- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
When I was 15 I met someone, who had I not done, I probably wouldn’t be here today. He lived a 2 hour journey from me, but we saw each other every weekend, every holiday, every day that we could.
At first we started off as friends… I knew he liked me but I was in such a bad place with really bad continous bullying at school and people sh*tting on me from a great height that I couldn’t let anything more than friendship happen between us.
But then we grew closer and closer and eventually we were officially together.
Then today, 14 years ago in 1999, 2 weeks before my 18th birthday, he drowned in a canoeing/WW2 reeactment accident at a huge show here in the UK. He and his friend thought it would be fun thing to do… to go down the river. Anyway, things went wrong, and before I knew it J was in the water trying to swim to the side. I was there. I saw it all happen. Along with two other people. He had lots of clothing/battle reenactment gear on, and also got hit on the head I believe, and wasn’t a strong swimmer, and so drowned.
Whilst they were looking for him in the water it was the longest 2-3 hours of my life. I couldn’t even remember where the accident took place to tell where the emergency services to go to…..I couldn’t cry….I couldn’t remember my parents phone numbers to call them. I was numb. Luckily, I wasn’t on my own at this point. I’d managed to scream for help (people didn’t believe me and refused to help!!), run about a mile across fields to tell his family, and we were all there panic striken. Waiting. Hoping.
So today is that day. Or at least it’s the Friday of the show. It’s the day I always find hardest. But the actual date isn’t until next week. I still go to the show, as do his family whom I still remain very close to (we all socialise in the same 40’s/50’s scene). But this year it’s moved locations. Something that has scared me, as going down the river and being there was the only way I knew how to deal with it.
I am with someone wonderful, whom I love to pieces, and am going to marry in December which I totally cannot wait for! But he doesn’t quite get it. I would probably be the same if I was in his shoes. He can’t understand why I still get upset. He thinks I must be in love with him still. I can’t explain it myself. All I know is that for about 3 weeks around this time of year, I am a bit of a mess at times.
This year, FI is coming with me to the show. One of the reasons why I always go is because I am involved in some of the entertainment, which I love doing. We will be going past the old venue on the way to the new one, and I’d like to stop in to put some flowers down, but still haven’t asked FI if it’s ok if we stop there. I’m too scared to and don’t want to upset him. It’s too far away for me to go any other time 🙁 Any words of advice bee’s??? I just want to go down the river, put some flowers down and have my few minutes there, and for him to not be in a grump or upset about it.