2 things

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Welcome to the Bee!

Like you, I was a early planner myself. I looked at save the dates and dresses, and even started purchasing items for my October 2014 wedding. I think it’s great that you are interested in getting an idea of what you like!

Just know that looking too far ahead could give you alot of room to change your mind, and you just never know what you’ll like and what you won’t based on pictures alone, until you actually try them on. I thought i had a great vision of what i wanted, until I actually found my dress! And now, my colors have slightly changed, along with many other aspects of the wedding.

As for your mother, I think you should have a talk with her about your engagement party.

Your engagement party should be something you and your groom both love.. i mean, you don’t want to look back on your special days and think about how you let your mom have your day. If you want your mom to be involved, you should work together to find something that makes you both happy.

Post # 4
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Well, Sadly I am in a similar situation, except my weddings sooner, Everything I do is “Too soon” and I “Shouldn’t even be thinking of that stuff yet”

I say, BE EXCITED!! you Deserve it, its a big thing. Even if its not until 2015! I don’t know if this would work for you, but I’ve gotten into the habit of not telling her anything I do or like or see, and when she does confront me after over hearing me say something or see me looking at something I take her comments with a grain of salt, smile and nod.
This is your wedding and unless shes taking money out of her pocket and paying for every last cent of everything she doesn’t get a say, and even if she is she should be included and consulted but not the end all be all. As harsh as that is, it’s true. Let her know her opinions are appreciated and you will take her suggestions into consideration but in the end its what you want not anyone else.

Post # 5
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@daniellemc:  Welcome to the Bee.

First, in regards to an engagement party–that is the only thing your mother is winning at. Really it is thrown by someone in honor of you and not something the bride gets to plan. If you plan it for yourself, one it is kind of an etiquette no no, and two, if you do decide to go that route you need to pay for it yourself. You can’t dictate where and what you will be doing and when it is. Technically, you shouldn’t even know and if you do, you should just keep out of it and let your mom handle things.

Second, as for the wedding if you are paying you get all the say. Is your mom footing the bill? If she is just footing the bill for the venue then technically she should help get a say. Same with food and whatever. If you guys are paying for the wedding yourself she is NOT entitiled to be picking things out and you will need to set boundaries for her immediately because I can see her becoming controlling.

By the way, don’t just let your mom say NO to everything, but she is ringing some truth with STD. Yes, you can start looking, but it would be unwise to send them out so early before next year because people will have absolutely no idea. You can start looking but I strongly, strongly advise not settling on anything until a year or less out from the wedding with the exception of your majors–photographer, venue, DJ, etc.

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