(Closed) 2 months before my wedding & my fiance says he feels rushed!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2403 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t think the issue is him being not 100% about wanting to be with you. I think your fiance loves you very much. It sounds like there’s a lot going on and a wedding on top of all that is just overwhelming him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to marry you. Changing wedding dates/cancelling with only 2 months notice is very difficult for everyone but maybe that is what he needs? Or maybe if you can work through the other stressors in his life then the wedding won’t be as overwhelming? Like, you said finances were stressful- maybe make a financial plan to start saving more, or something like that? Or figure out why work is stressful for him and help him make changes? Does he have therapy for depression?

Also, I understand that he would want his grandfather at the wedding but proposing before he is ready just so he can attend is a little strange to me…

Whatever you decide, you will figure something out that is good for both of you. Keep your chin up 🙂

Post # 4
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Stay strong, sorry you have to go through this. Maybe you should postpone everything for now, He has alot going on and Im pretty sure he loves you just as much as you love him. Situations like his loss changes alot and brings up many emotions. Give him some time to get it all together again. Do what you have to do to make sure he is comfy and less stressed if you can and maybe soon enough you will be planning again. or maybe try talking to him again to see if time is what he needs or if its something that can be fixed with maybe a week or some days alone, away from everyone. good luck

Post # 5
1634 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I agree with others that he sounds like he is going through a very stressful time right now, and you clearly see this as well. How about taking a weekend off or a day off and spending the day together, just you two, without any talk of the wedding planning? Go to the movies, have a nice picnic, cook dinner together, or whatever. Try and think of a date that you guys had where you were both very happy and recreate it.

I get what you are saying about not wanting to move forward if he’s not feeling 100%, but I don’t think he’s feeling rushed about getting married, I think he’s just feeling the pinch of so many things happening at once. There are always snags in the wedding planning process where one person, the other, or both aren’t feeling that great (I know I’m about done with talking wedding and making decisions myself) and I think a good idea would be to take a break for a day or a weekend from it all and just enjoy each other’s company.

However, only you can really tell if the issue is more than just him being down in the dumps, or if he really has cold feet.

Good luck!


Post # 6
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If the man says he’s feeling rushed to get married, he’s feeling rushed to get married. Men are not big mysteries. They generally say what they mean. It seems like you’re trying to infer hidden meaning to his words. I doubt that will be helpful for you.

Whatever you decide to do, know that divorce is really awful. So, so much worse and so much more expensive than having to cancel a wedding. 

Best of luck to you.



Post # 7
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Nadia421:  I would just ask him what he wants to do. You’re probably going to get a better answer from him than from us. 

Post # 8
6 posts
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Nadia421: Just know you are not alone! My wedding is in exactly 3 months and two days and for the last two weeks my fiance has been saying that he is feeling very rushed and doesn’t know if he wants to get married “right now”. Like you, he constantly says he loves me and says he wants to marry me, but “not right now” (hurts so much to hear!). 

I’ve been going insane trying to figure out why now. Why couldn’t he tell me before invitations were out, before our families booked plane tickets and hotels. Most of all why propose in the first place, and all he could tell me was that now “it’s getting serious” and it just hit him.

I was pretty upset at first. And truthfully, I still am. I honestly tried to find reasons as to why he was trying to postpone this wedding and went insane looking at his facebook and finding out he was planning trips to myrtle beach with colleagues. Then i thought the worst and thought he was cheating on me and everything in between (BTW my fiance has NEVER EVER given me a reason not to trust him and this was the first time i felt this way – I think I was just trying to find reasons as to why he wants to postpone). I even left our home and spent a few nights with my girlfriends – but that didn’t work I just came back home more upset. 

My point is, don’t think the worst. @Solidarity is correct in saying men are not big mysteries. I had a long conversation with my fiance, calmly, and we both figured that we have things to work on and do not feel right going into this when he is not 100%. I offered him counselling, to which he denied. But I don’t really think counseling is going to convince him to get married. I think what he really needs is time to process it. We’re both only 26, so it could be a contributing factor as none of our friends are married yet. 

I have told my mother – who cried in the middle of buying a mattress, but she said not to worry about relatives and everyone else and to make the best decision for us.

As much as it hurts me, if he needs time to think – I’d rather him do that and have this be the happiest time of my life at a future date as opposed to it being so completely hurtful. Or if we somehow decide to go our separate ways (which he denies and says he does not want to lose me). In any case, what’s time? You’ve spent a year planning this, maybe it won’t be so bad to try and save more money and get married when you are both completely ready emotionally and financially (Ha! I should take my own advise – easier said than done i know)

Maybe you too have some things to figure out about yourself that you couldn’t before you decided to marry him. 

I love him so much, and right now he says he’s still “thinking”. Our engagement pictures are next Saturday. Not sure if we will take them. When I asked him he said “I’m not sure”. Then I asked him if we are still engaged regardless of whether or not we were getting married this year and he said “Yes, we are”. So I think we’ll take the engagement pictures anyways and see what happens. 

I’m still praying that we can work on it – the issues he had about feeling rushed and etc. were valid, but I’m not going to force him to get married if he’s scared about our future. 

Anyway, goodluck and prayers to both of us. 

Post # 9
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Sorry that you are going through this, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you and so close to the wedding.

I want to believe that the other issues in his life are causing these feelings and perhaps they are being projected onto the relationship.  I am glad you have already booked a counselling session, I hope that you can both be open and honest there (thats the only way it will truly work) and that you get some answers that you need and turn things around for both of you for the better and hopefully in time to proceed with the wedding as planned.  I hope everything works out.

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