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Gosh, those poor girls - and apparently it happens often in that town so for them it's not that out of the norm.
Doesn't it strike you odd that they have a computer but no bathroom in the house?
When I was in 4th grade there was an eleven year old girl at my school who had a baby. The father was 24. Disgusting.
What's tragic is it seems like an ending cycle with this particular group. Yeah it's disgusting and sad, but look at how the grandparents handled the situation. They basically shrugged it off and went about as if it was normal-because sadly it was.
@Honeycomb: LOL, yeah and I couldn't help but notice the satellite dish on the roof.
Oh man... I can't imagine this. I'm twice her age and am absolutely positive that if I had a child right now, I'd be the worst parent ever. It's sad that she'll never be able to live her own life. Poor thing.
I'm just curious...do you think that the father should go to prison? If this had happened in North America, I would say definitely yes. I am always cautious, however, of judging people from other cultures by our standards. It seems that both families believe that there was no wrong doing on the man's part. What do you think?
Based on their cultural norms, I don't think he should. If that were to occur in the U.S., he'd probably either go to prison, or their marriage wouldn't last. However, the chances of them splitting up I think are slim because of cultural values.
@honeycomb: i was thinking the same thing about the bathroom and computer! didnt see the satellite dish though.
i was reading through the comments at the bottom, and some of the people who commented on that article are so rude to that eleven year old girl. that girl has probably seen worse times (and will in the future) than most of them have or will ever see as an eleven year old mother living in poverty (although the computer thing is soo strange and questionable). poor girl. :(
I just feel so sad for her because she doesn't even want to try to continue with her education. And the whole situation can't be good on her young body.
Puddling I was wondering the same thing. I know all those weddings we make fun of where the girls are dresses outrageously is from a similar culture. It's what they know and how they live. We are brought up VERY differently, but she is so happy. I feel sorry for her, but should I?
Bulgaria is part of the European Union and as such shares certain laws and standards with other European countries. What this young man did, whether for love or not, is illegal and he should absolutely be punished for it. Roma gypsies have to follow the laws of the countries they live in. It is quite an easy cop out to claim "cultural differences" when you do something illegal. As for the comments on the computer and satellite, it is pretty safe to assume that money for such technology is coming from family member's (most likely illegal) activities in other European countries. I am not surprised that both of this girls parents work on "farms" in Spain...
My son just turned 11.
He believes in Santa Claus.
He plays with his transformer toys.
He watched Sponge Bob.
To think that a CHILD can be sexualized like that when they're still a child is a crime to me in any country. My son is now going out to play with his little buddies. They're re-working part of their tree fort.
That is how kids should be raised. To be kids WHEN THEY ARE kids. Adulthood will creep up soon enough.
My son doesn't watch R rated movies. We don't watch shows that are open with lots of sexual content either. I don't have T spend the night at our home when my son is here and we're very very careful what goes in his little ears.
Am I a realist? 100 percent. If he has questions in the next year or so we'll answer them. But he's not growing up fast. No way.
That little girls' parents imho should be jailed, not just the creep who impregnated her.
Btw, none of my friends' daughters have started getting Aung Flo yet and they're pretty much right along with me. Some studies have shown that giving a girl a poor diet and eating foods rich in hormones (milk and meats) can bring the menses on much quicker. I still can't believe it about that 11 year old. Sick sick sick.
what's even scarier are some of the comments following the article, condoning it!
This disgusts me. What 19 year old boy needs toget an 11 year old pregnant and marry her?
This is really sad. There's a young girl involved who has no idea what she's getting herself into, and a culture that condones it.
As to the computer/satellite dish: those things are a lot cheaper than building a bathroom, especially if there's no running water or sewer to your house! And many Romas DO work as migrant workers, no need to automatically assume they're engaged in illegal activity. There's a flourishing trade of used computers, cell phones, televisions, cars, etc from western Europe to eastern Europe (some of it stolen, but no all) and those items can be bought rather cheaply.
Well it's apparently a sad situation in that area of Europe. Apparently that culture has a different perspective of child brides as evident in the ages of the grandmothers too and their ages of birth/marriage.
The poor mom according to the article cannot even read or write. My son could read at four. I do not understand some other cultures that would rob their children of BEING children. It is something I cannot at all wrap my brain around.
As for the comments, if it's news in that area of the world, then it must be something those people (sadly and disturbingly) are more accustomed to than we are.
I see it as a robbing of childhood to sexualize a child so early. What 11 year old makes advances to an almost 20 year old on a playground as this girl did? Seriously.
My son (11 also) is far too shy to even talk to a girl who he thinks is cute.
This is so normal in so many cultures that it doesn't surprise me at all. A lot of cultures are like this. Even our western cultures were not so different that long ago. I'm grateful to be born in a country where children- boys and girls alike- are currently so well taken care of and encouraged to become educated and pursue our own happiness.
Where I can't even begin to imagine having a child at 11, I do know what it is like to get your period young. I was in the 5th grade, and I totally freaked out, haha. I'm glad I was home too.
That is a sad story though. If anything I'm more scared for that baby than anyone else. I hope she is healthy and grows up well and is safe. I will def. be praying for them.
I think that we need to be careful with judgement here. We are blaming the parents, the culture, etc, when we should be blaming the poverty of this area. It is much easier to be an attentive parent when things like food and shelter are easily accessible. It is clear here that this girl did not have the proper amount of supervision because her parents had to go to another country to provide for their family. It is also easier for a child to maintain his or her innocence in areas of our country where crime and poverty are not an everyday occurance.
This reminds me of a book that I recently read called Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O'Neill. Basically, the book talks about a little girl who, despite a wonderful heart and a great intelligence, never has a chance to grow up to be anything but what some would consider a "criminal" because of the circumstances surrounding her during childhood. I think that the movie "Precious" that has recently been released basically tells a similar story.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it's important to realise that our lives are often predetermined by the reality that we are born into. There are people out there who are able to overcome a tough upbringing, but they are few and far between.
I have to say this day and age i am not surprised that an 11 yr old girl is pregnant.I have seen the way girls act and dress and if u read the newspaper , this is not all that uncommon for girls to be out there having sex.Girls in this country are having sex at a very young age ..The difference here though, is that most states in the US talk to kids about sex and birth control and what happens( i know some states feel that by NOT talking about , kids won't be all that curious about it , which is WRONG..but thats them) , but as u just heard Noone talked about this with them , and in that culture its a common practice for woman to have sex and kids at a young age. I would not punish the father though ,because unlike alot of guys, he stuck around ..I don't necess. agree with the idea of him marrying her , i think they should take more time to get to know each other ..but i understand in that culture that its the way of the land.
Well I had grandparents who both grew up in poverty. They were very very young during the great depression and my grandfather began working at age 12 and barely was able to attend school because of the tight finances.
My grandmother was denied her childhood too, as her parents both had to work in a factory making pennies during the great depression and she was home taking care of her siblings full time. That was her job cooking and cleaning.
The little girl was raised by her grandma, who sounded as if she was home alot as she was aware of things the girl did in the article.
I feel for kids in that kind of environment, but it makes you wonder about who is in charge of the children or who is their guardian. When you become a parent you kinda things quite differently.
I know if I were in poverty, or that my circumstances were poor, my child would still be my top priority. I'd find a way to be the best mom to him I'd be able to be. I have had a friend who once lived in a homeless shelter and it was after her H left her (she is at my church) and she is and always was a great mom despite being dead broke for a few years. That woman has my 100 percent respect and she's a hero to me btw.
Bellenga, it sounds like your friend is a very strong human being. It's important to put the success stories out there. There is always hope, no matter what the situation.
I guess I kind of took this story to heart. I'm from eastern Europe, and my parents also had to leave to go to another country to make a living (that's actually how we ended up in Canada). My mom was away for 11 months, and my dad for 3 years. We (my siblings and I) stayed with my aunt and uncle, who provided a loving and stable home for us. We were very lucky, and all of us are healthy and successful adults now. But I know that my mom to this day regrets having to leave us. It was the best thing to do to make sure that we had a better future, but it was a very risky move.
Anyway, I'm very off topic now :P I'm just overly sensitive about applying an overly North American perspective to other parts of the world. People out there live lives that we could not possibly understand or even imagine.
I agree with you Ms. Pudding and your family are also heroes to me too! I have a very good friend of mine (actually my ex boyfriend) who is a clinician and he spends two weeks each summer providing health care to foreign people here who do a similar job task to that girls' parents. It has to be very hard to be away from your kids and trust a relative to raise them well in your absence. I hurt for those people but then again, I know I'd walk thru fire for my son and to have enough for a home for him. My friend sees people like that all the time and his heart goes out to them too, that's why he gives them amazing medical care. I also btw, donate $ to his cause/group.
yes young girls are so clueless and even some that are older. They think babies are nothing but cuties wow what areality check.
@opus: good point. when i was in china, we went to this tiiiiny little farming village and they had some sorta faucet so i didnt even think twice about it, but come to think of it they were by a spring and you are right, in some areas with no systems a bathroom would be so hard to build. its so hard to get outta my own perspective sometimes. i feel so spoiled. makes me feel even worse for that girl!!
My family lives near extreme poverty, and I've spent some time in slums. It is extremely common to have satellite or cable TV, but to not have a bathroom! A lot of slums pirate electricity from the grid, so it's free to watch. It's a lot harder to pirate plumbing!
i think its important to remember that these people are not from the US. People have completely different ways of life in other parts of the world. For us its child abuse, for them its normal. If you read the comments at the bottom of the article, the responses are equally strange (from an Americans point of view). Somone wrote that if she's able to get pregnant, then its Gods way of telling her its time to start a family...HUH? I guess we just need to keep things in perspective.
Awww that's too bad. I will pray for her, her little one, and family.
The cycle continues. I deff think he should go to prison. Even though she lied about her age Im sure a grown man could have figured out her age. Besides he had sex with a your inexperienced girl within a week of having met her. Lastly, why are those of us in the US so alarmed? This happens in the US all the time it just so happens it's usually in the poor communities of the US and as a result their realities, experience, and needs often slip thru the cracks!!
As far as the whole "should he go to jail" thing - the article states that the law there is that they are considered underage if they are under 14. Since she's 11, I say that he broke the law and he should be punished for that. I realize that it's a different culture, and I totally understand that, but it's still unlawful there for him to have sex with an 11 year old.
If it were here and it was an older guy having sex with a 15 year old girl (3 years under legal, same as in the story), he would definitely be sent to jail, regardless of whether or not they actually had a relationship.
I also just wanted to agree with those who have said it's not necessarily the fault of the girls parents - it's their culture. I think it's extremely sad that this girl is not going to get to have a real childhood, but I definitely don't think that we can judge something like that that's a completely different culture than what we have here.
so sad... the part that strikes me most is that she is quitting school. i believe that women are the world's greatest untapped resource. things are so much better in many parts of the world now.... but in a lot of countries and communities nothing is really expected/encouraged of women except making babies. i wonder how much different the world would be if women had equal opportunities for quality education (or any education even).
I remember a previous hot topic thread regarding the Gypsy lifestyle. I'm not condoning children brides & mothers in ANY way, but they just live differently than most of us do! Teenage brides are very common in their culture.
However, this story is heartbreaking. She's 11. She shouldn't be married, she shouldn't have given birth... ugh. Her childhood is gone. She's a baby herself! I'm 23 & I couldn't even deal with a baby now!
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FH just showed me this article...so SAD!
http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/news/575565/This-11-year-old-schoolgirl-had-a-baby-on-her-wedding-day.html