Post # 1
Ok hive. Need your advice!
My MOH is throwing me a bridal shower in my hometown. My FMIL is also throwing me a shower in her town (roughly a 45 min drive from mine). My FMIL emailed me today to set a date for her shower. She also says that I should invite the "family" that lives in my town to my shower, as her shower is strictly for residents of her town.
My issue — the "family" (FFIL’s sister & daughters) that lives in my town are nice enough, HOWEVER, I have only met them 3 times in 5 and half years of dating my fiance. There will be no other to-be-in-law family at my shower (only FMIL), the rest will be my family and friends. I feel that it would be more appropriate for FMIL to invite them to her shower because they are on her side of the family and the awkward factor would be greatly reduced. Or perhaps, not invite them to a shower at all since I don’t think they would even notice that they were not extended an invitation (they are not super-close family to my fiance or his parents).
Hive, what do you think? Do I need to suck it up and invite them to my town shower? Or how do I politely ask that if FMIL wants them to attend a shower, it should be the one that she is hosting? Or can I forego a shower invitation to them entirely?
Post # 3
I don’t think you should invite the your Fi’s family that you don’t know very well just because they live in your town. FMIL should have them come to HER shower. A 45 minute drive for a one time occasion is NOT a big deal. If FMIL doesn’t want to invite them, then they aren’t invited.
Post # 4
The person throwing the shower does the inviting. Therefore, your FMIL should communicate the invitations. She can ask you for some suggestions of guests, but she takes it from there. Etiquette-wise, it’s bad taste for the Bride to do the inviting, since that evokes the “asking for gifts”.
Post # 5
I’ve never heard of deciding who goes to which shower by what town they are in–I think it’d be better for it to be more divided by family at one shower and friends at another or YOUR family at one and your fiance’s family at another. I’d tell your FMIL that you think it’d be more appropriate for her to host her family.
Post # 6
I had the same situation as you my mom’s family hosted a shower and then my FMIL hosted one. We live 45-50 minutes away from FMIL. So we only invited my side to the one in my town and then my FMIL’s side/friends went to her’s. I did have an exception with my step-mom and dad’s mom. I had them go to the shower that the FMIL hosted to keep the peace. Really I think you should invite them to the shower they would be most comfortable at.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2010 - Mr. Turtle's Grandparents' backyard, Arroyo Grande, CA
I totally agree with you. My bridesmaids are planning me a shower that my friends and family are invited to, and my FMIL is planning one that she’s inviting her family and friends to. I don’t know what the best way to bring it up to her would be. Sometimes I take the blame off myself and blame it on etiquette. (For example, “I don’t know much about showers, so I looked at some wedding etiquette books, and apparently separate showers are supposed to be hosted for separate groups of people!”) Hope that helps! 🙂