(Closed) 2 Different Types of Waiting??

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
63 posts
Worker bee

I’m not sure precisely what your question is, but I think the answer is yes, yes, and yes.  

In my several months on the Waiting Board, I have discovered that there are a few different types of waiting:

1.  the type where the lady is 100% confident that her man KNOWS he wants to marry her…there is no question about the fact that he has chosen her as “the one”…  but he’s waiting because of lord-knows-why reasons…  just stalling b/c of a bunch of BS reasons that really all just constitute him not being willing to man up and take the plunge.   (In some cases, this is because the man needs to grow a pair and man up, and in other cases, it’s because he truly isn’t ready to be married at all.)

2. the type where the lady is 100% confident that her man KNOWS he wants to marry her, and there’s no question that he’s chosen her as “the one”, but they are waiting or have been waiting because of certain life circumstances (school, getting a job) that have be optimal for the guy to feel like he is realistically able (as opposed to willing) to buy the ring and ask.   (This is where you fall in.)  This man has reasons for his delay…and wants to be in the right place in his life….and although you think he might wait a little longer than necessary (which is probably true), there’s a method behind the madness.

3.  the type where the couple is in a strong committed relationship, but the man is dilly-dallying on making a decision that she’s the one.  this man may be marriage-oriented and want to be married w/ kids someday, but the lightbulb hasn’t gone off in his head that “the one” is right in front of him and that the time is now.  This man is happy in the status quo, and hopes to get married one day, but doesn’t feel any pressure to hurry (other than the nagging from his lady).   (this is the world I am in.) 

4.  the type where the couple is in a strong committed relationship, and the couple knows they want to spend the rest of their life together, but the man really has no desired to get married ever.  in his mind, what’s the point, since i’m happy now….marriage will just complicate things.  And the woman will torment herself on whether she’s willing to forego her lifelong dream of getting married to her knight in shining armor, or whether she loves this man enough to stay with him no matter what, wedding or not.


The waiting time frames for these four types are varied.  I think you, being in #2, are the luckiest of the bunch.  I think your man knows he wants to be with you, is proactively aware that he wants to be married to you, and has already crossed from “bachelorland” into “husbandville”.  He WANTS to be married…he was just waiting on life to stabilize for him before he brought you into it.  And that is why you’ll probably be waiting the least amount of time than all of us…so yes, summer or fall is probably very real for you.

Waiting types #1 and #3 are kind of in the same boat as far as waiting periods.  This can go on years and years after the woman is ready.  It’s just a matter of how the woman handles the situation, and how proactive she is in taking control of her own destiny….  whether it be through Mr. Bee’s plan or through an ultimatum or whatever. 

I think Waiting Type #4 is a breed of its own.  I can’t really say how long the “waiting” period lasts here….because at some point, when the woman elects to be with her man for the rest of her life, even without marriage, her “waiting stage” is basically over and instead she’s moved on to the “living life without marriage” stage.

I’m by means no expert.  These characterizations are simply based on what I’ve observed here.  But I hope it helps shed some insight on your question.

Post # 4
1251 posts
Bumble bee

@ILikeDogs- I like the ‘types of waiting”. I am also a #2. I am still in college, and he knows I can’t even  seriously about getting engaged until I am out of school.

From the sound of it, you sound like you will get engaged as soon as your SO is financially stable. Depending on what his definition of stability, that could be more or less time than you expect.

Post # 6
9 posts

@LoveMyDogs: This is so spot on! I’m right there with you in the #3 camp – glad to know I’m not alone.

Post # 7
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@LoveMyDogs: Great post. But if you believe her to be #2, is it really fair to set a timeline on her man then? I might be biased because I’m pretty against ultimatums altogether, I think it takes away a lot of the special-ness of the event…but in that case, it’s almost like you’re saying to him “Get a better job in the next 8 months so you’ll feel good enough to propose to me.” It’s not really fair to force THAT onto a guy, although on the other hand it’s especially not fair to force him into marriage if he’s not financially secure :

Post # 9
384 posts
Helper bee

I’m a #3.  I would say almost a 4.  But my SO says “I would never say never” and “never is a long time”  Also got “the only time you’d ever have to worry about this is if I sit you down and say just so you know I’m never getting married again.”   And, “i can commit to you forever.” 

So – I guess really I’m a 3.5. 


I’m not going to accept being a 4 forever.  Just won’t work for me.

Post # 10
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012


Love that! I’m a 2. I just graduated (after a semester of unpaid student teaching) so we’re not really financially stable enough just yet to get engaged. Plus I wanted to wait until I graduated before we really talked engagement. I did tell SO today that we’re getting married 9/15/2012 today so he better propose this year. He was like “I’m going to…sounds like a good date” haha

Post # 11
6 posts

wowo that helped a lot. Everytime I bring up the “when” question he always says in perfect time, and that I should trust him that he is making the best descion…so #2 I am…and it helps me realize that yea…he is really trying to prepare things for me to step into….he does not want me to have to work when we are married…so he is just preparing…but its sooo hard!

Post # 12
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I like how you broke them all down I wasn’t expecting that… nice.

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