- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
So, my hens night is this Saturday. In a nutshell, we are meeting at my house for food, drinks, and games. Afterwards we are heading to a… ahem… ‘ladies’ club for a show, and later a few of us are going to the casino (which I made very clear that if people didn’t want to come, they certainly shouldn’t feel obligated to).
The BM’s were asked (not by me, by one of the other BMs) bring some finger foods. There are only around 13 guests (including myself and the 4 BMs), so we didn’t need much. $10 worth each should well suffice. I am supplying all of the alcohol at my house, which has already run up into the hundred dollar mark. The guests are paying $20 entry into the club plus about $10 transport (they are also responsible for buying their own drinks at the club, but that is why I am supplying drinks at my house – so no one has to spend too much at the club). So the BM’s are spending that, plus the $10 or so for the food. $40. I didn’t think I was being too unreasonable.
EXCEPT!! I just spoke to one of my BMs and she said “Yeah, I only have $20 to get me through this whole weekend”. My first response was “Oh no, has something unexpected/bad happened (not prying for details, obviously) which is why you don’t have the money?” Her reply? “No, I just don’t have it”.
I wasn’t really sure what to make of it, so I just reminded her that entry into the club is $20 and she has to pay for her own transport, and she had agreed to buy some finger food. She just said “Yeah… I know…” then made an excuse to get off the phone and said we could talk about it tomorrow.
I’m not going to lie – I’m pissed off!!! She has known about this for a MONTH and she couldn’t manage to put the money aside?? I guess the reason I’m annoyed is because I’ve not asked ANYTHING of my BMs so far. I’ve planned everything (even a large portion of the hens night, cos my other BM “had shit to do”). I paid for all their dresses, I’m getting my friend to do their hair, they’re wearing shoes they already have and wearing the jewelry I’m giving them as a gift. The ONLY thing they need to pay for is their makeup, and even then I shopped around for ages and consulted with them every step of the way to make sure they were all comfortable with the price. And I specifically requested no gifts or money.
Here’s the kicker: she has a full-time job, doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t have a car (so no gas, rego, or insurance), no credit card bills, and no children. I know that she’s always been bad with money but I feel like this is a little ridiculous!!
P.S. Another thing about this hen’s night that is bugging me (which is not worth starting another thread over) is FI’s sister. I personally invited her. I sent her multiple messages and heard nothing back. So I asked FI if she was coming. He said that she told him yes. Great – but why didn’t she tell me that? I’M the one that asked her, I’M the one that’s organizing it, I’M the one that needs the numbers. But whatever. I know she’s coming, so it’s all good. Except I then hear from FI (who heard from their mother!) that she’s only coming to the first part. So… she wants to come to my place, eat and drink to her hearts content without contributing anything, and then go home – without even telling me personally that she’s coming at all?? I think it’s a little rude.
P.P.S. Just got a message from ANOTHER BM (the one who stopped organizing the hens’ night because she “had shit to do”) in regards to a message I sent them all. Originally I told them they were paying $50 for makeup. It was the absolute cheapest I could get it (while still being good) so I booked it. But the lady sprung it on me that she would need to get here at 5:00 AM the day of the wedding in order to get us all done on time, and considering the BM is coming from 40 minutes away, I figured she wouldn’t want that. Long story short, I managed to get someone to come here much later than that and be able to get us all done on time for $65. Only $15 more, which is still very cheap. The message I received from her when she learned of this? “As long as it doesn’t get any more expensive.” ……. Freakin’ KIDDING ME????? You haven’t paid for anything else!!!!! Again, exactly the same as the other BM – full time job, doesn’t pay rent, no kids. Just her car and groceries. I know I said I don’t want people spending money on my wedding, and I don’t, but most people realise that there are costs involved with being in a wedding party and I think I’ve been very reasonable…
I just feel like crying and telling them all to f*ck off at this point :’(
ETA: Bees are pointing out that if the BRIDE decides she wants her BMs to have their makeup done professionally, she should pay for it.
I completely agree. For a friends wedding, she sprung on me the DAY BEFORE that I needed to pay $70 for makeup that I didn’t get a say in, that ended up looking completely shit-tastic. Seriously. I looked like a drag queen. Needless to say, I was PO’d.
That’s why, when I first started planning my wedding, I viewed makeup as an “uneccesary cost”. I even bought a pile of new makeup to suit everyone’s complexion and we made a day of trying our hand at doing our own. Mine wasn’t great, so I said that I was gonna get a make up artist to do mine on the day, but they were all welcome to do theirs. They all decided (with no input from me) to get their makeup done professionally as well because, like me, it was unlikey they were going to get another opportunity/event to splurge like that any time soon. They knew right from the start that since it was their choice, and they could get it however they wanted, then they would be paying for it.
I also did clear the price change with them BEFORE confirming with the makeup artist 🙂