2 weeks to the wedding and… VENT!

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

elw728: stop sharing with your FMIL. My FMIL was exhibiting similar behaviors so i told FI, no share, no care. 

i.e. We weren’t going to share our plans with either set of parents and they would just have to deal. There was about a month of whining and our only response was: I understand that’s how you feel and I’m sorry you can’t seem to accept our decision. We’re happy to chat when we’re all on the same page again. Goodbye and we love you.

over and over again.

Then there was a month of them ignoring us. They then came back around. Not sure if this would work in your situation but worth considering. 

Post # 4
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

elw728:  Sorry about the MIL thing. What a pain.

Dropping out two weeks before the wedding is a really sucky thing to do but at least you fond out before the day of! Don’t stress too much about finding another groomsman. Uneven bridal parties are fine.

Post # 5
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

elw728: Best man does not sound like a good friend, at all. Sorry for your FI, I’m sure his feelings are hurt…

That said, adding another groomsmen right now would be pretty tacky, uneven sides are fine. 

Post # 6
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

elw728: hah. that’s too bad. She needs to learn boundaries! I’m sure you would have appreciated a contribution for this wedding if she wanted to be a stakeholder (though maybe not since she sounds…opinionated). 

Why isn’t your FI shutting her down? I mean, it’s not clear he is based on the current context.

hopefully she puts her mature mil dress on and gets it together! You’re close though!! In 2 weeks it won’t matter  


Post # 7
4964 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

elw728:  First, you don’t need an even bridal party. Clearly for whoever he chooses, it would just be a replacement and he didn’t actually want to ask them. I would just leave it un-even.

Second, FMIL has no control over anything. She can’t tell her adult child what to wear – nor can she tell you how to do the seating at the wedding. I would just ignore any insane requests and move on with the wedding. Letting her behave like this is only going to continued into marriage. 

Post # 8
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

elw728:  step back and take a breath. You’re so close! I hope it all works out. Sending positive vibes your way!

Post # 9
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

elw728:  No advice here, just encouragement. In two weeks all of this will be behind you, regardless of HOW sucky it is to have to deal with a terror MIL! Poor you, really. Seesh, I’m glad my MIL was chill the entire time. Some of these nightmare MILs I’ve read about on this forum. Gah!

As for someone dropping out – boo to him! However, as PPs mentioned, to replace him would seem, well, as a replacement, so I would just leave things uneven. For my wedding we had 3 girls and 2 guys, and it wasn’t bad at all. ACTUALLY it was nice because it put me dead center in wedding group pictures (tehee, not planned but totally worked out!) 3 people on either side! Just a bonus of having an uneven wedding party!

Post # 10
7290 posts
Busy Beekeeper

elw728:  I think you FI should keep trying to contact his best friend. He probably feels really badly about letting his friend down and not being able to share in this major life event. From the text he sent it sounds like there is something not great is going on in his life and that is the time when a best friend should try harder. After all a one day party shouldn’t be more important than a relationship right? I personally moved heaen and earth to make sure my bff was able to make it to my wedding including paying for her and her daughter to attend, attire etc and I met with her ex to beg him to sign passport papers for his daughter to attend since he refused that to my bff.

And as for your fmil, would it really have been that bad to include her? You sound a little petty bringing up her not paying, kind of like you are punishing her for not contributing to the wedding that is you and your FI’s responsibility to pay for. It is great that your parents offered a gift of paying but childish of you to use it against your fmil. even if you had included her in things like the tastings didn’t mean you had to take her advice/opinion. It is pretty easy to say ” thanks fmil for your opinion but FI and I decided to go with the roses”. 

You catch more flies with honey after all.

Post # 11
829 posts
Busy bee

““sorry man, I guess I’ve been kidding myself during this whole time thinking I could make this work.”– NO this is not a heartfelt apology 2 weeks before the damn wedding! you’re absolutely right, that man is flaky and does not care who gets hurt. If I were your husband I would never talk to him again.

Post # 12
108 posts
Blushing bee

This sucks, you/he paid offered to pay for his suit and hotel room! What else does he need?? He knows two weeks prior he won’t be able to commit to something that has been planned for months?? I don’t get it. Also, yes, agree with having uneven groomsmen and bridesmaids being fine, howeverrrr, he isn’t just a groomsmen, he is the BEST MAN. He is supposed to give a speech, be the man right next to your FI on his important day, it’s a big deal! Another groomsmen just can’t be “bumped up” to best man, that wouldn’t be as “emotional” (for lack of a better word at this moment) for the groom. This really sucks for your FI and you. I would keep reaching out to the “best man” and figure out his deal. It doesn’t seen he is totallllly out? And if he is, rip him a new asshole. 


For your MIL, i’m half and half. first half I want to say “fuck her” it’s not if she gave money or not, it’s that it’s NOT HER WEDDING! I hate controlling MIL’s. Second, are you are only not inviting her to things or allow imput solely b/c she didn’t give money but allowing your parents to have say in stuff b/c they are paying? b/c that isn’t totally fair. 


Let us know if the “bff” ever calls back or responds to the texts!

Post # 14
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

elw728:  The way the best man dropped out was so rude. I understand that he may be going through some things, but you don’t wait until the groom contacts you two weeks before to let him know that you don’t even plan to attend. I don’t consider that the behavior of a friend.

Your MIL sounds controlling and I don’t blame you for not wanting her to take over. She doesn’t get to tell your fiancé what suit he can and cannot wear to the rehearsal dinner, I hope he isn’t seriously letting his mommy dictate that.

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