Post # 1
I’m going crazy with my seating/guest list situation. Any feedback/help would be greatly appreciated. Sorry this is so long.
I’m just going to explain my rationale for not wanting to give my GM a +1 and for wanting a head table, as it developed over time:
- Because of miscommunication w/ the reception venue, I thought our 130 guests were right at their limit of capacity for 15 guest tables. Easy solution: 9-person head table w/ bridal party, and 15 guest tables for their significant others (long-time BFs and GFs who are comfortable sitting apart from my bridal party), and everyone else.
- I HATE being the center of attention, and I would probably have an anxiety attack at being at a 2-person sweetheart table. This justified my choice of a head table.
- Just 2 months ago, my FI added another friend as a GM. Before this, (as far as I knew), all the original GM were single. These guys also bet each other, in my presence (and no, they were NOT kidding), about whose date would have the biggest t*ts. This led to a blanket rule of, if you’re single, you get no +1.
- New GM has a long-time gf who I know and have met before, but am not close with. FI talked to this GM and told him that if he brought his gf, she might have to sit apart from him. She also won’t know any of the “regular guests” and would probably not have a good time. New GM understood and said he might not even bring her with him. He said it was fine since our wedding is in the morning, and he’ll still have the afternoon/evening to spend time with her.
- Turns out, one of our original GM has been dating someone for the past few months. I’ve never met her, but my FI has met her twice, but can’t remember her name and didn’t say more than “Hi” to her.
- The miscommunication was cleared up with our venue. We can have up to 20 guest tables, so technically there’s no need to have a head table. But I still feel like we need one. I’m really, really afraid I’ll have a panic attack if I’m left alone with my husband at a sweetheart table and all eyes are on us.
So here are my questions: I’d really like to stick with the head table. Do I just invite the 2 girlfriends and seat them at the same table?
I don’t even think the original GM is seriously dating this girl, they might just be hooking up here and there and just happened to meet my FI twice. I’d love to ask this GM if he thinks he’ll bring her or not, but I’m not sure how to broach the subject.
I don’t want to lift the blanket rule of no automatic +1’s for the GM, because my wedding is NOT the place to have a big t*ts contest. It’s a religious occasion, and the reception is not a “party” by their standards. It’s a celebration of our love with mostly family and family friends.
Post # 3
@fzesguer: Invite the gfs of the two GMs who are in relationships. If the gfs come, sit them with whoever you think they would be most comfortable with. If they don’t know anyone else, that probably means sitting them with other girls about their age. It’s also nice if they end up sitting fairly close to the head table so they’re at least kind of near their bfs.
A lot of people say GMs must always get an automatic +1, but I disagree. I see no need to give the single GMs a +1, if no other single guests are getting a +1 either.
Post # 4
@fzesguer: Don’t worry hon I’m sure there’s a solution out there that will work for you! How about a table with you, your man, and the parents? Or just the best man and MOH? Or if you have grandparents attending that could be a cute way to honor them, to sit at a table with just them. Don’t sweat it being traditional, you can sit wherever you like, and odds are you won’t be doing it for very long from what I hear so it probably won’t matter as much as you think.
I think you’re kind of stuck giving the groomsmen +1s, from what I understand it’s kind of a hard and fast rule, but don’t stress out about their bet. Boys get together and that kind of thing happens. It doesn’t mean they’re disrespecting your wedding, just that they’re boys and enjoy both competing and boobs, which is practically universal 😉 Also if you’re going to get upset if people treat your wedding reception like a party prepare yourself for some hurt feelings, because to 95% of the people in attendance that’s exactly what it is. Good luck with planning! I haven’t gotten to the seating chart yet but I imagine that’ll be one of the most stressful parts, hang in there!
Post # 5
@paula1248: Thank you so much for replying!
This sounds like a good idea, and I’m with you, I don’t understand why the bridal party gets an automatic +1. Just because they’re in my bridal party? They’re in the BP because we’re close to them, and they accepted, knowing that they’d be expected to pay for their attire, maybe help plan showers and whatnot.
My thank you to them is not to give them the freedom to bring a date whose sole purpose may be only to admire my GM or BM in their tux or dress. My thank you will be a heartfelt note, a nice, thoughtful gift, and little things here and there to let them know our friendship is lifelong and that it really means something to me.
Post # 6
@jennmariee: Thanks for your input, I’m liking the “hybrid head table” idea. Maybe one with our parents.
Respectfully, I’m still on the fence about the +1’s, mostly to show them that my wedding isn’t the time or the place for all that, and partly because I’d rather not pay for girls I don’t know when there are other people who’d I’d have wanted to be there instead, and couldn’t invite due to budget. But I know, don’t have a wedding if you can’t afford it, right? Well, real world talk–for certain reasons, I’m never going to make enough to afford the wedding of my dreams with the, literally, 500 people I’d want to be at my wedding. But, yeah, that’s neither here nor there.
As for the party thing, it’s mostly church people who are invited, and probably only the few GM we have aren’t used to our brand of good, clean fun, lol. FI and I were planning to just slip them a couple hundred bucks for drinks on us later that night anyway (morning wedding, lunch reception = plenty of time for afterparying).
🙂 Geez, is it obvious I’m stressed out? Thanks again for replying.
Post # 7
I would definitely give the two GM a +1. I’m not sure where this idea that if you don’t know anyone, you can’t have a good time comes from. Some of my best friends I met at parties where I literally knew only one person, and then quickly came to meet others.
I do like the idea of a table with you guys and your parents. To me, the day is just as much about parents as it is us, so to be able to highlight and celebrate them in that way seems really sweet.
Post # 8
I am in the camp of anyone in the bridal party getting a +1. They are doing a lot for you – the least you can do in return is allow them to bring someone if they want.
Post # 9
don’t do your seating chart until you get all the rsvps back. invite the GMs with their girlfriends. if they respond with yes for both, then seat accordingly.
we are having a sweetheart table, but we are splitting the wedding party up among the other guests. some have significant others, others are single. but the whole wedding party is not friends with each other so we are sitting them with who they would want to sit with.
Post # 10
@fzesguer: Respectfully, I’m still on the fence about the +1’s, mostly to show them that my wedding isn’t the time or the place for all that,
What is that supposed to mean? Sorry, but everyone in your bridal party should get a +1. They are doing so much for you and doing you a great honor by standing up for you on your big day. I think the least you can do is let them bring a date so that they can enjoy your wedding. Also, they both have GFs, so it’s kind of hypocritical to ask them to celebrate your love, but completely ignore theirs. =/
However, I totally undestand your issue with bridal party seating. Head tables suck because it means yoru bridal party has to sit away from their SO’s and they only have 1 or 2 people to talk to. But they are nice because you are not sitting all alone. We did a modified head table that included just me, H, my MOH, and has BM. The rest of the bridal party sat at 2 tables next to us with their SOs. BM’s GF also sat with the rest of the BP, but we made sure there was an extra chair so that the BM could sit with her during the majority of the reception (after toasts and dinner).
I would encourage you think about what your BP would want. Would they want to sit at a head table? Also, even you have a sweetheart table, you are only the center of attention for a brief moment while toasts are being made. After that, people will be busy eating and dancing. I definetly did not feel like people were always staring at us. So I wouldn’t worry about it too much!
Post # 11
Thanks for all your help! I’ve talked it over with our parents and our BP, and we’ve decided to keep the head table with bridesmaids and groomsmen. Our parents really don’t want to sit up there with us 🙁 but our BP are ok with being away from their bf’s and gf’s.
I’m inviting the 2 gf’s of our groomsmen, but not giving our other groomsmen a +1. Knowing them, they would probably hire escorts or hookers to accompany them, and they’ll be seated apart from their “dates” the entire time. “The entire time” meaning about 2 hours or so, since our reception is not like your run of the mill reception, for religious and personal reasons. Just think of it as a nice dinner with toasts while we’re eating, a game, cake-cutting, and farewell, with a photobooth and a dessert table open for mingling in the other room for an hour after we say our goodbyes.
Post # 12
I loved our sweetheart table. I honestly felt like we were alone and no one was looking at us. Maybe it was the fresh newlywed bubble, but it felt more private than a head table. A head table is where all the action is and everyone’s attention is. Put your bridal party at a table with their dates (the ones you want there) and they’ll have a great time. You can sit with your parents and grandparents, or on your own. Just don’t have a focal point and no one will be looking at you. Our sweetheart table was kind of hidden in the corner, it was great.
I see you beat me to it – but if you change your mind again. 🙂
Post # 13
@paula1248: I agree.
Don’t give the GMs a +1, invite their SOs.