+1's

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

There are actually a lot of threads on this topic already (sorry I would search for you, but I’m on my iPad which makes everything more difficult.) my personal opinion is people can do whatever they want as long as they are consistent. Since it appears your wedding is more than a year away, I suspect you will understand why people have to be stingy as you get closer to it- there are many reasons… Weddings are SO expensive, for many people if they give out a lot if +1s that means less of *their* friends can be invited, like they don’t want people there whom they barely know, sometimes there simply isnt enoughh physical room even if money isnt an issue, etc.

Post # 4
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@b53191:  For the most part, contemporary etiquette mavens agree that couples who are cohabiting or engaged should receive invitations jointly. Personally speaking? I wouldn’t feel comfortable excluding the SOs of people who I knew were in relationships!

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

We gave married or common law marriages +1s.

The only people that left in a relationship but without a date is a friend from high school (5 friends from high school all shared a ride to our wedding), and my 20 year old sister (who was MOH, and her BF of 5 years has a permanent restraining order against my Dad)

Post # 6
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@b53191:  Etiquette requires that couples who are 1) married, or 2) engaged, or 3) who are living together be invited together (the latter category because etiquette presumes they are secretly married.)

Post # 7
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

The bride and groom should be able to do whatever they want as long as they’re consistent.

We did not allow random +1s but the people who were invited were lucky to even be invited because I didn’t want to have a wedding anyway. I wanted to keep the numbers down not due to price but because I was being forced to have a wedding in the first place. I ended up with 43 guest and only one couple who was not engaged or married only because my MIL invited them behind my back.

For some people, weddings are very expensive and they don’t want to pay for the random people. For just food and drinks alone, my small wedding was $125 pp. 

Post # 8
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@b53191:  We did not give +1s.  Our wedding is small an intimate so we only invited close friends and family, no random guests.

Post # 9
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Everybody gets them on our guest list, I personally think that’s just the nice way of doing it. 

Post # 10
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Brielle:  interesting! It has always bothered me that people who are living together get invited, but people who might be similarly committed but choose to not live together don’t, but that explanation puts it in a different light and makes more sense! (Obviously it doesn’t apply as much today with so many people living together, but its still nice to know from a historical etiquette perspective, plus I suppose you could say it gives the benefit of the doubt to those living together!)

Post # 12
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@red_rose:  I totally understand. 🙂  Because of our faith, my DH and I did not believe in the concept of living together (or even having sex) prior to marriage, and I can see how some individuals may find this etiquette “exemption” for those who do to be confusing or frustrating.

Our resident etiquette expert in the Hive, Aspasia475, does a magnificent job of explaining this in the following post:

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/looking-to-uninvite-someone-to-my-wedding/page/2#post-5673577

Post # 13
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Pinkmoon:  I agree, though I know that many others differ.

We’re having an intimate wedding–around 20 people total. Everyone can bring a date if they want to. I want people to be happy and comfortable!

Post # 14
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

@b53191:  Personally, I would be offended. My sister and her SO have been together 10 years. However, they do not live together.

And I’ve had more then one friend live together for 3, 4 or even 5 years without marrying. How is their relationship any less serious then people who have only been married for minutes?

Post # 16
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I didn’t want any ‘random’ guests, but gave +1s to anyone in a committed relationship.

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