Post # 1
had the worse day ever. We are 12 days away from our first wedding anniversary and he threw a phone (hand held land line) full pelt at my face i ducked quickly and it smashed against the wall broken to hell.
hes never been violent or aggressive before. He can get angry but not generally at me. It’s shocked the hell out of me. We live and work together and this happened at work this morning. I left at 5 he walked on an hour ago we’re not speaking I’ve sat in a different room. 20 mins after it happened we had a meeting to attend together. I acted normally for the sake of staff. As did he then he attempted to speak normally to me as if nothing had happened. I said have you got anything to say to me he said no if your waiting for an apology you have a long wait coming. I said did you throw that at me he said yes I said you would have smashed my head in he said it missed didn’t it and walked away.
it wasn’t even a row I asked him to make a call to a difficult customer he wouldn’t then he snatched the phone off me said you can go and f&&@ yourself I’m done with you and then bang….
so what now? I’m not scared of him but I think my marriage is over?? I have no friends and my mum lives in another country? I love my business if I walk away from him I walk away from that? For the first time in my life I don’t know what to do or where to turn. We have been together years and years and years
Post # 2
Counseling. Maybe he needs to move out?
Post # 3
Oh boy. This to me is a dealbreaker no matter what. I’m sorry.
Post # 4
Kick him out. I would also report him to HR since this incident happened at work. This is a dealbreaker for me, I’d be done.
Post # 5
Um…. i would say run… but I dont like telling people to get divorced.. so I will suggest you try therapy first. Together and some for him on his own too. Im sure there was something building up that lead to the outburst.. so he needs to addresse that. And he needs to appologize. If it happens again then leave.
Post # 6
I’m sorry, Bee, but I think you’re right, this is a marriage-ending move. I’m astounded that he doesn’t feel remorse that he could have smashed your face. Staying at this point will signal to him that telling you to f**k off and becoming violent is acceptable behavior when he is angry. I would definitely ask him to move out or move out yourself to get some clarity.
Post # 7
Take it from me, as a woman who had a man (my ex husband) start by throwing objects, then by throwing punches, therapy will not help.
He just planted multiple seeds- (1) that he has physical domain over you (2) he will wait and see how you ‘retaliate’ after he just asserted himself in that aggressive manor. Your reaction here will be the difference maker, and my suggestion is divorce papers. If you bend, at all, you have shown him just what he can get away with. He will push that line you draw further and further until “throwing a phone” doesn’t seem so bad.
ETA: don’t be surprised if he promises to never do it again and becomes the nicest, most caring person in the world (for a while) until he does it again…
Post # 8
Actually, therapy is NOT recommended for situations where one spouse is abusive. What he did to you was both abusive and violent. I think you are right to consider this the end of the relationship.
I’m very sorry this is happening to you. If you want someone to talk to, the National Domestic Violence hotline is there for you. I also recommend circling family and friends around you, staying with them or having them stay with you if needed, and talking to a lawyer ASAP to see what the best way is to handle things–both in terms of safely leaving and handling the complicated situation at work.
Stay safe, OP.
Post # 9
I think you need to get to a lawyer ASAP to see about what steps you need to take to keep your business and draft divorce papers. I would pack necessities and get out tonight. Crash on a friend’s couch if nothing else.
This behavior is NEVER ok. And it is, like PP said, just the start. The ball is in your court. Don’t stick around to see what is next. Trust me.
Post # 10
The worse thing is I can’t throw him out. This house is in his name not joint something that I’ve never ever been concerned about. He’s had it forever the mortgage is paid off in 6 months time. We have a daughter who’s 3 and his children my step sons live here. Where do I go mid week with my daughter and 3 dogs. Our business and babies have been our everything I’ve had no time for friends there is no one. My mum is 1400 miles away I could get pet passports and set off driving yes. But we have our own business I’ve ploughed my life and every penny I had and I’ll have to walk away. Technically tomorrow at 830 we will have to be at work together yes we are no where near each other separate ends of the building doing different things. He has no remorse he wanted that phone to hit me we haven’t spoken all day unless we had to in that meeting. I’m at one end of the house in one room right now and he’s the other. I am not scared of him or frightened I’m so devastated that our marriage ended today but also realising that there is no one to help us … omg he’s just un- friended me on Facebook of all the things pathetic!
Post # 11
I would absolutely go no contact, get him to move out if I could, move out myself if I couldn’t, and file divorce papers. The fact that he doesn’t seem to feel remorse is just a bonus. The fact is that he THREW A PHONE AT YOUR HEAD. He didn’t know you were going to move in time to avoid it. He intended to hurt you. It wouldn’t change a thing if he immediately felt (or seemed to feel) remorse and begged forgiveness. He’s crossed that line, and is now more likely to cross it in the future.
Besides, he’s shown you that his idea of “love” can involve seriously hurting his partner. Is that the kind of love you want?
Post # 12
He ment it, the look of sheer hatred on his face his gritted teeth the bulging eyes he looked like something demented. And he turned and walked away. I’ll never ever get over that look it’s got to be over
Post # 13
Put you and your daughter first! Good luck bee. =(
Post # 14
I would not tolerate abuse and that is def abuse. If he did that, just think what else he is capable of. You said you werent afraid of him, maybe you should be and put up a guard for protection. I would pack everything, get out as fast as I could and seek legal counsel. Nobody deserves that Bee.
Post # 15
It’s interesting that some people would jump straight into suggesting getting a divorce given that OP noted that “hes never been violent or aggressive before” Granted that his behaviour is inexcusable, I would suggest that the first step would be to get individually or couples counselling to explore what happened, other issues in the relationship, explore his actions, anger management, possible mental health issue and to decide if it’s time to move on from the relationship or it’s something you two can salvage. I also suggest creating a safe plan in case you don’t feel safe in the home, or if the behaviour repeats itself a home. Have a few things packed up that are important, a few numbers to call if you need to leave the house in an emergency. OP, check with HR to see if there’s a program that offers counselling to employees and you could possibly be able to speak with a counselor today to discuss the next step or look into calling a women’s helpline in your area for emotional support, crisis counseling, creating a safety plan and information for counselling.