(Closed) 2009 or 2010?!? with pros and cons. HELP!

posted 9 years ago in Beehive
  • poll: 2009 or 2010? What do you think I should do?
    Get married in Aug 2009 : (9 votes)
    24 %
    Get married in 2010 : (26 votes)
    70 %
    Toss a coin or make it random. : (1 votes)
    3 %
    I have no idea. : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    397 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I said wait.  You’ll appreciate the wait in the long run.  Your parents will be able to help you, you’ll have more time to plan, and I think your fiance will appreciate it.  It doesn’t matter about the people who aren’t invited to your intimate wedding.  This is your choice to have a small wedding, regardless of the date.  So don’t worry about that.  I know you’re probably ansy but to me it sounds like you should definately wait.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1238 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2008

    From my point of view if you have the ability to get married and be together without living apart, you should take it.  Start your marriage out on the right foot — and if he wants to wait then that is the most compelling reason to wait

    Post # 6
    Member
    114 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I agree with calicoteach.  If he wants to wait, what other reason do you need? Especially if there is a chance you will move.  LD relationships suck…I’m in one right now; don’t start your marriage that way.

    Post # 7
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I;m with everyone else.  You shouldnt have to talk him in to getting married…

    I also agree with your Grandmother.  My FI and I are living together, and have been for 2.5 years.  On the toher hand, my step sister and her ‘fiance have been living with his mother for years, and he doenst work (long story, lots of drama..) anyway, my parents are much more willing to help with my wedding than hers, since we have shown we are responsible adults.

    You’ll be happy if you wait, instead of rushing it, I think.  Have all those negatives out fo your head.  And grad school will be difficult either way, married or not…your FI may just have to take over more of the planning duties.  I also agree that long distanc eis not the way to begin a marriage..if that turns out to be the case I would even consider waiting until grad school is over before getting married…

    Post # 8
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

     I say wait too.  Also, it will give you a chance to focus on grad school.  If you get married before grad school, family life can make things more difficult.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2022 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think you should wait til 2010.  It sounds like it may be the best decision, financially, and it seems like your fiancee is more comfortable with getting married then.  While women think of marriage as providing security in some way, men often look at it with more anxiety if they are not secure in a job. 

    Maybe you and your FI could save a little more in the next 6 months and try to move out on your own together.  I am a pre-marriage co-habitator and can’t endorse it enough.

    Post # 10
    Member
    353 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Another pro for 2010: years from now it’ll be easier to remember how long you’ve been married! That’s one of my reasons 🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    waiting is no fun but i think that it would probably be best!  weddings are expensive and, hey, you’ll only be engaged once so take advantage 🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    1813 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Since you are already living together, I say just wait….also, not sure if this is a consideration, but you can usually get better financial aid for grad school when you aren’t married…it sounds like you would be rushing your man with 6 mos…and HONESTLY, the short time to lose weight shouldn’t matter…I know very few people that stick to a strict "wedding diet/workout plan" for more than 6 mos…our full engagement was 6 mos, and I didn’t start kicking my butt into shape until 2 mos out, bc my schedule is just too psycho w/ work & school & wedding planning

    Post # 13
    Member
    1022 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I agree with others.  If he’s not keen on the idea of getting married this year (regardless of his reasons) then don’t do it.  But then, I’m doing the same thing.  As much as I’d like to get married sooner rather than later, he wants to be established and settled before we get married so we decided on June 2010.  I’m enjoying getting time to relax and not having to make decisions everyday regarding the wedding. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    754 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2008

    Whoa, whoa, whoa!  Hold the phone.  Your post had a giant red flag in it and I think you need to look into it before you set a date, any date.  You said:

    ~He doesn’t want to get married that soon, for reasons he has trouble expressing .

    Figure out what is on his mind.  I’m serious.  Hold off on any talk of wedding until you find out what this is all about.

    Post # 16
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I’m wondering why being engaged for longer feels like a bad thing for you? I know that the idea of getting married as soon as possible can be exciting, and it’s easy to want to just get to the being married part.

    Still, in the current economy, it definitely makes sense to establish yourselves as much as possible (both financially and emotionally – Niki is right about that red flag) before spending any large sum on a single party. 

    How about having a small ceremony now with just your families to take care of the benefits and quiet your eagerness to be married, then throw the party celebrating it and have a vow renewal for the rest of your guests to witness in a year or so? 

    I hope that helps! Good luck!

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