Post # 1
My birth mom is who I consider my mother and has been there through it all with me. Before she was a single mom she was with my other mother. This other woman left when I was 4 and we just recently reunited and healed our relationship. I am so excited that I have them both in my life, but I always pictured my birth mother walking me down the aisle.
To make matters more complicated, we are getting married in my mom’s church (MCCT – LGBTQ friendly), but my grandfather has never liked my other mother, and does not want anything to do with her for what she did to me and my mom. Also, he didn’t like that they were together in the first place.
So here is my predicament. I had planned to have my grandparents and mom walk me down the aisle as a family, and want my other mother involved somehow. But how do I do this without causing a stink with my gandfather, and without offending my mom, who has been there through all my life and deserves to walk me down the aisle. I know this is her dream.
So how do I involve my other mom in the ceremony, if she is not coming down the aisle with the rest of us?
Post # 3
Wowzers. That’s a lot of people to try to squeeze into the aisle! I think ‘other’ mother will understand that you’ve reached max capacity for the walk. Perhaps have her do a reading? or be part of a unity candle ceremony? If your in-laws are coming down the aisle you could have her walk with them, or just come down on her own/with another Bridal Party or family member, that would acknowledge her special place but make things logistically way easier and keep your birth mother/grandparents happy.
Post # 4
Wow that is hard!!!! but maybe have your “other” mom light the unity candle have your grandparents walk you half way down your bio mom the rest of the way. So that everyone is involved….
Post # 5
@soon2bnixon: yeah I was planning on having the grandparents do half and mom meet me halfway and take me up to my Fiance and give me away.
@bearlove: I can involve my other mother in a reading probably. I hope she understands. Today she offered me her mothers rings… so maybe she can present them to me some way to honour my passed grandmother?
Post # 6
@SillyStacey: I think that is super sweet. And honestly, I really think this is one the those things she really SHOULD understand (not necessarily that she will, but she should). You’re doing a lot to incorporate her into your wedding and I think after having pretty much abandoned you as a kid, she should get that she hasn’t earned the right to walk you down the aisle as much as your birth mom has. I say you talk to other-mother about this and really just say “you know, I really want you involved in my wedding, you’re very important to me. I have a pretty crowded walk down the aisle that I’ve always dreamed of, but it would be super meaningful to me if you would [insert whatever here: reading, candle, ring presentation]” Reiterate how much you want her involved and how you would be touched if she did X/Y/Z…don’t bother delving into why you don’t want her walking you down the aisle, just focus on the things you do want her involved in
Post # 7
@bearlove: Thank you. That is really wonderful advice! I think that will work very well.