Weddingbee boards

We lived together before marriage for nearly three years (I think, I can't keep track of timelines anymore..I'm too in love and time has flown!). It was rough at first, so I think that was the hardest part of our relationship. I pretty much ran away from home and straight into his parents house when we first started dating so matching up his expectations to mine took a lot of effort. I was still fresh out of high school and it was hard for me to realize that if I wanted to be in a serious relationship headed towards marraige I needed to straighten up a little. We got on the same track, things got better, and it's been mostly smooth sailing ever since. 

We've only been married for two months today, but we've had no major issues. I know we faught around my birthday but that was stupid and I wished it hadn't've happened. I can't imagine things will always be perfect for us (we still have a lot of schooling to do, etc) as the journey is often tough for lots of people, but I'm confident that this first year will pretty much sail by pretty well. 

There has been some adjustment, but I feel being married has made thing less stressful for us, not more. The planning is over, and we learned the good communication skills during dating. We've had a shared bank account since we moved in together, so nothing really is different for us besides the ring and my name. We already considered ourselves husband and wife I think.

@amnystik: you've been pregnant for nine months and seven months? Sorry that made me giggle..

We don't live together yet; he's moving in with me and my parents about 8 months before the wedding. largely so we can save.

It really really bugs me when people tell us that things will 'change' when we live together, or that we 'don't really know each other'. I've been with him 6 years, and we know each other inside out. We might not live together, but we spend a LOT of time together; more than many couples we know who live together actually. I know all his little bad habits and foibles, and vice versa. Do I think we'll bug each other a bit when we start living together? Yep! It will ALWAYS bug me that he leaves the toilet seat up (why god why?!); it'll bug him that I don't wash up straight after dinner. Do I think it will break us? God no. Do I think there'll be any surprises? Nope. I know EXACTLY what it'll be like, and you know what? I can't wait'; just wish we could do it sooner. And do I think it will 'change' our relationship? No; we've been together too long and know each other too well for it to do that.

I can't understand why the first year of marriage would be 'hard'. Marriage will only change our relationship in the sense that we've signed a bit of paper, and I'll be a Mrs. Otherwise, why would anything change?

I honestly think that if a couple's relationship changes so much when they start living together, or get married (esp getting married; I mean, living together has potential issues, but what exactly does marriage change?..) then you're probably not ready to make that commitment. I couldn't contemplate living with someone if I didn't know them really well, and I've seen so many couple's rsuh into things too soon, to find it really tests their relationship; and to me, that just isn't necessary.

Yeah... I guess I'm gonna be the only one to say this, but the transition has been pretty rough. We went from living with our parents in big houses to living with each other in a little apartment. Some of the things that come up the most are...

1. He likes to take long hot showers (by himself as his "me" time) We have a tiny hot water tank which means I can only ever get one if he's not home or a couple hours after he takes his. Luckily he leaves for work 2 hours before I have to. But on the mornings he can go in late or I have to go in early...yeah, it's stressful. I also can't do dishes anytime around when he's taking a shower. 

2. He was used to his mom washing, drying, and folding his clothes and all he had to do was put them away. I have been doing my own laundry since I was 12 and only ever had to worry about my clothes. It's hard for me to remember he needs new clothes, and hard for him to take initiative and not just expect me to always have it done. Also I NEVER iron my clothes, I just toss them in the dryer on wrinkle release. He has to have his shirts ironed for work, and I hate it. 

3. I come from a big family. His is very small. I am used to cooking for an army and then just eating the leftovers for a week if I made too much. He hates leftovers, his mom just throws them out instead of saving them. So basically, he'd like a new meal every night (even if it's just a sandwich) wheras I'm much happier making Lasagna on Monday and eating it several times that week. 

4. I have been doing chores all my life, he never had to do any. He thinks it's silly that I spend so much time cleaning and tells me constantly that it doesn't need to be done. He doesn't understand that the reason it looks clean enough that I shouldn't have to clean constantly is because I clean constantly!

5. We're also much more aware of money now. When we were living at our parents homes we would go out to dinner almost every night, we got used to a lifestyle that we really can't afford now. This hasn't been a super big strain on us because he is very money conscious and does a great job at budgeting, but I'll admit that I throw a fit sometimes because I can't buy what I want.

6. We disagree on how much time we should spend visiting our families, going out with friends, and being at home alone together.

Basically it boils down to the fact that we both have firm opinions and we're both incredibly stubborn. We have really never had our "ways of life" challenged before, and sometimes it's very difficult to compromise with each other. I won't lie, it gets heated sometimes. But it always ends with a hug and a promise that "we'll find 'our' way of handling this particular situation."

We never lived together before marriage, and our first year and a half of marriage has been the BEST time of our entire relationship! It's just so much EASIER being together in the same house... no one has to worry about where they're having dinner or when they are and aren't coming home, and everything is "ours" rather than mine/his...

We love it. I'm also glad we waited to live together though because I think it made marriage seem like a bigger, more exciting thing. We've been best friends for 8 years though, and dated for 3 years before we got married, so we knew each other's quirks/living habits/etc. before getting married. There were no surprises when we moved in together. 

If the first year is the hardest, then this is going to be AWESOME! Haha!

@swanks4tw: Are our DH's related?! It sure seems so.

We've lived together for about 5 years now, and just got married this past September. For 3 of those years we lived with his family, where his Mom always did everything. I hate it, as I would come home from work and clothes were all washed and put away, dinner was ready, etc. I was used to doing my own things, so having someone else do it all bothered me. Plus, his Mom would complain we don't clean the bathroom, when in fact I would have, but by the weekend she decided to just do it.

We've had some rough patches after we got our own place, but had been working them out. Honestly, I think they got worse after we got married. DH doesn't like to wash clothes, and sometimes I question if he can even use a washing machine. I have to NAG him to put his own clothes away, which ticks him off - I need them put away right away, as I use the dryer to fold the next load on.

It's been a rough few months, fighting over who has to clean the bathrooms and why he can't do anything. DH never cooks either, which annoys me. The guy can't even cook a frozen pizza half the time. We are looking to hire someone to come in maybe 1-2 times a month to help with cleaning, but we still have a lot of vacuuming as we own 2 shedding dogs.

Thankfully money isn't an issue for either of us, so we do go out multiple times a week. I think if money was tight it would cause many more problems.

We are both stubborn, and in my family, my Dad always said "a (last name) always gets her way", and he told DH this. Poor Dad had 3 daughters, and our Mom, so he just lived by this.

It's been 4 months and things have gotten better. I still get ticked he doesn't clean bathrooms, but he usually does the dishes if we eat home, and he empties the dishwasher. When I take the one dog to class on Saturday he vacuums the house with the other dog. I also leave him to mow the grass in the summer (he's too picky to let me do it), and he gets to change oil and take care of our 3 cars. It's better, but I sure do hate cleaning bathrooms.

WE have already been living together for 4 years when we get married so it is not going to be a change for us. But our relationship has been a rollarcoaster from the get go so I don't expect it to be anything different lol.