Post # 1
Hi everyone, I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we have given serious thought into getting engaged soon. The only thing is that he is 43 and I am 25, and I have been getting crap for it for almost out entire relaionship, from my parents, friends and other family members. He was engaged 6 years prior to meeting me and the woman walked away from it unexpectedly. Anyway, we met very randomly, he was sitting next to me in a coffee shop and we just struck up conversation and it ended with him asking me out for a drink. I thought he was 30ish, 35 tops. I got a little too tipsy the first time we went for drinks and asked him his age towards the end of the night. He said “flip your age around and add nine” (I was 23 at the time) it took me many tries until he started laughing and admitted he was 41. I surprisingly didn’t care, in fact i thought it was beyond sexy how old he was. He had an extremely young spirit, without being annoying/trying to act my age or immature. I was completely smitten, so quickly. We started dating pretty quickly after that. We compliment each other well, and in my eyes, it is the most perfect, respectful and loving realtionship I have ever had the pleasure of being in and witnessing. Has anyone else here had this much of an age difference with a fiance/boyfriend? My BF isn’t “rich” but does have a job that allows us to travel, etc, but I am fortunate to have a good job as well. I guess I just need a friend, or a few, right now that have been in my situation. I am having a ridiculously difficult time convincing people my BF isn’t some creepy old weirdo who just wants a young woman, in fact, he’s quite the sexy salt and pepper dude. Any advice, tips, stories. I just need something :?/ thanks in advance ladies.
Post # 2
- Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle
If it’s love it’s love. Who cares what they say if your both happy. Just point at Catherine Zeta Jones and Micheal Douglas, it works for them.
I once dated an older man. I was 22 and he was 42 it was pretty hot. I get it totally.
Post # 3
I don’t know if there really is anything to say to help as only the two of you truly know your relationship and where it’s going. Just make sure you realllllllly talk about your future and what you want. I had a friend that was dating an older man about your same age difference and after 10 years she really wanted to have kids but by then he was unable to. Make sure you are on the same page on religion, sex (men’s sex drive and “adeclines starts to decline mid 40’s and women’s rev up in early 30’s), where you are going to live, if you are still in school, kids, how to raise them, etc. Realllllly be open and honest and make sure you just aren’t arm candy for him. I know I tried dating a younger man after my divorce and heck no… We had barely anything in common. It’s just easier to align yourself in the dating pool with those your own age and education level.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema
FI and I have the same age difference, I’m 28 and he’s 47. Surprisingly no one has ever said anything about out gap! We do complement each other perfectly though and everyone says this.
If you know he’s the one, he’s the one and age really doesn’t matter. And what other people think doesn’t matter.
As long as you’re on the same page about the big things and are together for the right reasons, ignore the negative people and enjoy your relationship 🙂
Post # 5
The only thing I sometimes see in age gap couples which I don’t like is that the older partner can have more power… not in a bad way, but simply because they have more life experience and can feel like they have to “lead” the couple. This is bad news… you want a partner, not a replacement parent figure. So that’s something to watch out for.
The other thing I would be careful with is to make sure you are on the same page about having children. Sometimes the older partner can feel like having kids is a young person’s game, and they don’t want a family, but the younger partner does.
I would say that if neither of those things are a problem for you, you’re pretty good to go.
Post # 6
There is almost 21 years difference between FI and I. We have been together for 9 years (living together for 8) and are planning our wedding for 2015.
We are very fortunate as both our families have been very accepting and supportive from the very beginning, I think they realised quickly that we weren’t out to hurt the other person and they saw how happy we were together.
We are definitely an equal partnership with similar views on all the important things and we have so much in common… a lot of people comment on how similar we are and seem surprised at how well we get on lol.
There’s no denying it’s a big age gap and I know it’s hard for people who don’t know us to understand it but you can’t help who you fall in love with. We didn’t go out looking for someone significantly older/younger and this probably wouldn’t work with most people our ages (31 and 52) but we are living proof that there are exceptions to every ‘rule’ 🙂
Post # 7
I am with someone who is ten years older. So I don’t think we ever got flack over our ages. The way I look at it is..you met after you have had some life experiences. You feel comfortable with him etc.
Yet there is the future to think of. Men like women after 40+ years can have deformed or no sperm at all. You might get healthy children or however a majority of children created by older parents will be special needs.
What is going to happen in twenty years will you be willing to look after him as his body is settling in his twilight years, while you still have your final years in youth before middle age? At the end of the the relationship is between you both. I don’t know what more to add.
Post # 8
yellowruby: My grandparents were 17 years apart so I obviously don’t have a problem with this. My grandpa was almsot going off to war when my grandma was being born.
Although times are different now than they were back then, I see no problem with your bf being 18 years older than you. It is YOUR relationship and YOUR happiness. Like others have stated, make sure that you guys are on the same page on topics such as children, etc. You could tell more that my grandparents were a larger amount of years apart when he was dying and she was taking care of him, as well as the 5ish years before that. Keep that in mind too, that he may die many years before you do – although that isn’t always guaranteed.
Post # 9
I agree about making it VERY clear between the two of you that you are indeed compatible in what you want in life. I once dated a 50 yr old man when I was 30. He was young in spirit, very physically active, and was financially very successful. He would tell me all the time how much he LOVES children and how he enjoyed raising his son and being a parent, etc. I thought that meant he loved being a father and was open to having children. NOPE. When men reach a certain age (women do this too) they become more set in their ways and it’s harder for them to change – esp their lifestyle. I learned that as much as he loved how he saw himself as this man who is crazy about children and loved being a dad, deep down he valued his freedom and flexibility more. So if you really love this man, make sure YOU know exactly what you’re getting yourself into and that what he wants is what you want.
Post # 10
I agree the only big issue I can forsee is children. Do you want kids? Have you talked about how he might feel dealing with a young child at an older age?
It certainly can be done, just make sure you understand each other.
Post # 11
I’m there with that. Be on the same page babieswise and consider how you will feel knowing that he is significantly older and therefore you are more likely to be widowed at a slightly younger age than some of your peer group. In saying that, as long as you communicate, consider all of the future consequences and are happy with what they may hold in store, don’t listen to ther people. Your family love you and therefore they worry. Your friends want to gossip so they make an issue out of something that means absolutely nothing to them. It is you, your happiness and your future that you have to be selfish about. Thats all.
Post # 12
My husband is 15 years older than me and we got married last year. I got married as an older bride. I think my family in my case was just happy to see me finally get a husband. Had I been 25 in the same position, though, I am almost positive they would have felt the same way your family does.
Those magical connections that bring a man and woman to the alter don’t come around often in life. Most of your family members will adjust in time and see how wonderfully your man treats you.
I like the stability and the babying that my husband gives me. I didn’t know any man my age who would have babied me. Most age gap relationships have some kind of extra benefit to it like that — you get something out of it that someone your own age might not give you.
I hope your relationship blossoms and you head to the alter happliy!
Post # 13
yellowruby: I think people are way too concerned about age differences. Obviously, I can understand concern about an 18 year old and a 40 year old but once you are talking about adults, it matters less and less
Post # 14
I’m usually skeptical of big age gaps when the girl is early-mid twenties because that’s my age and I think if my friend started dating some 45 year old dude I’d be worried he’d take advantage of her. But you know what? The older I get and now that I got married I realize people just get to live their lives. As long as he is really good to you, I don’t see what difference it makes.
I would have a long talk with your parents. Explain that it’s not about money or latching onto his stability (sounds like you’re going fine with your own job anyway) and that he’s just a great, respectful partner and you love him. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a frank conversation with them but it might help. That way they can say anything that concerns them, because they love you, and you can answer so they feel more comfortable.
As long as you agree on the big things-kids, religion, careers, where to live, what his/your retirement looks like, I don’t think there’s an inherent problem.
Post # 15
I think part of it depends on whether it looks like you’re dating your dad… like Marykate Olsen does