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Ususally start planning around a year and a half to go. No matter what you think you'll spend you will spend more so what you do now is simple: SAVE.
We had an 18mth engagement and well you just plan and deal.
As far as ppl and their ideals/opinions you have to just not take it to he heart as offense. Most will only be out of their unwarranted opinion BUT some will be coming from a point of wisdom.. listen, take into account, and see and take every opportunity to grow with you FI to be prepared for marriage.
DH and I highly recommend this book Preparing for Marriage... you and your FI can get 2 copies and go through it yourselves.... it's a great foundational start ;)
Congrats on your engagement, welcome to the hive, and good luck with your planning. pm me anytime for questions, advice, anything!
Yep, just save your money and ignore people telling you that you're "too young." Honestly, no one can tell you if you're old enough. If you feel that you are and your FI feels that you both are, then don't worry about others.
I hate the "age" debate, and generally stay out, but seriously - if people can present a REAL reason to not be married (like, personality issues, majorly irresponsible, cheating) then ok. But age is NOT a valid one to me when a couple is in a committed relationship.
Just SAVE money and FINISH school. :) And don't sweat the small stuff or the small comments.
Congrats!
This is me!
I am yet to write my engagement story, but me and R have been together for five years, He's working and Im starting my last year of univeristy in September.
We have support from both sides of our family and I found thats all that matters. Of course people see my ring and look confusingly, obviously thinking we are too young. But if it worked in the fifties, there is no reason it cannot work now.
We'll have the best wedding scrap books out there ;)
@amnystik: Thank you for the book recommendation, I will be checking it out.
Im also 20 and my fiance is 21, so i know exactly what you mean!! My mom is getting use to it but my dads not to thrilled, we feel that if its ment to be age should not matter! There is no right or wrong way to fall in love or a "rule" for age
My fiance, Ryan is in the marines so hes away, and him being away makes us want to do this even more. We just want to start our lives together:)
If youve got a keeper hold on and just do it, no matter what anyone else says:)
Good luck and Congrats!!
@sloanashley: Yeah it must be hard for your dad to have his little girl get married but he'll come around to the idea once he sees how much you guys love each other.
I mean the way I look at it, its better to be mature at a young age and be thinking about getting married not about getting wasted in a college campus.
Just hold on and im sure your dad will come around. Good luck and Congrats!!!
I would start making a list of things which are really important to you early on. Make him make a list too.It is good to start off knowing where you can compromise on price, because everything related to weddings is so expensive. What kind of things do you want to do yourself, or have a family member do? What things do you really want professionals for? Also, gathering addresses. It took me MONTHS to get a list of people, and then track down all of the addresses.
If you want a really hard to get location, and some places want you to book years in advance, check the dates. I would go nuts being engaged and not having SOMETHING to do for the wedding. I was too excited to just wait. I also think a good conversation about if you want a small intimate wedding, or a huge huge wedding is important. Do you want something very formal, semi-formal, casual? If you two can agree what kind of wedding you want, and you each know which details are the most important, wedding planning will be a lot smoother.
If you are a serious DIYer, I would start thinking of which projects you want to DIY, and how to do them. If you want everything done by hired professionals, you have enough time that people you know will be getting married before you and can give you great recommendations.
As for being too young to get married, you hear it sometimes. I'm 20 and getting married in a month, I know it is right, if other people don't agree then they can just deal in their own way. I am doing what is right for me, and I hope that others do it in a way that is right for them. I always respond to people saying I am too young by saying "If I wait much longer I won't get to celebrate a 75th anniversary!".
@HZ: Awww I like your reply to all the "haters." Thank you for all the advice, its really good and gives me a good starting point, you really did help me out
Same situation here , Sorta! I was 18 when we got engaged and I am 20 now and planning our weddding for May 2012. We knew we were going to have a long engagement because we were too young at the time and I knew I had to get out of high school and start college. We were together for 4 years when we got engaged and have been together for 7 as of March this year. I will still be in school when we get married but he will be graduating close to it. but Everyone is going to have a different opinion about everything and as long as the two of you are happy, then who cares what anyone else thinks! I started Planning in February of this year partly bc my sis was getting married in May of this year so I figured to wait till they were done with hers to focus on mine! Hope this helps!!
Hi there!! I'm in your boat as well!! I'm 20, and my FI is 22...we will have been together for exactly 5 years on our wedding day :) The biggest thing I've found is, start planning and buying the little things now, so your expenses don't pile on you all at once and when someone makes a "too young" comment, just laugh it off...people just have opinons and don't know when to keep it to themselves. Anyways, good luck and if you need any help, just PM me!
Congratulations!! BTW, if 9-8-07 is the day you started dating, its also my birthday :) I was 20 and my husband was 21 when we got engaged last year. We just got married last Saturday at 21/22. I heard the "too young" stuff a lot too at the beginning, mostly from people who didn't really know us. Those close to us knew we had been together since junior year of high school and they knew we were close to finishing college (I graduated a year early at 20 and he graduated this past May).
Good Luck!! I also agree with PP who say to begin buying things now so you get a little at a time instead of becoming overwhelmed later.
@HZ: DH and I were just talking on our honeymoon about the fact that (hopefully!) we will be able to celebrate big anniversaries. My grandparents just celebrated their 55th and they are my inspiration :)
I just turned 20 and I feel your struggle. I just vent to my FI a lot when people make me mad and he is so good about calming mw down and reminding me that if people disagree they obviously don't know me because to anyone close to me they know that we have been ready for a while now. You just have to take it in stride sometimes and hold your head high. People are going to critical sometimes and at times all I can do is just smile and nod waiting for a time to make a graceful exit.
About the engagement length I wanted a summer wedding but that means that our engagement period is less then a year. Crazy I know. That drive people nuts as well but I have never doubted my decision and if Dev wanted to elope tomorrow I would do it in a heartbeat. When ur FI is the one person that always believe in you why would you ever look elsewhere?
Make some more room on the boat, I got engaged about a month ago at age 21, fiance is 22. We are planning for a yearlong engagement and will both be graduating college the same month
I also got engaged about a month ago at age 21 with my fiancé being 22. We are planning for a yearlong engagement and will both be graduating college the same month as the wedding so lots of exciting but stressful things happening this year.
My advice is to continue studying and start planning as soon as possible, with school there are sometimes that time for planning will be tight. Once you choose the big ticket items like venue, music, photographer… you have a starting point from which to polish off the details along the engagement and accommodate the budget.
P.S Forget all the stuff people tell you, my parents got married at 20/22 and they are still together and still in love 25 years after, so if you love each other and are committed to making it work you, you can have a happy fulfilling marriage.
congrats!!
I'm in the same situation. We're both 20 also. I feel like there is no RIGHT age to get married there are plenty on 30 somethings who get married and get divorced and i know couples who got married younger and have been married 10/20/30 years. The simple fact is that 50 % of marriages end in divorce, young and old. (I know that as 20 yr olds the numbers are against us but I think it's worth a shot.
In 50 years I hope we're both still happily married!
Welcome and congrats! We got engaged at 19/20 as well and people told us we were too young. But we waited until we graduated college to get married and it's not their place to decide anyway so we just ignored them. We had a long engagement too and I waited until about a year before the wedding to make any serious plans.
So, I'm 21 and my FI is 26. We got engaged a year ago so I was only 20 at the time, and I have to say that I'm pretty lucky since I hadn't had anyone say that I was too young to be engaged or get married. BUT I do have some advice when it comes to planning. Spend a year before your actual year of planning (so I guess 2 years in advance of your set date) to gather all ideas, plans, etc. I spent a whole year before that actual actions of planning, gathering magazines, pictures, inspiration, information, etc. on what to do and all of that which gave me a HUGE step forward when I started actually planning. If I hadn't researched before I actually started the planning, I would be so stressed out because there is so much to do! I'd be too overwhelmed. Also, doing this will give you a really good idea of what you want, how your ideas change, etc. For the most part my ideas have stayed the same, but there are huge aspects that have changed, and its good that they changed and I had time to make that change, rather than not having enough time in the planning process. The dress I picked is something totally opposite of what I thought I wantes, but I absolutely love it!
But I hope that helped, and congrats on your engagement! I know it might seem like its a long way away to get married, but trust me, time will fly. Take a good amount of time just being happy with being engaged and gather ideas! It will be totally worth it! :)
I hear you!
My fiance and I got engaged when I was 19, he was 22. I just turned 20, and he is turning 23 in a week, and we are getting married this August. I get the "you're too young, shouldn't you just wait?" "If its true love, it wont mind waiting," blah blah blah.
I just smile and say that we know what is right for us, while thinking that they are just jealous. :)
He graduated college when he was 19, and has been in his 'career' for four years now, but I am still two years from graduating, so I did get a lot of flak about that at first, however, it doesn't bother us.
The most common question I actually get is how my parents feel about paying for a wedding when I am so young. It is totally worth the prying questions when I see their face when I tell them my man and I are paying for it all out of pocket. :)
As for what you need/can do right now, I suggest simply getting your affairs in order... start a guest list of family, decide on a 'feel' for the wedding. This way you can start collecting/creating aspects of your wedding at a leisurly pace, opposed to rushing. Rushing makes everything more expensive! :)
Congrats and have a good time with the planning!
my FI and I are both 21 and we dont get problems at all. Around my area its normal to get married early. I will be married when my FI and I are almost 23. Considering my parents got married at 19 and 21 and my dads parents got married at 15 and 18 im waiting a long time lol
My FI and I are 19 year old university students who live together and have been engaged since June. We grew up together, have dated for 3 years and have a 3 year long engagement. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind :) We have our family's support and that is all that matters! Best of luck to you guys :)
Try not to plan your wedding now, your mind will change and people may hold you to your first word. We set up a joint savings account where $60 from each of us is automatically withdrawl every month to be put towards our wedding :)
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I've been going on Weddingbee ever since I got engaged which as a little over a month ago and I finally registered.
Me and my fiance (it feels so good saying that) have been together for a little over 3 years and a half, and I'm so happy to be engaged.
I am 20 and he is 21 so we are still in school and living at our parents houses. I keep hearing that we are too young to be engaged, have any other bees experienced this and how did you cope with it? We are also going to have a long engagement since we will be paying for the wedding and need time to save up. How do we deal with a long engagement and when should we start perparing and planning for the wedding?
Thank you for the future help bees and I'm so happy to get your feedback.