Weddingbee boards

I'm having a dilemma my fellow bees. Ok So I come a huge family and so does my Fi we also have a very large group of friends. My issue is i NEED to keep my wedding to about 130-150 ppl and i have to limit the +1's. My initial idea is Married Couples, My Bridal Party and If I know your SO then you get a plus 1 but if I have never met them or you just started dating you don't. This has been going VERY well, until my one guest (friend) called me "Rude and Insulting" he says "Its like me inviting you FI to the wedding and not you" I corrected him and said "No its not because you know me, we're friends," He said "Its your wedding do what you want, but you're going to piss off A LOT of ppl" Ugh and then i got nervous because i know he's probably right. Any idea's or help?

Engaged, live together, or know them well seems to be like a good rule of thumb. People will just have to get over themselves. 

I'm picking and choosing my +1's... we have some university friends coming from another city and they will all be sitting together. Since they all know each other and are not in serious relationships I don't see the need for me to pay for randoms to eat :) 

However, I do have a few people coming who won't know many others so I'm giving them the +1 option 

I agree with the PP, it's incredibly rude of that guest to do that to you.  I think the general etiquette rule is to invite +1 if the person is engaged, live-in partners and for people who will not know anyone else.  Ie. A cousin does not need/get to invite his latest girlfriend of 4 days.   As a member of an extended family who believes in "the more the merrier" my guest list could easily go from 100 to 150 in a matter of seconds. 

I think most people realize that weddings are expensive and if only their name is on the invite it's just meant for them.  However, there will always be those people who ask so you could say, "I am so sorry, but due to space limitations we simply cannot accomodate extra guests."  I feel for you!!  I am not looking forward to sending out invites because of this.

I was complaining to my mom about this yesterday and she said, "Engaged, living together or married. You have to draw the line somewhere." So I did! 

I'm going through the whole plus one deal now, and it is a big PITA. I'm doing basically the same thing you describe--plus ones to the bridal party and people in longterm relationships, otherwise no plus ones. Everyone invited to the wedding knows other people who will be there, so no one without a plus one will be awkward or lonely. I think what you're doing is totally fine, as long as everyone knows other people there. Try to ignore that guy, you just can't please everyone I guess, but I think @deathbydesign said it best: no one is entitled to be invited to a party.

I can understand why people want to have a date at a wedding, but honestly, if you just started dating, then it's not my responsibility to pay for your random date to eat for the night.  If the two of you want a "date night" then arrange for one between the two of you.  A wedding is about having people around you that love and support you, not random strangers that only serve the purpose of being your arm candy for the evening.

Because of this, we're inviting people who are engaged or living together or dating for more than 6 months and we've met them and +1's for our bridal party.  Anyone else, even long time friends and some family members are not getting a date.  The last time one of my long time friends invited a "date" to an event it was a total train wreck, the guy was a total bigot and proceeding to hit on me the whole night even though I was with my FI.  And all so my friend wasn't "single" for the night.  Not worth it IMO.  I'd rather just have my friend there whose company I can enjoy and who isn't forced to entertain some random dude that's just taking up space...

@Bostongrl25:  I don't think its rude at all, i think ppl take the whole "ettiquette" thing out of proportion. My FI cowoker got married and invited him and not me and i was ok with that because basically i had NEVER met this guy in my life. I think people are just entirely TOO sensitve

@Bostongrl25:  what classifies it as being rude? I'm not trying to come off in a mean way by any means. I'm just trying to understand where you are coming from. I Just don't see the big deal in going to a wedding Solo

well, i think it's tough to tell someone that basically their relationship is not serious enough to warrant an invite. if someone is in a relationship, they should get to bring that person whether it's 6 months or 6 years.

that said, i totally get not wanting to invite someone who is completely single and will bring just a friend or random person. the only exception would be if the person didn't know anyone else at the wedding.

@Bostongrl25:  Yeah, I think I'll have to politely disagree on this as well. Someone else's wedding isn't about evaluating the legitimacy of another couple's committment, it's about being surrounded by those close to you. Regardless of level of committment to each other, if a couple isn't inviting plus ones it is likely one of two reasons:

- to save money 

- to be surrounded only by their closest pals

In either one of these scenarios, a plus one they don't know well just doesn't cut the mustard. It's not personal, and I would think a friend would be happy to share their big day with them regardless of who they're invited with. 

(I do understand exceptions for people who don't know others at the wedding, though. But if you have friends and family going, I don't see the big deal)

stop worrying about other people's comments. i think it's totally acceptable not to give +1s to YOUR WEDDING. 

it makes sense with family because theyll have other people to hangout with and can feel comfortable even w/o their s/o.

one tip is if it's someone you're inviting, that wont know anyone else, id consider either NOT inviting them or giving them a plus one. i went to a coworkers wedding where i know i got a pity +1 :) but it's cause i only wouldve known her at the wedding!

@Bostongrl25:  I definitely get what you're saying about using rules like 'engaged' or 'living together' - which was my original suggestion. It's true, cause those definitions really don't mean anything in terms of who knows the couple, which is what I would deem most important (for me).

IMO...unless I know both halves of the couple - no ring, no bring.

the only exception is if that person would know no one else at the wedding (which is highly unlikely).

It's not like i'm asking someone to go somewhere solo. Everyone in their circle of friends will be there.

I know the +1 rule for living together, engaged, or married sounds like it makes sense and is fair, but it isn't as easy as it sounds. My BF's coworker is getting married in May and sending out invitations sometime in February. At that time my BF and I will be "just dating". Well, we will be engaged and announcing it by the end of the month and will most likely be living together by that wedding. It puts everyone in an awkward position because if I am not invited, it is weird socially (you aren't going to put an engaged man at a singles table, are you?). This happens a ton where I live (summer leases are common, so that's when the moving and weddings happen. The rule I hope is follow is official couples, invited with the names, and keep sleeping arrangements and cold feet out of it.

I feel like...if they care matter they won't mind. if they mind, they don't matter.

People who are close to you will understand why you have to make hard decisions. If they don't understand, they probably aren't as important to you as someone else you would be able to invite.

We're pretty far out, but as of right now, we are planning on giving +1s to our single friends and family, even if they aren't in relationships. Luckily, the majority of our friends are married, engaged or in otherwise serious, long-term relationships. However, I wouldn't feel right not allowing a single friend to bring a date if they wanted to. I understand not wanting/being able to do that, but I guess I would feel guilty and feel like I was discriminating against any friends and family for not being in committed relationships.