- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
My beau and I are each going into our second marriage, and we’ve both lived independently for many years before we met. Neither of us have kids, nor do we want them. We each own a home, and neither of us are in a position to sell to combine our incomes and expenses. With the exception of the fact that we could be saving a ton of money by only having one mortgage and set of bills, it works for us. But now that we’re getting married, everyone is asking what we’re going to do about our living situation. Which, as you can imagine, has put my brain into overdrive.
I’ve been in my house 5 years. It’s a small city home, just enough space for me, and for my dad to live in the upstairs in-law suite. He’s got no money and nowhere else to go, and I am happy to be able to help him. Then my sister got out of a bad relationship a few states away. She had no money and nowhere else to go, so she moved in, and I was happy to be able to help her. Then I met and fell in love with my beau. Sister met and fell in love with her beau. Now, I own a house that was just the right size for 2 people to live independently in, and at times there are 5 of us. It’s tight. And I no longer have even an inch of privacy in my own home.
Fortunately I can always go to my beau’s. His place is the same square footage as mine, and is just right for 2 people. It’s on a bigger lot in a suburb, and he’s been there almost 20 years. He’s attached to it, he has his own man-cave, and space to invite friends over for card nights or football games. Half of my belongings are there and I stay there 3 to 5 nights a week. But I still don’t have an inch of my own space there. Almost none of his belongings are at my house, it’s just too small, except a few drawers of clothes.
We each pay our own mortgage, taxes, and utility bills. He is able to save a little something out of every paycheck, where as I stretch and juggle most of my money. I don’t charge the dad rent (he keeps the lawn mowed, driveway shoveled, etc), but I charge my sister a nominal rent, which goes directly to things like groceries and home necessities. I end up with little to no fun-money for myself (I know, #firstworldproblems). There are times that my family doesn’t entirely pull their weight – late rent, lawn not mowed, etc., and I get frustrated, and the beau – while reminding me that I’m a saint for basically supporting my dad and sister – also gets frustrated and sees them as taking advantage of me. It has resulted in him feeling slightly resentful towards them, and has sparked a couple of arguments between us. They are always resolved, but still, obviously he doesn’t feel the same way about my family as I do.
Anyway, there’s no end in sight here. I can’t turn my family out to sell my house to move in with him, and he can’t move in to my house, it’s too small even without all of his stuff. I can’t move my family into beau’s house, we’d have the same space issues, and besides, it’s not exactly fair – he’s marrying me, not my family. We have tossed around the idea of finding a much larger house, with an inlaw suite for my dad, but both of us have lots of work to do on our homes to get them updated and profitable if we were to sell them, and we are both in the midst of projects towards that end. Plus we’d need to save money for a down payment and closing costs, and the saving issue brings us full circle, back to the point that we are paying 2 mortgages and 2 sets of living expenses, so saving is pretty difficult. All in all, nothing’s going to change once we’re married.
How I would love to sell both houses, find a new one on some nice, water feature property, with a fireplace, a hot tub, and a giant kitchen, and NOT have to worry about my family.
Anyone have any similar issues?