Ok... not that my FI's so-called best man did anything wrong. The wedding's in 2wks in he hasn't gotten fitted for his tuxs yet! My FI is soooooo mad. FI and "friend" have known eachother literally since the day he was born. They were neighbors. His BM moved out of state about two years ago but have known about this wedding. FI have tried contacting him countless times... Phonecalls, text messages, emails and even Myspace! A couple weeks ago he texted back saying he went to go get fitted but the people were going to charge him $10 (since he's not getting a tux from them) He backed out of the fitting. FI made a comment that he'll send him $20 so he can go get fitted twice. LOL We both feel that if this is a financial burden or if he can't make it or he doesn't want to be in it we wish he would let us know instead of having us wait on the edge of our seats 2wks before thewedding to cross that part off of our list. I've never heard of a guy doing this especially if they're bestfriends for 20 plus years. FI does have another BF that has stepped up to the plate a loooooong time ago helping him with little things here and there and hosting his bachelor party. FI feels really bad that he didn't ask him to be BM. I don't know what to say or do for FI to feel better. I would be so hurt too if my bestfriend won't be up there with me. I so wanted to say "Boot his @#% out!" but I kept my month shut.
You are so clever, it wouldnt occur to me to keep my mouth shut but maybe that is best, just be ready to say ITS OK when the other guy flakes and tell your FI it is not his fault. Whatever is going on in the BM's life (if anything) obviously he's not sharing! Maybe he is just a clown who waits till the last minute on things, either way it is inconsiderate, no maybe about it--he is a clown!
LOL... He's just been all wierd the last few months. When FI's father passed away a few months ago he called all the time but then the calls stopped. He's also very quiet about the getting married to his GF last month. We all found out after. I think he just had a civil wedding but still we'd all would've like to know to congratulate them. I know FI was hurt he wasn't there for him but again we didn't know it was happening.
This is a good question! I would carefully and cautiously tell your FI to consider making the other friend his best man, since he has already stepped into the position, and make his flaky best friend a groomsmen but the first behind the BM. That way if he flakes no big deal, other than hurt feelings, but your wedding will go on and you wont have to worry about fulfilling the roles. If he is unresponsive by the time you are one week out I would remove him, if he cares, he will call and recify. Remind your FI that what matters is that you guys will be married and the added stress is not worth it. They can work out their relationship without the wedding being involved and maybe after he can take time to have a face to face and focus on their heart-to-heart.
FI called BM one more time today and of course had to leave another message on his voicemail. Not even a minute after FI hangs up he received a text message from BM stating that yes he did get fitted but he doesn't know if he'll be able to make it because some guy at work just quit and they're short staffed. Sure, that can be true... the same thing's happening at my job. Of course my kind hearted, always giving people the benefit of doubt FI says well, I understand how work can get sometimes.
HELLLLLLLLLLO! One. He's your best friend! Two. We've been engaged since Feb. 2007! Three. He should've put in a vacation request months ago like normal people that are from out of town. He has worked that job long enough to get seniority
I am secretly disapointed inside eventhough FI accepted it. I personally think it's just a lame excuse.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this crap so soon before your wedding! I would just tell your FI to call him again and leave a voicemail saying that you want him to feel comfortable at the wedding, and if that means him attending only as a guest, then so be it. Tell him you don't want to put him in any akward positions regarding work and financially. In that way you're giving him an opprutinuty out, and not making him feel like he's letting your FI down, ya know?
I had to do that recently with my "best friend" who was going to be one of my BM's. I was so pissed because it was less than a month and the girl didn't even have a dress. (She's full figured, so of course she would have to order AND get fitted!) It makes you feel like you're not a priority in their life, and like you, everyone knew about this wedding over a year ago! Yes, times are tough, but anyone ever heard of planning ahead!
In the end I approached my friend like so, and she responded that it would save her a pretty penny if she just ousted. (Thanks alot) So, of course I was pissed and disappointed, but also relieved that I didn't have to worry about her anymore. Peace of mind is so worth it! You don't want to see this guy up at the alter next to your man! I would be giving him dirty looks and be pissed he was in my wedding party pics! haha, but that's me.
Let the guy just be a guest for "his own convienence!" Sounds like FI's other friend was ment to be his BM, and fate has a way of working itself out! Let us know how it goes girl!
danigirlygirl: Thanks for the advice. I'm sorry your BM had to back out also. I was down one BM too because she got pregnant. She was definitely scared to tell me but she got the courage to tell me waaaaaaaaay before dresses had to be ordered. Her due date was not far from our wedding date plus she lives out of state. I totally understand. You can't stop life for someone's wedding. Had she lived here and became pregnant I'd definitely still have her in the wedding.
I feel bad for my FI. It just sucks knowing that he does so much for his friends in general and sees nothing in return. He does have another friend that he wished he could've asked to be in the wedding as a groomsmen but he knows it would be rude to ask him two weeks before the wedding. Even though his name is on the top of the list before we made some cuts but he doesn't know that.
Do guys think about stuff like that? I know girls definitely will wonder why I was chosen last. That's why I didn't ask another friend to step in. Too bad there's no guys on here to answer that question. LOL Especially with Football games coming back on they'll be MIA.
Ok... not that my FI's so-called best man did anything wrong. The wedding's in 2wks in he hasn't gotten fitted for his tuxs yet! My FI is soooooo mad. FI and "friend" have known eachother literally since the day he was born. They were neighbors. His BM moved out of state about two years ago but have known about this wedding. FI have tried contacting him countless times... Phonecalls, text messages, emails and even Myspace! A couple weeks ago he texted back saying he went to go get fitted but the people were going to charge him $10 (since he's not getting a tux from them) He backed out of the fitting. FI made a comment that he'll send him $20 so he can go get fitted twice. LOL We both feel that if this is a financial burden or if he can't make it or he doesn't want to be in it we wish he would let us know instead of having us wait on the edge of our seats 2wks before thewedding to cross that part off of our list. I've never heard of a guy doing this especially if they're bestfriends for 20 plus years. FI does have another BF that has stepped up to the plate a loooooong time ago helping him with little things here and there and hosting his bachelor party. FI feels really bad that he didn't ask him to be BM. I don't know what to say or do for FI to feel better. I would be so hurt too if my bestfriend won't be up there with me. I so wanted to say "Boot his @#% out!" but I kept my month shut.
posted by NorCalBride 307 posts 2 months agoYou are so clever, it wouldnt occur to me to keep my mouth shut but maybe that is best, just be ready to say ITS OK when the other guy flakes and tell your FI it is not his fault. Whatever is going on in the BM's life (if anything) obviously he's not sharing! Maybe he is just a clown who waits till the last minute on things, either way it is inconsiderate, no maybe about it--he is a clown!
posted by Hyacinth 33 posts 2 months agoLOL... He's just been all wierd the last few months. When FI's father passed away a few months ago he called all the time but then the calls stopped. He's also very quiet about the getting married to his GF last month. We all found out after. I think he just had a civil wedding but still we'd all would've like to know to congratulate them. I know FI was hurt he wasn't there for him but again we didn't know it was happening.
posted by NorCalBride 307 posts 2 months agoThis is a good question! I would carefully and cautiously tell your FI to consider making the other friend his best man, since he has already stepped into the position, and make his flaky best friend a groomsmen but the first behind the BM. That way if he flakes no big deal, other than hurt feelings, but your wedding will go on and you wont have to worry about fulfilling the roles. If he is unresponsive by the time you are one week out I would remove him, if he cares, he will call and recify. Remind your FI that what matters is that you guys will be married and the added stress is not worth it. They can work out their relationship without the wedding being involved and maybe after he can take time to have a face to face and focus on their heart-to-heart.
posted by sunsetislove 36 posts 2 months agoUpdate:
FI called BM one more time today and of course had to leave another message on his voicemail. Not even a minute after FI hangs up he received a text message from BM stating that yes he did get fitted but he doesn't know if he'll be able to make it because some guy at work just quit and they're short staffed. Sure, that can be true... the same thing's happening at my job. Of course my kind hearted, always giving people the benefit of doubt FI says well, I understand how work can get sometimes.
HELLLLLLLLLLO! One. He's your best friend! Two. We've been engaged since Feb. 2007! Three. He should've put in a vacation request months ago like normal people that are from out of town. He has worked that job long enough to get seniority
I am secretly disapointed inside eventhough FI accepted it. I personally think it's just a lame excuse.
posted by NorCalBride 307 posts 2 months agoI'm so sorry you're having to deal with this crap so soon before your wedding! I would just tell your FI to call him again and leave a voicemail saying that you want him to feel comfortable at the wedding, and if that means him attending only as a guest, then so be it. Tell him you don't want to put him in any akward positions regarding work and financially. In that way you're giving him an opprutinuty out, and not making him feel like he's letting your FI down, ya know?
I had to do that recently with my "best friend" who was going to be one of my BM's. I was so pissed because it was less than a month and the girl didn't even have a dress. (She's full figured, so of course she would have to order AND get fitted!) It makes you feel like you're not a priority in their life, and like you, everyone knew about this wedding over a year ago! Yes, times are tough, but anyone ever heard of planning ahead!
In the end I approached my friend like so, and she responded that it would save her a pretty penny if she just ousted. (Thanks alot) So, of course I was pissed and disappointed, but also relieved that I didn't have to worry about her anymore. Peace of mind is so worth it! You don't want to see this guy up at the alter next to your man! I would be giving him dirty looks and be pissed he was in my wedding party pics! haha, but that's me.
Let the guy just be a guest for "his own convienence!" Sounds like FI's other friend was ment to be his BM, and fate has a way of working itself out! Let us know how it goes girl!
posted by danigirlygirl 50 posts 2 months agodanigirlygirl: Thanks for the advice. I'm sorry your BM had to back out also. I was down one BM too because she got pregnant. She was definitely scared to tell me but she got the courage to tell me waaaaaaaaay before dresses had to be ordered. Her due date was not far from our wedding date plus she lives out of state. I totally understand. You can't stop life for someone's wedding. Had she lived here and became pregnant I'd definitely still have her in the wedding.
I feel bad for my FI. It just sucks knowing that he does so much for his friends in general and sees nothing in return. He does have another friend that he wished he could've asked to be in the wedding as a groomsmen but he knows it would be rude to ask him two weeks before the wedding. Even though his name is on the top of the list before we made some cuts but he doesn't know that.
Do guys think about stuff like that? I know girls definitely will wonder why I was chosen last. That's why I didn't ask another friend to step in. Too bad there's no guys on here to answer that question. LOL Especially with Football games coming back on they'll be MIA.
posted by NorCalBride 307 posts 2 months ago