal with the possibility! If not the quarter jar then a stock line or phrase--like no business or politics on my special day. I do think the threat of a battle is real, I dont think you can just sweep this under the carpet especially when you cant control your guests, forewarned is forearmed.
The tempers sure are starting to flame.... I've even been thinking how glad I am that there aren't any family functions I need to attend until way after the election. Politics always comes up in my family, and I'm always astounded at what I hear -- I've lived in college towns for the past eight years and so I find it shocking how misinformed some people are (for example: Obama is a Muslim newborn baby killer. I cry for the future of this country)...... :(
Anyhoo, the quarter jar is a great idea. Politics will be on people's minds and it will come up in many conversations. And people will be loosened up with the fine drink that will be freely poured. The best idea is to acknowledge this reality, and try to find a way to make it lighthearted.
It wasn't til a couple weeks ago when I saw this post that I had even thought, "OMG, our wedding is right after the election.
Since then, the election heat has be turned up. Big time! I forwarded an email to a bunch of friends. Fortunately I did a copy/paste so it looks like I'm the originator and who’s going to be completely ferocious to the bride??
The problem is that a DEAR friend totally put me on blast in an email he sent to everyone I had sent my original message to. That in itself isn't a big deal because I know I cannot talk politics with him so I laughed at his blind loyalty and went about my business.
Problem is...a few of the folks on my original email responded back to him in a civil yet heated manner. My MOH/sister who isn’t email savvy sent me a private message simply stating, “WHO THE H3LL SENT YOU THAT MESSAGE!!!!!” (All caps and easily about 10 exclamation marks). I of course didn’t tell her, “oh, that’s ____, he’s one of our groomsmen.”
As of right now both my FFIL and his brother have responded. As has another friend of mine. Dear groomsman let me know that someone else had replied to him but he didn’t share who it was or what was said because, “they’re losers! If they’re voting for ____ they’re not worth my time or energy….by the time your wedding rolls around we will have a new president and this will all be pointless…” I forget what else.
So ladies, NOW I’m a teeny bit freaked out about the whole Election Year Wedding, because if it comes up at all, there’s going to be a very heated, passionate debate and who knows what else.
PS: I’m sitting here typing this and yet another reply has rolled in. This from my dear MOH/sister who replied, “Don’t base your opinions to Shasha on ignorance, take a careful look at the whole picture. What a sad, immature comment on your behalf.” So much for civil!
To SHASHA, good luck to you and thank you for being one of the few posters who didnt get her little dig against the other man in. I think the fact that we cant even keep our opinions (or candidates) out of our blogs says something here! My wedding is a big 3 weeks after the election (when they will probably still be counting Pennsylvania) I personally have had ONE difficult dinner with my FI's brother, guess what it was about? He lives in DC-I work in politics and let me just say he is a traitor even to his own practices! I literally said the words, "Please I am begging you as a gentleman, let us dispense with this conversation" but yet he continued and I then, realising I had neither a car with me or sufficient cash to get a cab said, "Please I have neither a vehicle or a way to get home, I am asking you to please stop so that I dont have to get up from this table" and many more attempts, even admitting that I had somehow forgotten my cell and didnt know who I could call...because his banter got pretty heated such that even Mario Batali's food couldnt assuage... finally guess what-I DID get up, get my coat and was prepared to walk thinking I would pop into the first place that I thought would let me use their phone...suffice it to say, things have never been the same and I am frankly DREADING the fact that he will be at my wedding! My FI gets a C+ for his action/ inaction The good news is I am still in charge of the seating list!
Hate to be judgemental but I swear no one in my family would pursue this! I grew up with news at the forefront of most dinners--but then we are civilised beings. We have movie stars who cant keep it out of their acceptance speeches...If my father were alive I know he'd jokingly pronounce that anyone caught talking politics, religion or business at my wedding would be taken out and thrashed but as he is not, I'll have to settle for the quarter jar and tightly crossed fingers!
Elections can be hard, but for the people getting married a few days after, most likely they still will be counting some of the swing states.
Maybe those who are the most concerned can appoint some kind of politically neutral "bouncer" at each table to either change the subject or ask the parties to take it outside if it gets too heated? As a last resort, say "the next person who expresses a political opinion is getting $5 donated in their name to (opposite view party)."
I think the idea of political donations would work well if instead of picking the major presidential candidate, pick an interesting congressional/senate or state election, or even just a ballot issue, to contribute to and asks guests to vote, then donate a percentage based on how many votes each candidate/cause gets. If its two candidates who aren't running against each other, it is not going to be a wash, and if the guests get to decide who "their" donation goes to, they won't feel offended that you are donating to the "wrong" party on their behalf.
Oh my goodness did the plot just thicken! I’m seriously nauseous now...
Dear friend/groomsman just replied to my MOH/sister: "I can voice any opinion I want to...it is a thing called freedom of speech...something you liberals always bitch about expressing but when it comes to an opposing point of view you want everyone else to shut the fuck up. How bout...NOT? I am not the person you want to mix this up with....BELIEVE ME. Give your message of CHANGE to someone with an I.Q. above vegetable next time. The man is a communist period. Have a nice day!”
I’m freaking for reasons previously discussed but now, I’m sure my sister is going to demand to know who this person is. I can withhold all I want but DF’s email address includes his last name. If my sister pays attention she will figure out exactly who he is.
I replied back privately to DF and said, “You do realize I’m getting married in 6 week right?? *cringe*”
His response: “I sure do…but you opened this can of worms. You should have known better than to put me in a ring of liberal lies & bs….that’s like poking a lion with a stick in an open field surrounded by vultures.”
Yes, yes I did send the original email. I told you Bees that in my last post BUT the original email was essentially asking questions about the candidates. Think of a side by side comparison filled with questions. I thought that by including him my questions would get answered. Instead I’ve awoken a sleeping lion.
Personally, Shasha, I'd threaten to kick him out of the wedding party if he doesn't take a vow of silence. From NOW until the day after your wedding. :]
Hi Fellow Bees,
I couldn't help but notice that there are a number of us getting married this fall, right around the presidential election. I'm having a small wedding, but even so - all points on the political spectrum will be represented. Clearly I can't do much to guard against heated discussion or outright rancor between future in-laws and my family. I'm just wondering if any other bees are having anxiety dreams about some knock down, drag out, political-debate-turned melee erupting at their wedding receptions? I've put my family on notice to be on their best *political* behavior, but that's about all I can think to do! Comisseration and advice are welcome.
posted by MsBookworm 4 posts 2 months agoI am worried about this also.
Our wedding is 4 days after the election and I am concerned that feelings will be hurt and ego's will be bruised so soon after Decision 2008.
I made the decision this past weekend as my brother screamed at me about politics that I was not going to discuss it anymore this season.
Yesterday someone posted about making a fun game about it, like having people put a quarter in a jar if they are caught talking politics. Most people thought this was a bad idea, but I actually liked it. I think it would be an easy way to diffuse the situation. I don't know about where any of you live, but here in the South, those debates can turn ugly pretty quick and I don't want that stuff ruining our wedding activites.
posted by jeeyol 87 posts 2 months agoWe planned our wedding a year and a half ago for Nov 1st. Without realizing we found out thats day light savings and 3 days before the election.
Since we have a lot of out of town guests, I'm hoping the guests will use the wedding as a small get away and leave their political views at home. I would like to think most people would be on their best behavior for a wedding. My family is mostly from New England and the wedding is in NY so I think no matter what, everyone pretty much knows their state will go to the left.
posted by Kimbeerlee 99 posts 2 months agoI think the idea about a quarter in a jar is BRILLIANT! My wedding is going to be right after and it just occurred to me that I am either going to be very happy or very depressed!
Dont count on people behaving for a minute! I think the quarter idea is a MUST!
posted by ju1244 254 posts 2 months agoThe quarter jar as a penalty is brilliant!
posted by Hyacinth 33 posts 2 months agoI like the quarter in a jar idea, but I'm afraid it would just draw more attention to the issue. I think I'll rely on hard looks to family members who start to "go there" or a quick kick under the table! Good luck to all us fall '08 brides.
Maybe I should stake some Obama/Biden signs in the reception yard?
posted by MsBookworm 4 posts 2 months agoOur wedding is 10 days before the election and we're taking the theme and running with it!
We have political buttons with our picture on it with our last names "Smith-Jenkins 2008"
We also printing up Ballots where they vote for their president and "running mate" ... that doubles as a little card to write good wishes on
We're having Americana (Andrews sisters) music played at the cocktail hour.
And the video I made up (slideshow) is modeled off of a campaign commercial made up of incriminating pictures.
We're a pretty politically diverse family... but we're also politically engaged so its the perfect theme for us!
posted by lten10 7 posts 2 months agolten10 that is so cute!
posted by cannotwait 214 posts 2 months agoMy fiance and I are different parties and we're thinking of doing donations as favors--half to a Republican group and half to a Democrat group. But I don't know if people will be too upset by the idea of the group that isn't their group getting $$$.
posted by Caroline 60 posts 2 months agoI'm not sure that a donation to opposing parties doesn't result in a wash. People might view it as a waste, no matter the political party. If you really want to do it, you might want to say "donation to worthy causes," or something generic.
posted by Soon2BeMrsC 72 posts 2 months ago@ Caroline: Personally, I think I'd be a little peeved if there was a donation made in my name to one of the parties. They're already too rich and strong as it is, and unless you're political activists or something of the sort and it really means a lot to you, I'd find a cause that can't make quite so much money on its own. I sympathize with the brides above and would really want to keep politics out of my wedding (with the exception of Iten, that's fun and not close enough to real politics to cause a problem).
posted by HistoryBride 59 posts 2 months agoTrue. A better option is to donate to something neutral, like the American Cancer Society.
posted by Caroline 60 posts 2 months agoYou have absolutely no control over what your guests will discuss. Most people know better than to discuss politics or religion except in the very broadest of terms at functions such as these. If this is the only thing you're worried about, consider yourself a very lucky bride
My wedding is in the south, less than a month before the election. My personal brand of politics (and that of most of my friends, birds of a feather, you know) is quite different from those of the red state in which we're marrying. The thought has crossed my mind, but other than asking my father to make sure he puts his teeth in and leave his confederate generals tee shirt at home, I acknowledge that it is out of my hands. The best you can do is gently steer the conversation elsewhere if you hear it come up.
posted by CarolineG 284 posts 2 months agoI do think that donations to each party is a wash and would seem a waste. I am however of the belief that every fall bride had better get a plan in place to deal with the possibility! If not the quarter jar then a stock line or phrase--like no business or politics on my special day. I do think the threat of a battle is real, I dont think you can just sweep this under the carpet especially when you cant control your guests, forewarned is forearmed.
posted by Hyacinth 33 posts 2 months agoThe tempers sure are starting to flame.... I've even been thinking how glad I am that there aren't any family functions I need to attend until way after the election. Politics always comes up in my family, and I'm always astounded at what I hear -- I've lived in college towns for the past eight years and so I find it shocking how misinformed some people are (for example: Obama is a Muslim newborn baby killer. I cry for the future of this country)...... :(
Anyhoo, the quarter jar is a great idea. Politics will be on people's minds and it will come up in many conversations. And people will be loosened up with the fine drink that will be freely poured. The best idea is to acknowledge this reality, and try to find a way to make it lighthearted.
posted by bluegreenjean 118 posts 2 months agoIt wasn't til a couple weeks ago when I saw this post that I had even thought, "OMG, our wedding is right after the election.
Since then, the election heat has be turned up. Big time! I forwarded an email to a bunch of friends. Fortunately I did a copy/paste so it looks like I'm the originator and who’s going to be completely ferocious to the bride??
The problem is that a DEAR friend totally put me on blast in an email he sent to everyone I had sent my original message to. That in itself isn't a big deal because I know I cannot talk politics with him so I laughed at his blind loyalty and went about my business.
Problem is...a few of the folks on my original email responded back to him in a civil yet heated manner. My MOH/sister who isn’t email savvy sent me a private message simply stating, “WHO THE H3LL SENT YOU THAT MESSAGE!!!!!” (All caps and easily about 10 exclamation marks). I of course didn’t tell her, “oh, that’s ____, he’s one of our groomsmen.”
As of right now both my FFIL and his brother have responded. As has another friend of mine. Dear groomsman let me know that someone else had replied to him but he didn’t share who it was or what was said because, “they’re losers! If they’re voting for ____ they’re not worth my time or energy….by the time your wedding rolls around we will have a new president and this will all be pointless…” I forget what else.
So ladies, NOW I’m a teeny bit freaked out about the whole Election Year Wedding, because if it comes up at all, there’s going to be a very heated, passionate debate and who knows what else.
PS: I’m sitting here typing this and yet another reply has rolled in. This from my dear MOH/sister who replied, “Don’t base your opinions to Shasha on ignorance, take a careful look at the whole picture. What a sad, immature comment on your behalf.” So much for civil!
UGH! My belly hurts!
posted by Shasha 8 posts 1 month agoTo SHASHA, good luck to you and thank you for being one of the few posters who didnt get her little dig against the other man in. I think the fact that we cant even keep our opinions (or candidates) out of our blogs says something here! My wedding is a big 3 weeks after the election (when they will probably still be counting Pennsylvania) I personally have had ONE difficult dinner with my FI's brother, guess what it was about? He lives in DC-I work in politics and let me just say he is a traitor even to his own practices! I literally said the words, "Please I am begging you as a gentleman, let us dispense with this conversation" but yet he continued and I then, realising I had neither a car with me or sufficient cash to get a cab said, "Please I have neither a vehicle or a way to get home, I am asking you to please stop so that I dont have to get up from this table" and many more attempts, even admitting that I had somehow forgotten my cell and didnt know who I could call...because his banter got pretty heated such that even Mario Batali's food couldnt assuage... finally guess what-I DID get up, get my coat and was prepared to walk thinking I would pop into the first place that I thought would let me use their phone...suffice it to say, things have never been the same and I am frankly DREADING the fact that he will be at my wedding! My FI gets a C+ for his action/ inaction The good news is I am still in charge of the seating list!
Hate to be judgemental but I swear no one in my family would pursue this! I grew up with news at the forefront of most dinners--but then we are civilised beings. We have movie stars who cant keep it out of their acceptance speeches...If my father were alive I know he'd jokingly pronounce that anyone caught talking politics, religion or business at my wedding would be taken out and thrashed but as he is not, I'll have to settle for the quarter jar and tightly crossed fingers!
posted by Hyacinth 33 posts 1 month agoElections can be hard, but for the people getting married a few days after, most likely they still will be counting some of the swing states.
Maybe those who are the most concerned can appoint some kind of politically neutral "bouncer" at each table to either change the subject or ask the parties to take it outside if it gets too heated? As a last resort, say "the next person who expresses a political opinion is getting $5 donated in their name to (opposite view party)."
I think the idea of political donations would work well if instead of picking the major presidential candidate, pick an interesting congressional/senate or state election, or even just a ballot issue, to contribute to and asks guests to vote, then donate a percentage based on how many votes each candidate/cause gets. If its two candidates who aren't running against each other, it is not going to be a wash, and if the guests get to decide who "their" donation goes to, they won't feel offended that you are donating to the "wrong" party on their behalf.
posted by edb 41 posts 1 month agoOh my goodness did the plot just thicken! I’m seriously nauseous now...
Dear friend/groomsman just replied to my MOH/sister: "I can voice any opinion I want to...it is a thing called freedom of speech...something you liberals always bitch about expressing but when it comes to an opposing point of view you want everyone else to shut the fuck up. How bout...NOT? I am not the person you want to mix this up with....BELIEVE ME. Give your message of CHANGE to someone with an I.Q. above vegetable next time. The man is a communist period. Have a nice day!”
I’m freaking for reasons previously discussed but now, I’m sure my sister is going to demand to know who this person is. I can withhold all I want but DF’s email address includes his last name. If my sister pays attention she will figure out exactly who he is.
I replied back privately to DF and said, “You do realize I’m getting married in 6 week right?? *cringe*”
His response: “I sure do…but you opened this can of worms. You should have known better than to put me in a ring of liberal lies & bs….that’s like poking a lion with a stick in an open field surrounded by vultures.”
Yes, yes I did send the original email. I told you Bees that in my last post BUT the original email was essentially asking questions about the candidates. Think of a side by side comparison filled with questions. I thought that by including him my questions would get answered. Instead I’ve awoken a sleeping lion.
Now what?!
posted by Shasha 8 posts 1 month agoPersonally, Shasha, I'd threaten to kick him out of the wedding party if he doesn't take a vow of silence. From NOW until the day after your wedding. :]
Good luck.
posted by lily1223 59 posts 1 month ago