+1's and Head Table vs. Sweetheart Table

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@fzesguer:  Invite the gfs of the two GMs who are in relationships. If the gfs come, sit them with whoever you think they would be most comfortable with. If they don’t know anyone else, that probably means sitting them with other girls about their age. It’s also nice if they end up sitting fairly close to the head table so they’re at least kind of near their bfs.

A lot of people say GMs must always get an automatic +1, but I disagree. I see no need to give the single GMs a +1, if no other single guests are getting a +1 either.

Post # 4
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@fzesguer:  Don’t worry hon I’m sure there’s a solution out there that will work for you!  How about a table with you, your man, and the parents?  Or just the best man and MOH?  Or if you have grandparents attending that could be a cute way to honor them, to sit at a table with just them.  Don’t sweat it being traditional, you can sit wherever you like, and odds are you won’t be doing it for very long from what I hear so it probably won’t matter as much as you think.

I think you’re kind of stuck giving the groomsmen +1s, from what I understand it’s kind of a hard and fast rule, but don’t stress out about their bet.  Boys get together and that kind of thing happens.  It doesn’t mean they’re disrespecting your wedding, just that they’re boys and enjoy both competing and boobs, which is practically universal 😉  Also if you’re going to get upset if people treat your wedding reception like a party prepare yourself for some hurt feelings, because to 95% of the people in attendance that’s exactly what it is.  Good luck with planning!  I haven’t gotten to the seating chart yet but I imagine that’ll be one of the most stressful parts, hang in there!

Post # 7
1243 posts
Bumble bee

I would definitely give the two GM a +1. I’m not sure where this idea that if you don’t know anyone, you can’t have a good time comes from. Some of my best friends I met at parties where I literally knew only one person, and then quickly came to meet others.

I do like the idea of a table with you guys and your parents.  To me, the day is just as much about parents as it is us, so to be able to highlight and celebrate them in that way seems really sweet.

Post # 8
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am in the camp of anyone in the bridal party getting a +1. They are doing a lot for you – the least you can do in return is allow them to bring someone if they want.

Post # 9
6166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

don’t do your seating chart until you get all the rsvps back. invite the GMs with their girlfriends.  if they respond with yes for both, then seat accordingly.

we are having a sweetheart table, but we are splitting the wedding party up among the other guests.  some have significant others, others are single.  but the whole wedding party is not friends with each other so we are sitting them with who they would want to sit with.



Post # 10
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@fzesguer:  Respectfully, I’m still on the fence about the +1’s, mostly to show them that my wedding isn’t the time or the place for all that,

What is that supposed to mean?  Sorry, but everyone in your bridal party should get a +1.  They are doing so much for you and doing you a great honor by standing up for you on your big day.  I think the least you can do is let them bring a date so that they can enjoy your wedding.  Also, they both have GFs, so it’s kind of hypocritical to ask them to celebrate your love, but completely ignore theirs. =/
However, I totally undestand your issue with bridal party seating.  Head tables suck because it means yoru bridal party has to sit away from their SO’s and they only have 1 or 2 people to talk to.  But they are nice because you are not sitting all alone.  We did a modified head table that included just me, H, my MOH, and has BM.  The rest of the bridal party sat at 2 tables next to us with their SOs.  BM’s GF also sat with the rest of the BP, but we made sure there was an extra chair so that the BM could sit with her during the majority of the reception (after toasts and dinner).
I would encourage you think about what your BP would want.  Would they want to sit at a head table?  Also, even you have a sweetheart table, you are only the center of attention for a brief moment while toasts are being made.  After that, people will be busy eating and dancing.  I definetly did not feel like people were always staring at us.  So I wouldn’t worry about it too much!

Post # 12
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I loved our sweetheart table.  I honestly felt like we were alone and no one was looking at us.  Maybe it was the fresh newlywed bubble, but it felt more private than a head table.  A head table is where all the action is and everyone’s attention is.  Put your bridal party at a table with their dates (the ones you want there) and they’ll have a great time.  You can sit with your parents and grandparents, or on your own.  Just don’t have a focal point and no one will be looking at you.  Our sweetheart table was kind of hidden in the corner, it was great. 

I see you beat me to it – but if you change your mind again.  🙂

Post # 13
10454 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@paula1248:  I agree.

Don’t give the GMs a +1, invite their SOs.

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