Post # 1
So I just got an email from a very good friend of mine with what I think is a really rude request. He lives a couple of hours north so we don’t see eachother often in person but keep in touch via email, phone, text etc. Now, he’s got a girlfriend whom I’ve never met. Even though we explicitely did not give him a +1 (again, we’ve never even met this girl) he now emailed to ask if he could bring her and said that HE WOULD CHIP IN IF WE’RE ON A TIGHT BUDGET!
I’m so outraged right now, I feel like he’s pushing me into a corner I don’t want to be in. I don’t want this girl at the wedding as we’ve made a point of only inviting people we know personally. Yes, other people got +1s because we know their partner well. I’m so annoyed that he’s assuming he can just buy her into the wedding!!!
Am I overreacting? Is there any way of saying ‘Hell will freeze over before we extend the guestlist further’ without losing this friend?
Post # 3
IDK. I think it’s petty. He comes stag, finds out someone else brought a +1…he’s gonna get pissed at you because he couldn’t bring his +1. but that’s my opinion and thats the guilty kind of conscious I have. But it’s your wedding. Talk to your FI and see what he has to say.
Post # 4
His norm (like mine) is that +1s are always given, your norm is that they’re not. He’s trying to meet you in the middle rather than be immediately offended, you might want to do the same.
Post # 5
Personally, I think if anyone needs to travel to attend, they should be given a +1, whether or not you’ve met their SO. Yes, it was rude of him to ask, but it was a courtesy you should have extended to him from the beginning.
Post # 6
@Oxfordnerd: Have you asked them how long they have been together? Maybe they have been dating for a while or live together?
I don’t think he was “backing you into a corner.” It was probably an innocent request. Invitations do not explicitly say “Only you, no plus 1.” So he may not have been aware of general etiquette.
The other day my FI received an invitation with only his name on it. We have been together for 11 years. We will be married by the time the wedding comes around. He politely asked the groom if I could attend as well. The groom said yes, it turns out the bride did not know my name and so she left it off. Simple as that.
I would suggest cooling your jets. Talk to him and see where it goes. If you could squeeze her in, it could work out. Just because she is 1 person you don’t know doesn’t mean it is the end of the world. He may feel like he barely knows anyone there and would like have his girlfriend attend.
If you absolutely cannot accomodate her, then be polite about informing him of that.
ETA: The last option on the poll would be far ruder than what you think he is doing by the way. You should never consider having someone pay to attend your wedding. Never.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
I would just let him know it’s a space issue, and you’ve only invited those really close to you.
In other words, wow, how rude to assume anything. Just be quiet, eat your dinner, and enjoy the party with the rest of ’em.
Post # 8
I don’t think you’re going to win here. He is going to be offended that others are given a +1 and not him. Wedding planning is so stressful! I am so glad we only have a few weeks to go!
Post # 9
I think it’s rude to expect him to travel a few hours to celebrate your love, while not allowing him to bring his girlfriend.
Post # 10
I am with the others, I think since he has to travel he should have a +1.
Post # 11
@AmyFarrahFowler: Agreed. Anyone who identifies themselves as being in a relationship should be allowed to bring their SO, and anyone who travels should definitely be given a +1 as well.
Post # 12
They’ve only been together for a few months and certainly don’t live together, plus he will know people at the wedding. I’ve always attended weddings by myself (even when FI were living together) because of the ‘no ring no bring’ policy and only recently have invitations been extended to FI. I always felt that the guest list is the perogative of the bride and groom so I’m really surprised by this request. Is ‘no ring no bring’ not that common elsewhere?
Post # 13
I don’t think what he did was as outrageous as you think. I am with you tho. We had a very big no stranger rule at our wedding. If he is a very good friend then he should know other people there then?
Post # 14
@Mrs. Gremmlin: ‘Just be quiet and eat your dinner’ – that doesn’t sound like a good way to enjoy the wedding you’ve spent months or even years planning and sunk all your savings into… I know they say the wedding is for the family but surely that goes a little far?
Post # 15
I think the fact that he offered to pay for her plate is generous of him. Expecting him to travel alone is kind of a stretch. I’m inviting about 7 close friends from several hours away to mine without +1’s, but they’re all close friends with one another and are traveling together so they don’t mind (I checked). See what he’s willing to chip in, and if you can squeeze her at his table then do it. I don’t think it’s worth getting worked up over.
Post # 16
@Oxfordnerd: Ive never heard of the phrase ” no ring, no bring”, but I would say in this day in age that is slightly outdated.
My husband and I owned a house together before I had a ring. We were living together after only a few months of dating, and it was serious from the beginning. Just because he’s not engaged to this girl doesnt mean she isnt important to him.