Post # 1
Hi. We are planning on giving +1s to many of our guests, but possibly not all (yes, a slippery slope, I understand, read on for details!). We’re having a small wedding, mostly family. We are inviting the spouses, fiances, and committed significant others of all our guests, regarless of if we know the SOs or not (for example, my mom has 2 half-brothers whom neither she nor I are close with, and both are married, though none of us were invited to their weddings. I’ve never met their wives, my mom doesn’t even know their names, but we’ll still invite them). We plan to give single friends +1s, since most of the guests will be family, and not all the friends know each other. We are deliberating whether to give single cousins (not in serious relationships) +1s, as they will know all the family at the wedding… Also, several of our “single cousins” are in the 17-19 year old age demographic, which seems kinda young to need a +1. Anyway, we are working on figuring out where to draw a line, and making sure that it is in a place that makes sense and is fair.
BUT, we’re currently addressing save the dates. Do I need to include the “and guest” on the save the date? We’re including the significant others’ names on the save the dates. I feel like the STD is to get the word out and the event on the calendar, whereas the invite tells you who’s invited… (??)
Post # 3
Nope, leave it off. You want the person you know to save the date. If they have a significant other that you know this far out that they would be attending, they should be invited specifically by name as well, not +1’d.
They can wait till invites come out to know that they’ll be offered to bring a random date.
Post # 4
If your guests are travelling, I think it’s nice to do the “and guest” on Save the Dates, that way people can make appropriate travel plans. If they are local, you can add “and guest” on the invitations.
Post # 5
i personally dislike the impersonal feel of “and guest” on STDs or invites, so i addressed my STDs to “name & name”, since we are not inviting any plus ones that we do not know the name of. i think to avoid confusion/delayed drama it might be good to make it clear from the start who exactly is invited, so no one just presumes and causes trouble!
Post # 6
My wedding planner said you don’t have to put it on the save the dates, so I didn’t… will do on the invites and if anyone has a question now it’s fairly easy to take care of…
Post # 7
thanks for the advice guys, that helps. There are really very few people where it’s ambiguous – most are either in a relationship (married, engaged, committed) and we’re inviting the SO by name, or they’re a single friend who we will give a +1. It’s just nice to not have to add it to all the save the dates…
@peonia: the “name and name” is nice, but I think most of the people we’re giving +1s to don’t know what name will go in that second slot yet, so since they don’t I can’t either! 🙂
Post # 8
Have you considered not sending mass-printed save-the-date requests at all? Over and over on these boards we read about brides who sent out save-the-dates and are now trying to figure out how to get around inviting everyone they mass-mailed. The traditional alternative is to write a personal note to the individual guests without whose presence your wedding would seem sad, letting them know of your plans. You can even use the notes selectively ask certain guests for the name and address of someone that they would like you to invite so that you can avoid having to send invitations with the impersonal “and Guest” on them.
Post # 9
When I was earlier in my relationship with my fiance, I very much appreciated it when it said his name or “and guest” on the Save the Date. I always have to travel, and it makes a difference if he’s invited or not, in that I may have to fly instead of drive, and if I should be booking a hotel or staying at a friends. If there’s an easy way to do it, I would, and I would add the person’s actual name (call or email to find out, if you have to).
Also, I’d draw the line at high school cousins’ significant others. In most circumstances, they shouldn’t be attending.
Post # 10
We are not sending save the dates to everyone we’re inviting to our wedding, only to family and the people we couldn’t bear not having there (kinda like you suggested)
the problem isn’t so much that I don’t know the names of my friends’/relatives’ SOs, it’s that they don’t have SOs right now, but I’d still like to give them the opportunity to bring a date if there aren’t a lot of people at the wedding that they’ll know (ie, my friends from out of town. That’s why I’m not sure our cousins who aren’t in relationships need them, because they already know the majority of the people at the wedding). I can absolutely call them when I’m ready to send out invites, but right now my wedding is 7 months away, so they may not know who they’ll be casually dating or whatnot down the road…